ThreeYearsDumb Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I had to see her yesterday, today and will see her again tomorrow. It is brutal. Each interaction is a reminder how much she has moved on, how she doesn't care for me, and I had to see her family and know that they have met the new guy and are only being nice and polite as a formality. It is truly amazing how two people can be in such different places. Just a brutal demoralizing time.
laddie Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I'm in a very similar situation as you. It's not easy having to see your ex when picking and dropping off your kid, but the best thing to do is put on an air of polite indifference. You have to start trying to protect yourself now and move on. It's certainly not easy but it's better then letting your ex see you're unhappy. She's not sitting about thinking of you and how you're feeling while she's dating someone else. Just remember things will eventually get better and you're not the only person in the same situation.
Author ThreeYearsDumb Posted December 14, 2014 Author Posted December 14, 2014 You are right. It's the trying to protect myself that I struggle with. Everything I would be inclined to do to protect myself seems to be at odds with what is best for my kid. If I could invoke full no contact, I would be so much further along. I'm also angry today. I'm trying to do the full Christmas season with full gusto, but is feels so incomplete without her. I've spent the day with my kid making gingerbread houses, making decorations, baking cookies. And she is missing it to be with a new guy. I know it's hard for her, she's shared some emotions and I know it's not as easy for her as she is making it seem, but today I'm angry. I know it's her loss not to be here enjoying the family life everyday but it's still smarting. As much as I try to keep it together, all of this emotion is just below the surface. I'm sure my kid and the Ex are picking up on it. I want to move on but something is holding me back. I'm still clinging and sometimes even know with certainty that she will come back.
Ronni_W Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 ThreeYears, It is so difficult as if impossible, to predict with any certainty what is or will be best for the children, over the long-term. I really do acknowledge you for struggling so valiantly with that. If I could, I'd offer to present life in a realistic way, albeit with tons of love, laughter and kindness that you child can feel, see and experience. That is, to not just feel that you have to paint this "perfect, fantasy" world that is not, really, the truth of your, your child's or your ex's life at this stage. Because, the pressure that you put on yourself to do this will - to achieve this veritable impossibility will, inevitably, create within you forces (anger, resentment, guilt, et al.) that are NOT in the long-term best interest of your child (and yourself). Also. In the past, I could - and would - much easier cop to feelings of anger than feelings of sadness. I don't know if that might be also a possibility for you. It may sound weird, but "protecting yourself" can also be being willing to acknowledge, if only to yourself, your true feelings. Then it can become, "so, how do I deal with these feelings of sadness?", instead of, "so, how can I protect myself from feeling sad?" -- which you can't, because that is what this situation calls for you to feel. If that makes sense? Sending you much love, and comfort, and strength.
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