Purplestar0497 Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 So this is my first post on loveshack. Ever since the break up, I was looking for advices, articles, forums online, and videos on youtube which I honestly believe have helped me recover, and I can say that there's an improvement since that "dramatic day". I've been reading every thread that I could relate to here and even some successful stories of people who thought moving on was impossible, yet they were able to face their heartaches and start a new life all over again. I wasn't really planning to post here, but maybe since I'm making a major change in my life I guess it's time to post here and seek help and advice from strangers who maybe experiencing the same because I really don't know what to do with my life right now. Things just happened so fast. And I hope you guys would take time to read my story, and I'd really appreciate if you could maybe leave some comments below. So my ex-boyfriend and I were together for more than a year. We are both sophomores in college now and we met during our freshmen year. We are classmates and we're in the same home section for the next four years. He's my first boyfriend and I really love him so much. Before we had a thing, I told my self and even my friends that I don't want to have a boyfriend until I graduate college most especially dating a blockmate because when you two break up it would be very hard and awkward to stay friends and to move on, but most especially it will affect your studies and future. Yet, I swallowed and forgot everything I promised to myself when we started hanging out and dating. He's the popular one, I was nobody. He is rich, famous, and handsome. We were total opposites. I'm not very talkative. I think I wouldn't ever get to hang out with his friends if not for him. I was really surprised when he showed his interest in me. He's the president of our section. He's a very busy person. So I can't really avoid interacting with him now. So when we were together everything was going well. We loved each other so much, and everyone saw that. We met each other's families. Everyone in our block knew and supported us. We both dorm, so eventually we started living together. We were together day and night which made the relationship too serious and deep. It became unhealthy because of that. Our parents knew we were doing that for a long time, they were okay with it but of course they don't encourage. But we were in love. We acted as if we're married already and we went to class together and go back home together. He became my world. The guy who was very outgoing and loved by a lot of people was mine. We had a lot of good memories together (obviously). But just like every couple, we argue too. The week he broke it off with me was during the 1 week we had no class. Before we went back to our families from our dorm (his place) we were okay that week. His parents even invited me to dinner at their place and then his driver brought me home. And then unexpected things happened. There were lots of dramas before he broke up with me. And when he did, I was really hurt and shock bec. I never thought this to happen. He proposed to me many times (not really formally), gave me a promise ring, said he'd marry me, calls me his wife, plan our future kids and life together. We even got our own cat for our anniversary. But yeah... People change. All of a sudden he had a realization that he doesn't want me to be part of his life anymore. I mean yes we're not perfect and we have arguments, but he just showed me he loved me forever more than I loved him and he's not the same person anymore. Maybe it was also the advice from his parents. I know we're young, we'll meet new people, just enjoy life and don't take it seriously. But you can't blame me for hurting this bad because he said so many promises and showed me his love was never ending, so why didn't he fight for us? After that week when we got back to school it was very hard for us to not talk and stay civil. It's three weeks away from Christmas break and those three weeks were hell for me. Final exams was on the last week which made it worse. He stopped dorming, so I went back to my own dorm. I cried every single day and night. He was always in my dreams. And it's sad cause I had to see him again the next morning and everything's not the same anymore. We talked and had a closure. His reason was he needs space and time for himself and he needed to be the person he can be. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. I respected that. But it's just hard for me to accept that a person who loved you the most could just change his outlook in life that fast and throw you away. Yes, I have flaws and so does he, but sadly it seems like there's no chance of getting back. And I tried doing the no contact rule, but it's hard and very tempting in my situation because I see him every day which forces me to still have contact with him. I mean we don't talk, but just seeing him brings back the hurt and pain. Imagine, we used to talk and do all things together whether in school or at home. He's my bestfriend. I mean what we had was serious. If it wasn't serious, why would his dad (captain of the ship) invite me next summer vacation to travel around Europe with their family for free. We even started preparing the papers. We lived together and lost our virginity to each other. I hope it's that easy for me to just accept and forget and move on. But you can't just control your feelings and change it to "you don't love him" and act like a robot when he's around. So yeah... I was stupid those three weeks. I tried fixing things and ask him for another chance many times, yet he said his word was final. Those three weeks before christmas vacation, he was very cold. He avoided me. Final exams was the worst week. I wasn't able to study well, but good news I passed my subjects. Yey! So anyways. It's our christmas vacation now. I must say that this is the saddest and most stressful (thinking about him) break of my life. I couldn't even enjoy it. But before the break I talked to the dean and requested to move me to a new section because I dont want to ruin my future and shift course just because of a guy, but at the same time I can't stand staying with him in the same room every day for the next 3 years anymore due to my situation, and I want to keep no contact. I am afraid that being with him won't make me let go and move on esp. that everything around us reminds of a lot of memories of us. Now my fear is I might regret my decision. I will lose all my close friends and I don't know anyone from my new section. I need to start from square one again. They all know each other, and I'm not very good at socializing at all. I'm scared of what my previous block would say and if my new section would accept me. But I don't have an option anymore. Maybe God really allowed this to happen for me to start a new life. I don't know what to expect when school starts again, and I admit I really love him so much and I said I'm willing to wait. Just giving him the space and time, but I know there's no guarantee. I just left because it's too painful for me that he's moved on and I haven't. I'm also afraid that he might date someone else and if I'll stay it'll hurt me again. But right now my bigger problem is adjusting to big changes in my life. I'm so scared. I don't know anyone. I always cry at night why things had to go this way. I have a very low self esteem. I feel so alone. I'm so stupid for even thinking sometimes that I'll just stop my studies for awhile just to get rid of the pain, but I can't. My mom has dreams for me and she works hard for me just to send me to a prestigious university and we're not rich, so I need to be considerate of her sacrifices and be mature to conquer my fears. I didn't tell him about the moving thing. I don't see why I should. He'll find out anyway when classes start. So what do you think will he feel or think when he finds out? And any advice guys? Thanks! P.S. Also I don't get why he hasn't deleted all our pics and videos on facebook, but I know it's not important anymore.
