whatdoido? Posted March 22, 2005 Posted March 22, 2005 awwwww i don't know what to do. i met this girl from work and we hung out a few times then i did something stupid. I told her that i liked her and she came back with the "i like you as a friend" spiel. i was hurt by this and didn't have the common sense to run away....we hung out a few more times...but i thought she was lying to me. See there is this other guy...lets call him calvin, anyways she and calvin were getting pretty close and i was hearing rumors they were more than just friends. I asked her about him and she said that they were "just friends' but whenever i heard anything coming form his mouth it seemed more than that. for instance i straight up asked him and he responed wiht "whatever she said is going on, that is what is going on" basically dodging the whole question. either he is covering up what is actually going on or he is tryin to make me jelous. Well i asked this girl if she wanted to hang out and play some frisbee golf in the park last week and she said that it sounded like fun and that she would call in the morning when she woke up...i don't get a call by 1 so i call her and guess what? she is out "shopping" with calvin! i was like fine when you get done blowing me off for calvin give me a call and she said ok. i was like wtf! she said she forgot about our plans becasue she took some medicine for her headache the night before. does this sound like complete bull**** to you or what ? so anyways i knew that calvin was the type of bitch that is so pussy-whiped that he will report anything to her so i tell him that i think that this girl is a complete bitch...and of course he relays that info the the girl in question. she txt's me today saying that i was completely out of line and to never talk to her again. i replied with "like you have room to talk, you are a backstabbing liar" and she asked what she lied about and i told her that she was lying about calvin. she said that she never lied about calvin and that i shouldn't talk to her anymore. i don't know what to believe....i have probably f***ed up any chance i had ever had wiht her by now...but i feel bad for jumping to conclusions about her...was i right to tell her this? what would you guys do if you were in this situation? i will awate any advice you guys have...i really need it.
tanbark813 Posted March 22, 2005 Posted March 22, 2005 Well no, you weren't right for texting her that, but it sounds like you were dead in the water from the start. You got placed in the friend zone from the very beginning.
scarface Posted March 22, 2005 Posted March 22, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 Well no, you weren't right for texting her that, but it sounds like you were dead in the water from the start. You got placed in the friend zone from the very beginning. i hate teh friend zone....i think whoever made the friend zone should be shot to death with toothpicks > i dunno...maybe apologize?
d'Arthez Posted March 22, 2005 Posted March 22, 2005 Cut your losses and move on. Whatever is going on between Calvin and her, she allows that. And she did not allow you to do the same things. After you sent the text, and received her response, you'd better ignore her and Calvin completely.
whatdoido? Posted March 22, 2005 Posted March 22, 2005 my friends are telling me to apologize and see what she does....i don't know even if i want a second chance.....im jus really confused. maybe i should cut my losses. but if i was wrong about her i am going to feel really bad.
WithOrWithoutYou Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 Stick a fork in ya, you're done. 1. Tanbark is right. You got put in the "friend only" zone from the start. To be fair, she told you this up front. 2. You asked her about Calvin. She didn't think it was any of your business that she was doing him, so she lied, and said he was just a friend. 3. You figured this out, and knew that Calvin probably saw you as competition by now, and would report back anything you said about her that he thought she wouldn't like or that he thought would piss her off, so you told Calvin you thought she was a bitch, and he did as you predicted he would do. 4. As you should have expected, she didn't like you calling her that, and decided that since you were just a friend anyway, she would just write you off. She did exactly that, and asked you not to contact her anymore. 5. If this girl isn't interested in you, is lying to you about who she is interested in, doesn't do what she says she will do, and blows you off for the guy she IS doing without a good excuse, why would you want her anyway? You have no pre-existing relationship with her, you are not in love with her, and there are 3 billion others out there, 1.5 billion of which are probably not attached! And if you did really want this one, why did you relay to her through Calvin that you thought she was a bitch? And even if you had some reason to do that, why did you do that with someone you have to work with? Move on. You have ZERO chance with this girl - and even if you did, why? Apologize, or don't, if you have to work with her, but it probably doesn't matter. Just don't keep pursuing her or you may end up losing your job.
