Bishop556 Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 (edited) While I am technically having a "break up", I feel this is the appropriate section to talk about what I am dealing with. So, just for reference I am 20 and this girl is 28. Over the summer I developed this friends with benefits with this woman and we had a little bit of fun for a while. I never developed feels for her because I was able to differentiate between feelings and sex, she didn't. She told me two months afterwards that she loved me, I was startled by this as I thought we were pretty clear on the ramifications of our relationship. I knew she was at the tail end of her marriage, she already scheduled for their divorce about two months after I actually met her and about a week and a half after our sexual relationship started. it was wrong for me to become the OM, but I was horny and her marriage was already ending. My other head thought for me, and thinking in hindsight it was wrong. So, her husband hired a private investigator, found out, and used this to benefit at her divorce hearing. He could assume she has been seeing me for much longer, how could she ever prove it was much shorter? I was very worried. I told her that we need to stop sleeping together as this could get violent. I told her I felt guilty about it as well as I thought with my lustful head and only my lustful head. So, while I remained her friend, we didn't sleep with one another. Down the line, a few months actually, she still has feelings for me. I didn't want to tell her outright that I did not want to be with her due to the weirdness of everything was going on and that I was very worried her ex-husband would become violent towards me. So, down the line her husband did talk to her and they reconciled as friends so much so that her ex-husband wanted to have a threesome with me. Yes, a threesome with me and his ex-wife, the girl I have been discussing this entire time. I found it incredibly weird. Why was he so okay with me? It was all filled with strangeness. So, I actually developed feelings towards this girl as a good friend as she has done very kind things for me, but I did not develop love for her due to everything that occurred which signaled a very bright red flag. She even started to sleep with him again on multiple accounts. Karma and irony, I guess. I was not offended as I did not have deep romantic feelings, but instead was confused and worried. This was a big red flag for me considering they got out of a marriage a month or two afterwards. One thing else that struck me as very strange was the fact that she mentioned she still had feelings for all her ex's from her failed relationships. She called it being a hopeless romantic, I thought of it as not moving on. So, if I am dating her, I would have to deal with the fact that she still loves her exes. So, now let's fast forward to the present: she sent me a text stating that she loves me deeply. I ignored it and told her I did not want anything at the moment, I just wanted a friendship right now with her, and she said it was best. But considering her behavior, she does not believe this. I need to talk to her as I do not have the same feelings that she has for me. I love her as a friend that turned into a very good friend in a short period of time, but I do not love her as a romantic partner and at some times I do, but then I'm reminded that she is having sex with her ex-husband and all the weirdness that occurred in a four to five month time span. How do I handle this situation? No matter what I say, she will be devastated and I feel absolutely terrible about it. However, if I ignore my feelings I am doing a disservice to myself. i feel awful, as while we are not dating, I feel like I am the dumper in this situation. I know I am at fault as well, but how should I handle this situation? I understand I should have stopped contact with her as I did not want any feelings to develop further and considering the situation, it would have been the best option. I was naive to think that somehow I could maintain a friendship and everything would be sorted out in the end. God, I feel so stupid and guilty. I feel so guilty that I am going to break her heart no matter how strange the situation is. Edited December 14, 2014 by Bishop556
Satu Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I think you should go total NC. This kind of triangular relationship is bad for all concerned.
Recommended Posts