tito1501 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 First of all, thanks in advance ! After a good night together, me and my new date (we are both 20 years old) started talking about sexuality. After some time she told me she already made out with a girl and she thinks she may be bisexual even though she is not sure. When she told me that I was shocked. We have been together for one month and we are still getting to know each other. She is a trustful person that really knows what she wants and I feel, and maybe that's what I most admire on her, she wants to be free, doesn't want a guy to be boring beside her. I just don't know how to react to it, she told me that she certainly prefer guys and as she wants to have a family some day she knows her thing is "men". Do you think it is big deal? Does it show that she may not be a person to put so much expactations on ? Furthermore, she smokes weed very frequently and I really dislike it; I smoke sometimes but she takes it to another level. Is there any way I could influence her to stop or reduce weed consumption ? Thanks again.
Gloria25 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I don't take people in their 20's that seriously...they are still figuring out themselves. They won't be the same person at 20, 25 and 28 - even 30. Yes, people experiment with sexuality and IMO, it's kinda more "fluid" for girls to go in/out of being with a girl. I think the only way you can find out is with time. But, I again, I don't take people in their 20's that seriously. 3
Jules Dash Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 In regards to the bisexuality, I think she is probably still learning more about herself. I don't think it anything to worry about. Overall, I think it is a good experience to date someone like this. You learn to be more accepting and less judgemental in relationships and in general which helps in other areas of your life. I dated and lived with a bisexual woman before and it really was a very insightful experience. The weed smoking could be the bigger issue if its excessive only if it affects her daily function. Is she lying on the couch all day high watching Tom & Jerry or actually working towards some quality goals? 1
StalwartMind Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 You could tell her how you feel about her smoking habits, and maybe she'll cut back on it. Some people are pretty open to suggestions, and if she is a truthful person, then perhaps she also have other good traits such as seriously considering what someone close to her have to say. It's worth a shot since you care about this gal. In regards to sexuality, Gloria25 covers that pretty well, people can change but for the time being just enjoy each other as much as you can and let things unfold. 1
Gaeta Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I agree with the others and lets say you are older and more serious the more important question would be does she believe in monogamy. She can like boys and girls but once her heart is set on someone if she beleives in monogamous relationships there is no problem. Liking both sexes does not give you a free pass to have sex on the side without your partner consent. 2
Narcolept Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 There's a spectrum of sexuality called the Kinsey scale. Some people can be pretty fluid and can be somewhere in the middle of that spectrum. And some can still be trying to figure out where they stand. I hooked up with a girl who had dated another girl for 3 years. When I asked her about it she said that she is mostly attracted to guys and so was her ex. But in each other they found something they liked. Soo....on the Kinsey scale she was probably a 2. But just because she was with a girl for 3 years didn't mean she wasn't sexually attracted to guys; and just because she is more physically attracted to guys didn't stop her from being in a relationship with a girl for 3 years. Also as far as I'm concerned, being attracted to another girl and making out with them is very very different from having a long term relationship with sex involved. So maybe your girlfriend is more of a 1 on the scale (or she doesn't know cause she hasn't really tried). Long story short, just because someone's also attracted to the other sex doesn't mean you guys couldn't have a great relationship. About the weed smoking though, yeah talk to her about it. She won't change if she doesn't want to but you telling her that it's important to you could make a difference. She might already have thoughts about cutting back and your talking about it could give the impetus of "my friends and family are affected by me smoking so much. Maybe I should think about how much I smoke..." 1
Jules Dash Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 There's a spectrum of sexuality called the Kinsey scale. Some people can be pretty fluid and can be somewhere in the middle of that spectrum. And some can still be trying to figure out where they stand. I hooked up with a girl who had dated another girl for 3 years. When I asked her about it she said that she is mostly attracted to guys and so was her ex. But in each other they found something they liked. Soo....on the Kinsey scale she was probably a 2. But just because she was with a girl for 3 years didn't mean she wasn't sexually attracted to guys; and just because she is more physically attracted to guys didn't stop her from being in a relationship with a girl for 3 years. Also as far as I'm concerned, being attracted to another girl and making out with them is very very different from having a long term relationship with sex involved. So maybe your girlfriend is more of a 1 on the scale (or she doesn't know cause she hasn't really tried). " I mostly understand what you are getting at but perhaps it would be more helpful to provide more detail of how the Kinsey scale work before applying it to the OP's situation. For example, is the scale from 1 to 100 or 1-5 and what does the numbers on the scale mean. 1
Narcolept Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Oh right, sorry. Kinsey scale goes from 0-6. 0 is completely heterosexual, 6 is completely homosexual. 3 is equally heterosexual and homosexual. There's a neat little chart on wiki Kinsey scale - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia In the OP's case, I'd guess she's a 1 or 2? 1 meaning Mostly heterosexual with incidentally homosexual, 2 meaning Mostly heterosexual but more than incidentally homosexual. I just wanted to point out that just because she wants a family doesn't necessarily mean that she's more interested in men. But if she is more interested besides that point, then you can probably take her word for it. 1
