what is wrong with me / him?

[jessicachoi]

A while ago, I posted a thread about my relationship with a married man. He still has an affair with me and I am not planning on leaving him at all. I don't think I could live without him or without his attention. I know a lot of people will see me as a bad person for being with a married man and not caring about the wife's feelings, but I can't leave him.. no matter what. I know he cares a lot about me and shows it by giving me a lot of stuff and takes me to anywhere. But recently he has said some stuff which made me doubt his intentions and made me upset.

 

He has children with his wife and he knows very well that I would love to get pregnant from him. I have always been jealous of his wife, because she got things which I don't have... like children. Last week I finally dared to ask him what he thinks about me getting pregnant with him. He really got mad at me and called me crazy, said I had problems and should seek help and he even said I was psycho! It made me SO upset! All I want is him and get what his wife has. But after him getting mad, I didn't dare to say anything anymore so I just said he was right and he brought me home after having sex.

 

I am still clearly upset about it, and wonder if he really thinks I am crazy. And if so, why would he still have an affair with me.. I messaged him so many times and called him like 80 times, but he has given me the silent treatment this whole week.

 

Why does he act like this? I dont know how he sees me anymore and I dont know how to deal with this situation!! I cant stop thinking about him ever since he ignores me. I dont know what to do if he breaks up with me, THEN i will go crazy!

[MidwestUSA]

He keeps you available for sex. You like that he gives you things and take you places. Some would call this friends with benefits. I'm not sure about what you mean by 'his intentions', they are pretty clear to me. Sex, and more sex.

 

I'm not an expert on affairs, but my guess is that you and he have differing opinions of what yours entails. You can't have what his wife has, she is MARRIED to him.

 

So now you've got this man scared to death that you're going to deliberately get pregnant. Of course he's avoiding you. Thankfully, this was a wake up call for one of you (hint, it's not you). You need to pull head out of the sand and move on. Calling 80 times might be considered crazy by some; this guy is probably considering confessing to his wife and going on a long vacation with her, just to end the craziness.

[MidwestUSA]

After some light reading, I'm really curious.

 

In early August, you were engaged (at 21, and after a 6 year relationship) and two months pregnant by a fiancé who was cheating on you. A week later, you were posting about online dating.

 

 

What is your true story, if there is one?

[Gloria25]

Escorts, prostitutes, and "kept" women also get gifts for men they have sex with...

 

I would never have a child without being in a loving, legal marriage. Actually, I'd want to be married for three years before we even think about having kids.

 

I also would not want a kid with a guy who has minor kids from a previous RL (especially marriage). The issues that are gonna arrive (his original kids are gonna feel bad cuz he's giving attention to some other kid, his ex is probably gonna start drama).

 

IMO, kids need to come into a health environment. I don not see having a child with a married guy who already has children as a healthy environment.

 

Birds don't even have 1/4th of a brain, yet the female will not mate until the male built her a nest. In other words, don't bring kids into a situation where there is no nest.

[jessicachoi]

He keeps you available for sex. You like that he gives you things and take you places. Some would call this friends with benefits. I'm not sure about what you mean by 'his intentions', they are pretty clear to me. Sex, and more sex.

 

I'm not an expert on affairs, but my guess is that you and he have differing opinions of what yours entails. You can't have what his wife has, she is MARRIED to him.

 

So now you've got this man scared to death that you're going to deliberately get pregnant. Of course he's avoiding you. Thankfully, this was a wake up call for one of you (hint, it's not you). You need to pull head out of the sand and move on. Calling 80 times might be considered crazy by some; this guy is probably considering confessing to his wife and going on a long vacation with her, just to end the craziness.

 

Well sometimes I realize he only wants me for sex, but he is so sweet and romantic to me that it doesn't seem like he only wants sex. He does spend a lot of time with me and says he would be with me all the time if he wasn't with his wife.

