Windman17 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 So my ex and I were in a LTR until she broke it off a few months ago because the same feelings weren't there, or whatever it may have been. A month or two later she started seeing another guy (still with him), even though she's "unsure about him and how she feels toward him." We stayed in contact a little bit after but haven't had real contact in over a month. Lately she's been messaging here and there with little things, like saying she found some things of mine she can give to me or bringing up little things that we both enjoyed. I'm civil toward her but don't go overboard with my responses. Then, out of the blue yesterday, she texted her sister (who I've always had a good relationship with but she hasn't been close with lately) saying "I've been so depressed lately, I think it's because of *my name*" She then went on to tell her that she's even more unsure of him now (even though she acts like she's happy on social media). I just started to move into a new place (she did as well as few months earlier - though we were supposed to be getting a place together pre-breakup) and when she found out that it was really happening, she lost it. She was with her new boyfriend and when she found out she went to the bathroom so that he wouldn't see her crying. She then tried to come out and be normal around him again but had to go back and cry because she couldn't handle her emotions. A little later she texted me saying "If you think I don't care about you, I do. I think of you (and our cat - who is now mine) every day, what we could have been, or should have been. I've been missing everything lately but I really want you to move on because as much as it hurts it will never be the same again, and I don't want to lead you on." She continued a little bit more saying she's unhappy with everything in her life, misses what we had, will always have a place in her heart for me.. but that she doesn't think she can be happy with me again, even though she clearly misses it and isn't any happier without me. I've been focusing on me but knowing that there is a chance that at some point I might want to take her back (if the opportunity came and I felt she could be trusted/was mature by then), what advice would you give to me on what to do/say?
flightplan Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 It's one of those things were you can pay for the pain now or pay for it later, either way, this doesn't end well for you, unless you're committed to moving on. Even if you do take her back, you'll always being wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. She's capricious at best, like a teenager... IMHO, move on and focus on building a solid, substantial, emotionally mature single life so that you'll be available and primed for the emotionally mature woman to come into you life. 1
MovingOnIsHard Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Trusted? What happened thaf prompted you to question your trust in her? I think it's inconsiderate of her to share how much she's suffering with you when she was the one who dumped you and has not indicated that she wants to get back with you. Also, she's bringing up drama with you while she's with her new boyfriend. I wonder how much drama she's laying on her new guy too (being emotional over her ex and her current bf have to deal with it). I get she's in pain but i think she should keep it to herself and not involve you in it because you need the space to heal.
organizedchaos Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 She's trying to have it both ways. Says she's depressed, misses you, etc. but can't be with you. Cut her off. Disappear. Allow her to wallow in her misery and suffer the consequences of her actions. You owe her nothing. She made her bed, she can lay in it. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 The only thing you can do is not be her emotional tampon. Because that's what she's trying to make you be. She's doing a classic dumper move -- using the person that was dumped to get over that person. Your best response is no response. If she wants you back, she'll let you know without playing these games.
EgoJoe Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Yeah, you can't even respond to the anger. Be a ghost. Heal.
Light Breeze Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 So my ex and I were in a LTR until she broke it off a few months ago because the same feelings weren't there, or whatever it may have been. A month or two later she started seeing another guy (still with him), even though she's "unsure about him and how she feels toward him." We stayed in contact a little bit after but haven't had real contact in over a month. Lately she's been messaging here and there with little things, like saying she found some things of mine she can give to me or bringing up little things that we both enjoyed. I'm civil toward her but don't go overboard with my responses. Then, out of the blue yesterday, she texted her sister (who I've always had a good relationship with but she hasn't been close with lately) saying "I've been so depressed lately, I think it's because of *my name*" She then went on to tell her that she's even more unsure of him now (even though she acts like she's happy on social media). I just started to move into a new place (she did as well as few months earlier - though we were supposed to be getting a place together pre-breakup) and when she found out that it was really happening, she lost it. She was with her new boyfriend and when she found out she went to the bathroom so that he wouldn't see her crying. She then tried to come out and be normal around him again but had to go back and cry because she couldn't handle her emotions. A little later she texted me saying "If you think I don't care about you, I do. I think of you (and our cat - who is now mine) every day, what we could have been, or should have been. I've been missing everything lately but I really want you to move on because as much as it hurts it will never be the same again, and I don't want to lead you on." She continued a little bit more saying she's unhappy with everything in her life, misses what we had, will always have a place in her heart for me.. but that she doesn't think she can be happy with me again, even though she clearly misses it and isn't any happier without me. I've been focusing on me but knowing that there is a chance that at some point I might want to take her back (if the opportunity came and I felt she could be trusted/was mature by then), what advice would you give to me on what to do/say? I could be wrong here, but basically she is saying that: "I'm extremely guilty for what I did to you and I want you to know that. I hope by saying I'm unhappy and miss you you'll feel good so I can move on with a clear conscience. Don't get me wrong though, I don't want you." Would you really want this kind of girl? You deserve BETTER brother.
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