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I think bisexuality is just a trend or fad that straight women try out for a short time because they are bored or something I suppose and not an actual orientation. First of all, thanks in advance ! After a good night together, me and my new date (we are both 20 years old) started talking about sexuality. After some time she told me she already made out with a girl and she thinks she may be bisexual even though she is not sure. When she told me that I was shocked. We have been together for one month and we are still getting to know each other. She is a trustful person that really knows what she wants and I feel, and maybe that's what I most admire on her, she wants to be free, doesn't want a guy to be boring beside her. I just don't know how to react to it, she told me that she certainly prefer guys and as she wants to have a family some day she knows her thing is "men". Do you think it is big deal? Does it show that she may not be a person to put so much expactations on ? Furthermore, she smokes weed very frequently and I really dislike it; I smoke sometimes but she takes it to another level. Is there any way I could influence her to stop or reduce weed consumption ? Thanks again. 1
MrMeh Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I think bisexuality is just a trend or fad that straight women try out for a short time because they are bored or something I suppose and not an actual orientation. Nothing like a sweeping generalization to remind me that people aren't ignorant. 1
Gloria25 Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I agree with the others and lets say you are older and more serious the more important question would be does she believe in monogamy. She can like boys and girls but once her heart is set on someone if she beleives in monogamous relationships there is no problem. Liking both sexes does not give you a free pass to have sex on the side without your partner consent. You hit it on the nail ^^.... Someone's sexual preference only becomes an issue if they are concealing/suppressing/denying it. Don't drag people into a RL if you're not interested in that particular gender. 1
Andy_K Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Most of my exes have been bi to some degree. They're all now in committed LTRs with boyfriends. Their sexuality does not affect their ability to be in a monogamous relationship, and generally it's only guys they want relationships with, regardless of who they find attractive sexually. In short, react as if you're totally unphased by it and it's normal. Also... If a girl is willing to tell you this, take it as a bonus that she is open about her sexuality and willing to experiment. Next time you're dating a 100% straight girl who's more uptight/reserved about sex, you might find yourself longing for that... 2
ascendotum Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 There's a spectrum of sexuality called the Kinsey scale. Some people can be pretty fluid and can be somewhere in the middle of that spectrum. And some can still be trying to figure out where they stand. I hooked up with a girl who had dated another girl for 3 years. When I asked her about it she said that she is mostly attracted to guys and so was her ex. But in each other they found something they liked. Soo....on the Kinsey scale she was probably a 2. But just because she was with a girl for 3 years didn't mean she wasn't sexually attracted to guys; and just because she is more physically attracted to guys didn't stop her from being in a relationship with a girl for 3 years. Also as far as I'm concerned, being attracted to another girl and making out with them is very very different from having a long term relationship with sex involved. So maybe your girlfriend is more of a 1 on the scale (or she doesn't know cause she hasn't really tried). Long story short, just because someone's also attracted to the other sex doesn't mean you guys couldn't have a great relationship. Does the Kinsey scale apply to guys the exact same way? I agree with the other posters here, that its no big deal, but really that's for us to say and if the OP sees otherwise then there is nothing wrong with him deciding an ambiguous sexuality girl is not for him. I still feel there is a double standard here though in that I bet a lot less women would be cool with a guy S&F'ing other guys as part of learning about his sexuality phase. I'm currently with a bi woman and she has told me should would be cool if I was bi but I think that's unusual. 1
bathtub-row Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I'm not in your shoes but if a guy said this to me - that he has slight interests in other guys - I'd run for the hills. Personally, I see this as a big red flag. As far as the pot smoking, this is another red flag. Understand that, unlike men who produce new sperm, women do not produce new eggs every 6 months or so. What we have is what we're set with for life. This is why a woman's instinct is to be more cautious. Nature designed us that way. This woman has thrown caution to the wind and, by doing that, could very well have a child with birth defects. I had friends who smoked pot quite a bit, until she became pregnant. Even though she stopped smoking it during her pregnancy, it was too late. They discovered a serious health problem within months of their son being born but I could tell the moment I saw him that something wasn't right. He was a beautiful child, though, but he died when he was about 2 yrs old. That was the most horrible funeral I had ever been to. People love to think that their actions when they're young have no impact on their future, but they do. If you end up having children with this woman, understand that you're risking having a child with severe problems. She's also likely to decide, somewhere down the road, that she actually prefers women to men. Based on the other comments here, I know no one else agrees with me on this but those are my thoughts. I see a couple of things here that I would personally consider deal breakers for a long-term relationship. 1
shet Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 On its own bisexuality doesn't really mean anything except someone's had some life experiences that opened them up to to same gender, which is normally an enforced barrier. It's doesn't imply promiscuity or polyamory. Unfortunately it often comes in a package deal with someone who is like that. I've never known someone calling themselves bisexual who had, frankly, a healthy balanced attitude to sexuality. They've always been one flavour or another of ****ed up, with drama filled lives and personality issues. And yes, drug use. My advice is stay away. 1
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