IhateThisLife Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 i decided to register.... i think the main reason why this whole thing is messing me up inside is because she knows how i feel about her. or how i did feel about her. you really think i destroyed any chance that i had with her? i guess i am just too hopeful . i am still going to txt her and apologize for me being an ass....i don't care if she still doesn't want to talk to me...i just hope she can forgive my stupidity
WithOrWithoutYou Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 Don't keep texting her repeatedly. If you really want to send one self-depricating text, she probably won't make an issue of it (of course, there is no guarantee of that), but really, why? She IS doing the other guy, you DID call her a bad name, it DID make her mad at you, and she has already told you that she was (note the past tense there) only interested in you "as a friend". Good God man, give up! I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you really deserve better. She had plans with you, and blew them off, so she could be with the guy she was clearly more interested in "in that way". That was just rude of her, even if she did consider shopping and a roll in the hay preferable to frisbee with "a friend" (that would be you). Now she is playing the "do not contact me" game, and if you keep doing so, she is liable to go to your boss and say that you are harassing her. Do you really want that to happen? Find some girl that IS interested in you "in that way", and just chalk this one up to experience. Look at it this way, if you were really super into her, and it wasn't mutual and she only wanted to be friends and never anything more (and obviously she didn't want to be a really close meaningful friend if she could blow you off at the drop of a hat), that just would have sucked anyway, so you are better off not spending large amounts of time with her. Don't beat yourself up about it, just learn from the experience (lesson here: giving "guy friend with benefits" of girl you are interested in information to use against you, when you are still interested in her but she thinks of you only as a friend, is generally a bad idea). But like I said, there are many others, and this one doesn't sound very nice anyway if she would blow off someone she made plans with, even just a friend, to do something spontaneous with her FWB and not even bother to call.
IhateThisLife Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 so you don't even think i should apologize so she can't go to my boss and tell him that i have been bad mouthing her?
tanbark813 Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 Originally posted by IhateThisLife so you don't even think i should apologize so she can't go to my boss and tell him that i have been bad mouthing her? 1. She probably won't do that anyway. 2. Even if she did, why would he care? (unless he's her dad or something)
IhateThisLife Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 1. She probably won't do that anyway. 2. Even if she did, why would he care? (unless he's her dad or something) i don't know....do you think i should just send her a short txt saying "im sorry that i overreacted and was disrespectful to you." or something?
tanbark813 Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 Originally posted by IhateThisLife i don't know....do you think i should just send her a short txt saying "im sorry that i overreacted and was disrespectful to you." or something? I think the consensus is that you shouldn't attempt to contact her in any way at this point. Next..
IhateThisLife Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 I think the consensus is that you shouldn't attempt to contact her in any way at this point. Next.. consensus? doesn't that take more than 1 person? next what? i don't think you understand where im coming from...i don't care if she hates me i just want to apologize for acting like a complete and total a**h***...i am usually not mean at all.
tanbark813 Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 Originally posted by IhateThisLife consensus? doesn't that take more than 1 person? next what? Yes it does. I believe WithOrWithoutYou and d'Arthez agree that you should move on. Originally posted by IhateThisLife next what? Next girl. Originally posted by IhateThisLife i don't think you understand where im coming from...i don't care if she hates me i just want to apologize for acting like a complete and total a**h***...i am usually not mean at all. I was simply answering your question as to what you should do now. If you want to text her an apology, then it's up to you, I'm just saying it's not going to change your chances with her.
IhateThisLife Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 tru...i guess ur right...i mean she wasn't a good friend and she never wanted to be more than that. so why should i try to make ammends...ur so smart! but what should i do if she approaches me? i doubt she will but what if?
tanbark813 Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 Originally posted by IhateThisLife but what should i do if she approaches me? i doubt she will but what if? Be polite but apathetic. Like you couldn't care less what happens one way or another.
pizzanova Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 She isnt interested in you at all. Anyways, you're making her out to be the bitch that she isnt. She's probably in the early stages of a relationship with Calvin, or sort of dating, or sort of becoming more friendly...who knows? I don't think she "lied" to you about what's going on. She probably thinks you're desperate now or something. I guess you could apologize via text, but dont make it sappy.
IhateThisLife Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 Originally posted by pizzanova She isnt interested in you at all. Anyways, you're making her out to be the bitch that she isnt. She's probably in the early stages of a relationship with Calvin, or sort of dating, or sort of becoming more friendly...who knows? I don't think she "lied" to you about what's going on. She probably thinks you're desperate now or something. I guess you could apologize via text, but dont make it sappy. what do you suggest i say?
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