Arient Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Oh dear, my heart goes out for you, for the pain that you must be going through Just by reading, I can feel such a strong, intense, true and deep love you had with your ex. First loves are always hard to get over, and deep first loves such as yours will be even harder to get over. But what has to happen, has to happen When you start wondering about why a person who loved you that much can dedice to end the love, keep in mind that "people find ways for things they want to do, and find excuses for things they don't want to do". Your ex might still love you, but not as much to fight for it. I know it's harsh but somehow you will need to accept it. Maybe you guys will reconcile in the future when the time is right, but do not let this slight tiny hope ruin your chances with new better love. I know it might sound cliche, but, consider this BU as a chance for you to grow, boost your self esteem, love yourself more, be somebody, become more social... I myself was also somewhat of a shy girl, but over the years spendt in love, I grew a lot. But I think I grew much much more after my love ended. So at first, I seriously did not even think of the BU as a gift in disguise, but now, after 9 months and looking back, it really is. It's just that you will need to gradually stand up and rise from the pain, reclaim yourself, find the confidence from within, so that, even if your heart is going to be broken in the future, you will still find a good way to laugh at it and grow from it. I really agree and admire your decision of going NC and moving block, as I know it's such a hard thing to do (me and my ex were corridor mates too). But it's a necessary thing for you to do, to heal, and to protect yourself from future pain. About new friends in the new block, do not worry much, maybe you can read more on how to make friends and be more social, and try to practice it. I was social akward in the past, and I know how hard and frustrating it would be But I think the only way to cure it is to 'throw myself out there', just do it, don't overthink, do not expect that everyone will like you, but with time, it's getting easier and easier, and now, for me, it's just a piece of cake to charm someone during our first meet. Just don't pressure yourself on socializing, think of it as a game and enjoy it One more thing, I don't know if you can apply this, but if you can, talk to your mom about what you're going through. Mom are our supermen I knew it when I had my most serious heartbreak. They might be worried, but they might be even more worried not knowing how much their daughters are suffering. And whatever happens, mom will always be proud of you, and always have her arms open for you to run to. During my toughest time, I think the love of my mom saved me a great deal, since I started to think that "Do I really need to feel such pain and spend such love for someone who doesn't want to fight for me or be with me, when I have this much love from a person who loves me so dearly like mom?" I hope it helps you somehow, stay strong, post here and vent, loveshack is an awesome community!
HurtGator Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I know exactly how you feel because I'm going through something very similar right now. During the two+ years of my relationship with my exgf, we have been very serious with each by pretty much doing everything and anything together. We also got our parents very involved with each other. We talked about marriage, kids, where to buy our house, ... Everything. I also did everything for her and her family. I always dropped what I wanted to do to be with her and her family. We were deeply in love with each so it wasn't a one sided relationship where I was always chasing her or something... She always expressed her strong desire to marry me and always communicated to me how lucky she was to have me. Then one day she decided to break up with me for what appears to be for another guy. So I ask the same questions you ask. How is it even possible for someone to tell me all those things, act in the way she acted with such strong love and desire to just drop me like I didn't even matter to her? Did she fake the relationship to get what she wanted? Did she lose interest because the relationship got boring to her because she naturally lost the butterfly feelings? I really don't know. It makes no sense to me.
Recommended Posts