JJOlay Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 My girlfriend went out for drinks somewhere with her friends at 11pm last night. She couldn't give me any details because she told me she didn't know. I told her to have fun and we hung up. I called around 1am just to say goodnight and see how the night was going. No answer. I couldn't fall asleep after that and called again around 2:45 am. And again no answer. I called at 3:00am and it went instantly to voicemail as if her phone was off. I receive a text right after saying she got a DWI. I was angry because I had told her in that past on more than one occasion if she is ever under the influence, I would have no problem at all coming to pick her up. So I called her again and she picked up, and I was riled up when we first spoke. She pretty much instantly hung up on me. Here is where the problem is. I drove to her house to see if she was home but she wasn't.For the next hour and a half I call her about 100 times, to which probably only two of those calls were answered briefly. She hung up me within 30 seconds both times. The second time she sounded tired and I asked her where she was/with who (she never told me the entire night). She told me in a random town not too far from where I live and refused to tell me with who. She also wouldn't tell me the address so I can come pick her up and bring her home. I feel betrayed as this is not the first time something like this happened when she went out with her friends. I don't understand why there cannot be some level of transparency in what it is you're doing. When I go out I make sure to keep her looped in out of respect. So my mind assumes the worst. She went out with her girls, accepted drinks from men she didn't know (I know she does this), got too drunk, DWI, and crashed at a strangers house. She called the next morning to talk about things but I feel if I want to respect myself (since I feel she doesn't respect me) I need to walk away. Am I wrong in how I feel? I just imagine if she was my wife and I didn't know where she was sleeping because she very adamantly refused to tell me, I would NOT let that fly.
Author JJOlay Posted December 14, 2014 Author Posted December 14, 2014 Also I apologize, I just want to say thank you for reading and taking your time out for me. I don't want to be rude i'm just ............. destroyed at the moment...
EgoJoe Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 No contact for now while you gather your thoughts and protect your feelings is okay. I would tell her why you're not talking to her and leave it at that, ignore her responses for now. 3
Author JJOlay Posted December 14, 2014 Author Posted December 14, 2014 Well I pretty much told her im giving her what she fought so hard for that night, and that is to not have my "help". I also told her to not contact me and to not look back. I said to her while she was contacting me this morning, if she is so strong while drunk and sleeping at a strangers house, she can be strong now and pick up the pieces by herself. And I ended it with a goodbye... Not exactly the best reaction I imagine, but I had a lot of anger... 4
lolablue17 Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 (edited) You responded very well, you weren't rude, you just expressed your true feelings. Now you have your thoughts - Was it right? You're both probably very young and she is probably not in the same page as you are. If it was the first time, people can learn their lesson. But you say it happened before. So, when she start drinking with her friends, she knows what going to happen. And yet she continues with it. 1. At some point she had the details where she is and with whom in the beginning of the night. Why didn't she give you that information by herself? 2. Why did she agree to take drinks from other guys? It's very clear why do they offer drinks... And another thing - Your girlfriend goes regularly to pickup bars with her girlfriends? When she does that it's like she's "asking" to be picked up. 3. Why didn't she tell you were she was and with whom? Because the information wasn't so nice and she didn't want you to be upset. Her instincts told her to talk to you only when she's sober and then give you the information - after editing and filtering it. Again - You're both not on the same page. Edited December 14, 2014 by lolablue17 3
coolheadal Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 This is a clear case of Girls Night Out! (aka party girl gets drunk) Then you start to panic by calling her up every 1 hr until she finally picks up phone. Wow! you even drive over to her house to see what's up! Then you learn she's not home. So what do you do you get really upset with her on the phone when you do get her to answer her phone. I know how you feel I've been there myself a few years ago where the Wife (now my Ex) was doing this on regular bases. In the end not what you had wanted. She's a party girl and if that's who you want then you just have to put up with it. But in my case that's not what I wanted. Yours was drunk so was mine. Best to leave her be use the NC = no contact! Let her come running back to you. By calling or coming over to where live. If you don't hear from her in week or two then you move on!
