beautifulinside2 Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 My boyfriend has friends of 25-30 years, and they hang out often. On seperate occasions, I have noticed a weird occurrence of my boyfriends guy friends wives flirting with him. At first I thought they were being friendly, until I noticed blatant jealousy towards me. Yesterday at a company party his bosses wife spent half the night talking to him and obviously neglecting her own husband. My bf did converse back but he made an attempt to distance himself from her and move closer to me. The husband was clearly upset. After the party I asked my BF how long he had known these people and he said 25 years. Then I asked if he noticed her being overly friendly and he admitted yes, but what was I supposed to do, (she is my bosses wife). He handled the situation fine, but I wonder what is it that makes these women think it okay? This is not the first wife of a friend who had done something like this so I'm wondering if my BF had past affairs with his friends wives? Am I being paranoid?
d0nnivain Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 My friends & I are all very flirty. We all know where the lines are drawn & nobody crosses them. Every once in a while somebody new to our dynamic freaks out about the behavior & then we have been known to shoot that person dirty looks for misinterpreting things even after we explain that it's harmless. For example, a few years ago DH & I walked into a party. First person I saw was my BFF's BF. He'd just gotten a buzz cut so I starting running my fingers on his hair. Some woman I didn't know indignantly informed me that he had a GF. So to spite her, I climbed in his lap, kept doing what I was doing, then smiled at the woman saying that since my husband didn't mind, I was sure his GF would be OK. My husband joined in the teasing offering to get us drinks since we were busy. My friend's BF shook hands with my husband while I was in the BF's lap. Later that woman was in the kitchen shrieking to my friend about her BF's inappropriate behavior. When the busybody pointed me out, my friend smiled. My husband happened to be walking into the room from the other direction so my friend grabbed his butt & said that since I was the woman fondling her BF, she was sure I wouldn't mind if she grabbed my husband. These people have all known each other for 25-30 years. They have a dynamic you aren't going to change. However, if your BF is independently uncomfortable by the behavior of his friends' wives it's up to him to say something. 1
AVarma Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 My friends & I are all very flirty. We all know where the lines are drawn & nobody crosses them. Every once in a while somebody new to our dynamic freaks out about the behavior & then we have been known to shoot that person dirty looks for misinterpreting things even after we explain that it's harmless. For example, a few years ago DH & I walked into a party. First person I saw was my BFF's BF. He'd just gotten a buzz cut so I starting running my fingers on his hair. Some woman I didn't know indignantly informed me that he had a GF. So to spite her, I climbed in his lap, kept doing what I was doing, then smiled at the woman saying that since my husband didn't mind, I was sure his GF would be OK. My husband joined in the teasing offering to get us drinks since we were busy. My friend's BF shook hands with my husband while I was in the BF's lap. Later that woman was in the kitchen shrieking to my friend about her BF's inappropriate behavior. When the busybody pointed me out, my friend smiled. My husband happened to be walking into the room from the other direction so my friend grabbed his butt & said that since I was the woman fondling her BF, she was sure I wouldn't mind if she grabbed my husband. These people have all known each other for 25-30 years. They have a dynamic you aren't going to change. However, if your BF is independently uncomfortable by the behavior of his friends' wives it's up to him to say something. Me and you need to become friends. Do you make out or have sex with your friends as well?
Author beautifulinside2 Posted December 14, 2014 Author Posted December 14, 2014 Well, I don't know what they use to do but I don't play that sh*t. Hands off! The first thing that came to mind is how people wonder how exes end up with their best friends wives. Not on my watch...
Jules Dash Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Well, I don't know what they use to do but I don't play that sh*t. Hands off! The first thing that came to mind is how people wonder how exes end up with their best friends wives. Not on my watch... This is my attitude. I don't play that sh*t either. You don't respect me and my relationship then be prepared to witness some barbaric behavior.
shet Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I'm often flirted with by certain friends' wives/fiances. It's been a source of frustration to me for some time, because it's greatly frustrating to get that sort of attention from them while I don't get it from single women. I've been cornered in kitchens and the back seats of cars. It's cruel of them. I can't respond even with the fiercest desire to do so, it's unnecessary pressure in my relationship with their partners who are my actual friends, and they know I'm single. Other groups of friends' partners are not like this at all. It's really a dynamic within certain circles of friends. They just don't switch off that side of behaviour. Has to be said, I've noticed it prevalent in the creative/artistic/alternative sort of lifestyle people vs your average suburban schmoes.
Narcolept Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Me and you need to become friends. Do you make out or have sex with your friends as well? She pretty clearly said "We all know where the lines are drawn & nobody crosses them." So no. 1
AVarma Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 She pretty clearly said "We all know where the lines are drawn & nobody crosses them." So no. I was being sarcastic.
bachdude Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 so I'm wondering if my BF had past affairs with his friends wives? Am I being paranoid? I don't think it means that necessarily. If they had an affair, why would she want to alert her husband, who you said looked upset?
d0nnivain Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Me and you need to become friends. Do you make out or have sex with your friends as well? Never. I am faithful to my husband & partial to polite men who know better than to ask crass questions like that and who employ proper grammar. To the extent that you thought your comment was sarcastic, it doesn't read that way. 1
AVarma Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 (edited) Never. I am faithful to my husband & partial to polite men who know better than to ask crass questions like that and who employ proper grammar. To the extent that you thought your comment was sarcastic, it doesn't read that way. I apologize. You were talking about sitting in other men's laps and another woman grabbing your husband's butt. I didn't realize my silly question would cause so much offense. Edited December 15, 2014 by AVarma
Author beautifulinside2 Posted December 16, 2014 Author Posted December 16, 2014 I don't think it means that necessarily. If they had an affair, why would she want to alert her husband, who you said looked upset? The better question was why did she behave that way in the presence of her husband in the first place? I also didn't find Avarma offensive because anytime a woman disrespects her partner and visa versa it tells a lot about a person. Wrong is wrong even when everybody is doing it and right is right even when no one is doing it. 1
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