Should you tell an ex how much they hurt you?

[dragonfire13]

...if they are the ones contacting you, post breakup?

 

Me and a guy broke up around 8 months ago. There has been almost zero contact between us. Any contact has been initiated by him. I've ignored most of his contact, except one slip up thanking him for a birthday text he sent me.

 

The last reach out from him was an email, all casual, jovial and friendly, joking about something I posted online (I've removed him from social media, but obviously he still checks my public pages out). And it makes my blood boil!!

 

This guy basically dumped me when I was going through a bout of severe depression. I'm not saying I was perfect, but the lack of compassion and support from him was a dealbreaker. An example: he told me he wouldn't be surprised if I killed myself because of my depression.

 

A winner there, I know.

 

Given the tone of his emails, I still don't think he realises how much of a prick he was. The fact that he has the audacity to try and be jokey and friendly, with no acknowledgement of his past mistakes...He obviously doesn't think he did anything wrong.

 

Him reaching out has just brought up a lot of anger and I feel like getting him told and telling him to get lost and quit contacting me will be a release.

 

But if someone is that ignorant to their appalling behaviour is there any point? Will it just be like banging my head against a brick wall?

 

Currently, I'm sticking to silence.

Edited December 14, 2014 by dragonfire13

[guest569]

I think you're better off maintaining silence! If you write to him he will respond with something and just make you mad again. I think with your silence you are silently saying "you're a moron and not worth my time" and leave it at that

 

Sorry to hear about your depression. I can relate, my ex was very insensitive when I was going through depression too although not quite as much of a jerk as yours. Hope you're feeling better now.

[Satu]

Silence is the way to go.

[erklat]

Yeah.. silence speaks volumes here.

 

Block him that he could not reach out to you in

any way.

[dragonfire13]

Yes, you're all right about maintaining silence, as difficult as it is to not give him a piece of my mind, I know it will be just be in one ear, out the other. Especially since he has the nerve to talk to me like nothing happened.

 

@Smiley1 - my depression (which initially came about because I was dealing with a lot of heavy life stuff) is much better, thanks especially with this douche no longer in my life. I hate playing the blame/victim dynamic but unsupportive boyfriends can make depression a million times worse. But hey, as least we are stronger for it and it's better to see that reaction now rather than further down the line.

[Zapbasket]

That kind of cluelessness of the impact of one's own behavior is mind-boggling, I know. It makes you want to pull your hair out and at the peak of your frustration, it's easy to feel that telling them just what you think of their behavior will be a release, if nothing else.

 

I have a bad tendency to call people out on their moronic behavior and then proceed to tell them all about themselves, and frankly, all it gets you is being labeled as unreasonable or worse, a "b*tch." The reason the behavior of people like this is so baffling is that they literally don't SEE anyone else besides themselves. Speaking out is like throwing a pebble into Narcissus's pond: the surface gets agitated but it doesn't shake Narcissus from his absorption with himself.

 

It's maddening, even despicable, really...but your peace won't come from trying to teach him. He simply won't care, and that will be even MORE maddening. So stick with silence, see him for the narcissistic sh*t-biscuit he his, and shut him out of your life for good.

 

All best to you. I hope your depression has become manageable; I know firsthand how difficult it can be.

[dragonfire13]

^^ That basically sums up my frustration, not just with the situation but with people in general! Can totally relate with the calling people out on stuff, and it just causing more headaches in the long run.

 

Thanks for the well wishes, cutting out the negative triggers in my life has definitely been one important step of many and thankfully, my depression has gotten better as a result

[sober and dry]

Don't even bother to answer, you will just go backwards on healing and make a dumb scene. If do say something just say "I'm pretty fine now, thank you" and nothing more!