 

I don't think he will confess to his wife. He has been giving me the silent treatment more times and he doesn't want to lose her (sadly..!). And for me.. I been in love with him for years, it is not easy to forget him.

 

( I got pregnant from him a while ago, he tried to silent me with giving me a ring and saying that i am his ''second wife''. But I got a miscarriage and ever since then I got even more jealous of his wife since she got children and I lost mine. And I always use online dating sites.)

[Gloria25]

Escorts, prostitutes, and "kept" women also get gifts for men they have sex with...

 

I would never have a child without being in a loving, legal marriage. Actually, I'd want to be married for three years before we even think about having kids.

 

I also would not want a kid with a guy who has minor kids from a previous RL (especially marriage). The issues that are gonna arrive (his original kids are gonna feel bad cuz he's giving attention to some other kid, his ex is probably gonna start drama).

 

IMO, kids need to come into a health environment. I don not see having a child with a married guy who already has children as a healthy environment.

 

Birds don't even have 1/4th of a brain, yet the female will not mate until the male built her a nest. In other words, don't bring kids into a situation where there is no nest.

 

BTW, this is ironic. The other day ID had a show similar to this situation. It was a high-powered Asian business guy, who had a mistress. Somehow, it was a cultural thing where the wife "knows" the hubby is cheating, but ignores it as long as he doesn't lose respect for the wife. Well, this guy went so far to hire his mistress to work for him. But mistress wanted more. She had an "oops" pregnancy and the wife, on top of being disrespected by having her hubby bring the mistress into the business empire they built together and buying/keeping a expensive home for his mistress in Cali, now got her preggo. Wife went to mistress' home and killed her.

[MidwestUSA]

Well sometimes I realize he only wants me for sex, but he is so sweet and romantic to me that it doesn't seem like he only wants sex. He does spend a lot of time with me and says he would be with me all the time if he wasn't with his wife.

 

I don't think he will confess to his wife. He has been giving me the silent treatment more times and he doesn't want to lose her (sadly..!). And for me.. I been in love with him for years, it is not easy to forget him.

 

( I got pregnant from him a while ago, he tried to silent me with giving me a ring and saying that i am his ''second wife''. But I got a miscarriage and ever since then I got even more jealous of his wife since she got children and I lost mine. And I always use online dating sites.)

 

So, this is the same guy you wrote about in August? You've been his play toy since the age of 15? Ballsy of him to take that on, and quite possibly illegal.

 

You need more help than anyone here can give you. You're legally an adult, but you haven't matured. Someone posted a link in another of your threads that defines that, I suggest you hunt it down.

 

You're living in a fantasy.

[jessicachoi]

So, this is the same guy you wrote about in August? You've been his play toy since the age of 15? Ballsy of him to take that on, and quite possibly illegal.

 

You need more help than anyone here can give you. You're legally an adult, but you haven't matured. Someone posted a link in another of your threads that defines that, I suggest you hunt it down.

 

You're living in a fantasy.

 

I know him since I was 15, but back then I only had an innocent crush on him. I would have never knew it would end up like this. When I was 17, we begun to flirt and things had proceed quickly since then. "Illegal"... maybe what he did is illegal but he isnt a bad person.

 

I don't know what you mean by "you are living in fantasy". People have told me this before but.. I don't know. He is all I know right now.

[LoverOfDance]

Wow, this is really messed up. Girl, you really need to run. I understand that this is VERY difficult for you since you've known this man for so long and you've had feelings for him for so long but you really need to get out of this situation, it's really messy and WILL not end well.

 

Take this from a girl who had a father with many mistresses. I've never ever told anyone this before because it is family business. Things did not end well at all and I always knew it would end in a catastrophe. Never ever get involved with a married man (or even a taken man) especially one with children. It never ends well.

 

Plus, it is very clear that this man does not love you - he calls you a psycho and ignores you. He does not love you. Don't be fooled by the romantic gestures. He is only being nice to you so you can be good to him later in bed. Please please please, get out now before it is too late.