lolablue17 Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Best to leave her be use the NC = no contact! Let her come running back to you. By calling or coming over to where live. If you don't hear from her in week or two then you move on! Why should he let her decide about his life? He should first take a decision according to his interests and values in life. And probably his and her values don't fit! Another tiny thing - If I ask my GF were she is and with whom and she refuses to give me the information immediately, That itself is a deal breaker. Because everything that comes after that is worthless. I have very little interest on filtered edited information. It worth nothing. 3
coolheadal Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Why should he let her decide about his life? He should first take a decision according to his interests and values in life. And probably his and her values don't fit! Another tiny thing - If I ask my GF were she is and with whom and she refuses to give me the information immediately, That itself is a deal breaker. Because everything that comes after that is worthless. I have very little interest on filtered edited information. It worth nothing. Well that's the way you would have handle it with your GF. Trust is the key in any relationship. But to earn that trust again after what happen the OP here a tough one. Should we as men put our GF under house arrest. Should we panic every time want to go hang-out with their girlfriends. This is a very touchy subject and you I would handle things differently. Just can't control them the way you think can. They have their own minds and they do know what they want. Sometimes the truth will hurt!
Radu Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 My girlfriend went out for drinks somewhere with her friends at 11pm last night. She couldn't give me any details because she told me she didn't know. I told her to have fun and we hung up. I called around 1am just to say goodnight and see how the night was going. No answer. I couldn't fall asleep after that and called again around 2:45 am. And again no answer. I called at 3:00am and it went instantly to voicemail as if her phone was off. I receive a text right after saying she got a DWI. I was angry because I had told her in that past on more than one occasion if she is ever under the influence, I would have no problem at all coming to pick her up. So I called her again and she picked up, and I was riled up when we first spoke. She pretty much instantly hung up on me. Here is where the problem is. I drove to her house to see if she was home but she wasn't.For the next hour and a half I call her about 100 times, to which probably only two of those calls were answered briefly. She hung up me within 30 seconds both times. The second time she sounded tired and I asked her where she was/with who (she never told me the entire night). She told me in a random town not too far from where I live and refused to tell me with who. She also wouldn't tell me the address so I can come pick her up and bring her home. I feel betrayed as this is not the first time something like this happened when she went out with her friends. I don't understand why there cannot be some level of transparency in what it is you're doing. When I go out I make sure to keep her looped in out of respect. So my mind assumes the worst. She went out with her girls, accepted drinks from men she didn't know (I know she does this), got too drunk, DWI, and crashed at a strangers house. She called the next morning to talk about things but I feel if I want to respect myself (since I feel she doesn't respect me) I need to walk away. Am I wrong in how I feel? I just imagine if she was my wife and I didn't know where she was sleeping because she very adamantly refused to tell me, I would NOT let that fly. Before i scrolled down and read that she did this before, and that she accepts drinks from strange guys, i already knew there was another guy and she was crashing at his place. She probably cheated on you [not necessarily sex] ... move on. At the very least she does not considers herself in a relationship.
Quest Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 She called the next morning to talk about things but I feel if I want to respect myself (since I feel she doesn't respect me) I need to walk away. Am I wrong in how I feel? I just imagine if she was my wife and I didn't know where she was sleeping because she very adamantly refused to tell me, I would NOT let that fly. Don't think you're wrong. Gut feelings/instincts are your guide to what's important to you. Like lolablue17 said, it's about values. This doesn't sit right with you i.e. your values are different from your GF's. That's where compatibility lies, or doesn't lie. If you don't agree on what's acceptable behavior in a relationship then where do you go from there, long-term? And you're right, if you don't stand up for your own values then then you're not respecting yourself. 1
Author JJOlay Posted December 14, 2014 Author Posted December 14, 2014 Thank you all for your responses. I was very unsure of myself at a point and almost reached out to her, but I was able to resist. I try to be calculated in my actions and make sure that the move I make is the right one. I know I may not have handled every instance in this situation perfectly but when it comes to the bottom line I feel I got it right. Thank you again guys. For now I'm off to refine my own mind/body/spirit and build a better relationship with myself. 1
lauri Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Honestly man, she's wasting your time. Wall away now and don't invest any more into this. She has made her choice to not be loyal to you...even if she didn't cheat, she is not loyal. Loyality is probably the most important personality trait you need from a woman in a LTR. A loyal girl would never be secretive with you and hide who she is with and what she is doing. This girl needs to be cut. Let her live her party life.
loversquarrel Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Just remember, in a relationship you deserve what you put into it. You respected your relationship by telling her where and with whom you were with when going out. She decided not to reciprocate by being secretive and dishonest. Her behavior is unhealthy and unstable. Break up with her. There are plenty of better women out there who will treat you much better than her.
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