The situation is untenable, but I can't figure out how to end it.

[plasticprincess]

I fell into a LDR about a year ago. It was a complete accident. A west coast friend of mine (I'm in KY) expressed an interest in me. I was not ready for "dating", neither was he. (I'd been divorced two years, and the dating thing wasn't working out. I didn't feel comfortable with anyone touching me. He was recently out of an off-on relationship of some years' duration.) But we sort of tentatively agreed to a "friends with benefits" sort of situation, to experiment with sex together whenever we saw each other.

 

That was my undoing. I have no discomfort with him, feel completely cherished and wonderful. We talk every day, sometimes for hours. And all our groundrules are broken. What was never supposed to be exclusive or emotional has become both. And I have kids, a house, family, and a life here. He has college debt up to his eyeballs and a life in San Francisco. I cannot afford a house there, under any circumstances. He can't get a job here with the opportunities he has there. We're stuck. And as more time goes on, I keep wondering, is he the right one? Things work with him much better than they did with anyone else in my experience. We're just very "right" together. I would dearly love to be able to date him in the normal manner, and see where we go. I'm horribly jealous of all the people who get to just see him every day. I'd give anything to be able to just do something simple like go see a movie together, or cook a meal in the same room.

 

Not being able to see him regularly breaks my heart. I find myself spending roughly the same amount of time trying to convince myself it's not worth it, as I do looking at apartments and job offers in his area. I'm clearly mad. I can't believe I keep trying to find a way to uproot myself and my kids to be nearer this man. Then I feel weak and stupid for wanting to, when I know better. Being together in the same city is impossible. I need to let go of the dream and I don't know how. Any suggestions on doing so would be helpful. (Or anyone with a house in SF who'd trade for a house in Louisville, that'd work too!)

[missopinionated]

Has this guy (who has no children and is therefore WAY more mobile than you are) even expressed the slightest interest in A) having you move out there or B) moving to your location?

 

Here's the question to ask him: "I'd really like it if you were to move out here. How do you feel about that?"

 

How do you get out of this?

 

Quit answering his phone calls. It isn't like he lives next door....

 

What's the worst that could happen? You get out of a LDR now, before your and your children's hearts are broken (because kids DON'T need transient parents)

 

Or

 

He says "Yah, I'd love to live closer to you."

 

Put the oness on him to make the move. If he won't do that for you -- or consider it seriously -- what other important things will he not consider on your behalf?

 

Raise the bar!