[jessicachoi]

Wow, this is really messed up. Girl, you really need to run. I understand that this is VERY difficult for you since you've known this man for so long and you've had feelings for him for so long but you really need to get out of this situation, it's really messy and WILL not end well.

 

Take this from a girl who had a father with many mistresses. I've never ever told anyone this before because it is family business. Things did not end well at all and I always knew it would end in a catastrophe. Never ever get involved with a married man (or even a taken man) especially one with children. It never ends well.

 

Plus, it is very clear that this man does not love you - he calls you a psycho and ignores you. He does not love you. Don't be fooled by the romantic gestures. He is only being nice to you so you can be good to him later in bed. Please please please, get out now before it is too late.

 

I dont only know him for so long, but I also cant avoid not seeing him. He works in the same company as my dad and they sometimes work togethed. But well, yes. You are right. Deep down I know this is all wrong and will have a bad ending. And he always know how to play with my feelings and make me desperate for him. I am honestly even willing to keep bothering him until he gives me attention. Heck, I was planning on messing with his marriage so many times.

 

I am just also totally confused if I am the crazy one or he is.

[Gloria25]

Heck, I was planning on messing with his marriage so many times.

 

Oh wow....

 

I am at a lost for words.

[jessicachoi]

I know... I am actually very ashamed of it when I say it like that.. I am sometimes afraid of myself.

[mrs rubble]

I dont only know him for so long, but I also cant avoid not seeing him. He works in the same company as my dad and they sometimes work togethed. But well, yes. You are right. Deep down I know this is all wrong and will have a bad ending. And he always know how to play with my feelings and make me desperate for him. I am honestly even willing to keep bothering him until he gives me attention. Heck, I was planning on messing with his marriage so many times.

 

I am just also totally confused if I am the crazy one or he is.

Ahhhh, actually you already are messing with his marriage. His wife probably already suspects he's up to something. He's never going to leave his wife for you.....and why would you want a cheater who calls you crazy (you are a bit BTW, IMO) with dependant children already.

I suggest you forget this guy. Grow up a bit and when you figure out how you'd like to be treated, look for a single guy who will treat you this way.

[jessicachoi]

I forgive everything he does wrong... he is the man I want and I am addicted to him, addicted to his attention, lifestyle, just him in my eyes he means everything well.

 

He has called me crazy and psycho before.. and that hurts a lot actually. I am just crazy for him and maybe I am willing and doing crazy stuff for him but I am not bad. Just like he isnt bad. And I even help her, actually. I babysit their children often and they really like me.

[MidwestUSA]

And I even help her, actually. I babysit their children often and they really like me.

 

This is so messed up, I don't know where to start. You're basically flaunting yourself to her, and he probably is as well.

 

 

Do them a favor, move on. Go to college. Get therapy. Look back at what you've done here in ten years.

[preraph]

He's just using you for sex. You are his no-strings mistress. He's not about to family-up with you. Men can be very very sweet indeed if it gets them sex and there isn't a man alive who doesn't melt like chocolate during sex and act like they are nuts about you, and they are right in that millisecond, but

it doesn't mean a thing!!

 

He said you're psycho because you're a girl he's not serious about having sex with him even though he's married with kids and assumed you understood all that and accepted it or you wouldn't be having sex with him. Now he's in a dead panic because not only are you taking this relationship as something more than it is but because you're stupid enough to want to add a kid to the totally screwed up dysfunctional mix. You're being a little fool. You could have "all this and more" with just about any single man out there, if all you want is uncommitted sex and some pretty little lies. So start using your brain and go find what you really want instead of settling for the guy someone else who really wanted him got.

[Quiet Storm]

You keep saying he isn't a bad person even though he cheated, you aren't bad for participating, you aren't crazy- you just love him, etc.

 

Our character is determined by our actions, not our opinion of ourselves.