st peter Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 hi, i'll do my best to keep this reasonably succinct. my ex and i dated long distance for a year and a half, she's american and I'm british, both aged 20 now. it was all a bit hollywood at the start, we met travelling in africa, i think it would be fair to say that for both of us it was our best experience so far in life. i worked, and flew to hers, stayed with her family, it was all too perfect. we skyped everyday as we both went to uni, and then she spent a whole month with me in london for xmas, meeting my whole extended family. it was wonderful. after that, things changed, she wasn't enjoying her uni, and it meant she became incredibly dependant on me, she would sometimes be in tears if i only managed to Skype her for an hour some days. but on the other hand, she got into university at the same city as me in england, and i have honestly never seen someone so happy. she started hinting at bigger things, and when she next came to england, i stumbled on her computer which had loads of pictures of wedding dresses and stuff, she even wanted to talk about future children. i let her indulge it, without realising how dangerous this was, and because it was fun, we were mad for each other. her summer turned into a drag where for weeks on end she had nothing to do. her mental health deteriorated and by the time i came back to america, she was bulimic and it seemed a little depressed. she was treating her friends, parents and starting to treat me pretty badly. anyway, when i left america, although it hadn't been as amazing as i might have hoped, she seemed absolutely set on being with me in england, crying her eyes out the day i left, and getting excited for me to pick her up in england., saying its all she has wanted since she met me. however, her visa didn't come through until really late, she became a mess, thought she wasn't coming and after a sticky period where i tried my best to help, she dumped me over Skype, in her words saying 'we were never a big deal'. then, a week later, i get a phone saying she has made it to england after all, can i come see her, literally having been in the city for 20 mins. she says i don't love you and i don't want to be with you, but then the next 3 days having sex with me, calling me all hours of the night, and being generally like a girlfriend to me. i thought we were going to make it work. then on her third day she had sex with some other guy. it was pretty horrible, she had been having sex with me literally hours before, she had got me to choose her outfit, id seen her off at the bus to go out and she had asked me to stay up so she had somewhere to crash. when she told me the next day, she said 'i feel great about myself'. i was a mess for a couple of weeks, not eating at all, she was smug, thought she had made friends, thought she was living up the uni life and i think kinda loved that she had been the one to move on. two weeks later she called me asking for a drink, i went along expecting an apology but it turned out of course she was miserable, had no friends (as i told her if her friend making strategy was to slut around) and basically i looked after her for a week, even sleeping with her (not sure what i was thinking). when she showed no gratitude and failed to apologise properly i told her enough was enough. i told her parents about the bulimia to get it of my responsibility, and when my ex told me to **** off, i let fly with a succession of possibly the most offensive text messages ever written, things i didn't know i could ever say. told her not to contact me, deleted her and all her friends from Facebook, and then went with a friend to miami as he wanted me to remember the good life, and feel good about myself again. since then, haven't heard from her although i sent her a message saying simply i was glad she wasn't stuck back in america. its been just under 2 months since i last saw her and it has helped me enormously, my feelings of betrayal have calmed and i can focus on normal life, and my mates have helped me enjoy being single again. but i do still think about her probably every day, i had such high hopes for her time in england. she was the furthest thing from a slut before she met me and although we had each had relationships before (hers probably a tad more serious than mine), i think its fair to say we were first proper love. i can see her enjoying the trashy uni single lifestyle for a bit, and finding other british lad/jock type guys hot and exciting for a while, but knowing her i feel that she has aimed for a lifestyle a lot lower than the one she really wanted. i am sure she will feel unfulfilled here after a while. she knows that i would have treated her like gold here in england, that i loved her and wanted to give her the time of her life (we had made a million plans of things we were going to do). anyway, what do people think? i fully understand she felt a need to take life into her own hands, but I'm scared that she may really just not care about me, especially as i care about her despite her hurting me. ill admit I'm still in love with the girl she once was, but i would be interested to hear peoples advice, and also whether people think i will ever hear from her again. did she really just simply stop caring? thanks!!
angiefly Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 anyway, what do people think? i fully understand she felt a need to take life into her own hands, but I'm scared that she may really just not care about me, especially as i care about her despite her hurting me. ill admit I'm still in love with the girl she once was, but i would be interested to hear peoples advice, and also whether people think i will ever hear from her again. did she really just simply stop caring? thanks!! You are in love with who she used to be but she isn't that person anymore. You can't save her/fix her. She has done some unsavory things with no regard to your feelings. Even if she does want you back, do you really want to be with someone who treats you that way? 2
Satu Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 The first thing that you should realise is that Bulimia is a serious mental/emotional illness, and that she's a very troubled and unhappy person, as are all who suffer from that illness. The second thing to realise is that you can't help her with that problem. She needs professional help. 'The girl she once was', is the wrapping that covered the unwell person that you met later. The relationship is over. Go total no contact. No contact directly, through third parties, or social media. Get on with your own life, and make it the best it can be. You will still think of her - thats just the way it is, but you will gradually start to feel better, and think less often about her. You can't help her, but you can help yourself.
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