The hardest qualities to find in a partner...

[most_distant_galaxy]

Someone who is clear as crystal. Not ashamed of who he is, what he feels, what he thinks. Because I would trust this man, and I can't see my self settling down with someone I don't trust.

 

Someone who has a kind heart. I don't mean a "nice" man. I mean a man who does good deeds when nobody's looking. I admire and love such people very much. Even when they appear grumpy/unsocial/jerks.

 

Someone who is very sensual. Most people can be sexy, but very few are sensually captivating.

[Woggle]

Another thing is somebody who realizes that stability and peace are not at odds with fun, passion and excitement. You don't have to have constant drama and upheaval to have these things.

[GemmaUK]

You don't have to have constant drama and upheaval to have these things.

 

 

These are not parts of a happy healthy relationship.

 

 

I agree.

[Frank2thepoint]

Was wondering what other qualities you guys feel are most difficult to find in a partner?

 

Affectionate, physically and emotionally. It's hard to find a woman that likes physical contact and also expresses her emotions.

 

Confidence. A woman that takes the initiative sometimes, instead of waiting for the man to start everything, such as contact, dates, starting a conversation, expressing feelings, affection, and sex.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Someone who can express themselves, their thoughts and emotions in an articulate way without having to lean on song lyrics, someone else's words or quotes, or any other kind of "artistic" expression in order to convey how they feel or even just to experience that liberating feeling.

 

It has been very frustrating at times for me in my romantic relationships to have much to express and the ability to do so and talk about these things deeply...desiring to receive something equal in return as a reciprocation or at least half way, and yet instead get blank stares as a response, or overwhelming distress or feeling flustered because they cannot filter or channel those emotions...they just get stuck through a narrow point and hardly anything gets through. I just have to see them with that look in their eyes..but they can't tell me exactly what they're feeling.

 

I've been sent poems, songs, and everything else you can think of but it feels impersonal and like someone else...I can't connect to it, I need your words, your feelings, not someone else's or to hear someone else's voice singing them.

 

I can't even give someone a card without writing something in it or it doesn't feel genuine.

 

And I have never myself read something or heard something and just felt "OMG that's so me in every way" because it's never deep or personal enough for it be be from me...nor would I ever express exactly what i want to say or feel from that, if anything I feel suffocated in a lack of being able to express more and more deeply...so I could never send someone else's words to say how I feel.

 

I feel obligated to read and understand women so that they don't have to express their feelings and thoughts to me themselves, instead I have to articulate to them how they feel...I often forget that at i even have to tell them that I know in order for them to realize that I already understand them.

 

I wish I only sought out things like trust, loyalty, similar music tastes....things I consider just basic and nearly meaningless on their own...I could care less about loyalty if I cannot build that level of trust or bond as well as other more important things first. It would be so much easier to seek these generic qualities in a partner or for a relationship...I don't understand the struggle if it's that's simple...surely you can find someone to fill that, but try finding someone who is self aware, reflective, responsible for their selves and actually thinks and desires beyond the surface and can actually share that final sum on a deeper much more intimate and personal level...good luck with that.

[ThaWholigan]

See for me, it's not even that he needs to be into 'my' style of music... I just want someone who's absolutely passionate about any music, whatever it is. Even if it's polar opposite to mine, such as hip hop or even country and western... as long as he can wax lyrical for a good solid hour on why his favourite album of all time holds that spot in his heart, that's good enough for me

 

When I ask somebody what music they're into and they say 'I like everything really' it's an instant deal breaker. As a musician, with a music degree, who's spent months touring the country and the world in orchestras and bands... it just signifies to me instantly that we are not compatible in the most fundamental way.

 

I'm sure many guys think the same about me when I say I'm not into sport, or that I don't really 'get' or enjoy art... each to their own! But as a musician, I don't see how I could long term be partners with somebody really nonplussed by music.

 

Plus a boyfriend is the BEST gig buddy: always available and means I don't have to go to as many shows alone!

From a fellow musician, kudos . I can sort of echo the sentiment. I'd like to find someone who's passionate about music too, but for me that hasn't been too difficult to find.

 

Having said that, I can admit to having a rather eclectic ear

[Els]

There are lots of qualities that I view as important. But the most rare of these important qualities that I've always sought in a man, is 'unsuperficiality', for lack of a better term. Men whose attraction is dictated more by a woman's personality and intellect, and less by appearance. I accept that everyone is influenced by visuals to a degree, including myself, but it's important to me that a partner not prioritize them over everything else. Fortunately I do have such a partner - but damn was he difficult to find.

 

As I said, there are other qualities that are equally important to me, if not more so - loyalty, dedication, willingness to put effort into a relationship, responsibility, etc. But those, while still rare, are not as difficult to find as the quality I mentioned above IMO.

[TouchedByViolet]

A girl who wants to tear my clothes off.

[Thegreatestthing]

Definately someone into old traditions,their heritage etc.

I don't think anything could attract me more to a guy,but it's quite rare to find.

[shet]

Humour and wit first of all. I'd say no more than 1 in 3 of the women I may meet "get" my humour enough to let a conversation flow - it's cynical, dark and often self deprecating. And rapid fire. A lot of people, let alone women, are too goddamn slow to keep up, and nothing kills humour more than having to repeat yourself. Being able to laugh at EVERYTHING is important to me because everything is a joke, the universe is a hologram, reality is an illusion, buy gold.

 

Being laid back. My family was torn apart by the workaholic nature of my parents, and my sister is committing the same mistakes in her own life. People that think throwing themselves into a career, that somehow their tireless efforts on behalf of a faceless organisation will be noticed and rewarded later on, are making a gigantic mistake. All those ****ers getting promoted don't get it through taking stupid shifts and knocking their bollocks off, you're being taken advantage of. You're throwing your real life away and you won't realise until you're nearing retirement, you wasted your best years, and your kids treat you like a stranger. Workaholics put me right off.

 

Modesty, or lack of vanity. There's a massive wave at the moment of the cult of the individual, and a lot of women particularly the younger crowd are obsessed with the way they look. It's deeply unattractive. Yes I want to bang a pornstar looking tart in tight clothes, heels and face like a mask, but I wouldn't even want to have a conversation with her let alone a relationship.

 

Absolute honesty. This is a new one. I've realised that a lot of people have problems communicating. Generally, or emotionally. It's become very important to me that someone is emotionally literate and able to be honest about themselves and what they're feeling. Partly because that's what I've realised I want to be with people, certainly with a partner. No secrets, nothing unmentioned. I've dated a few women like this and it is both liberating and intimate and that's what I want.

[Andy_K]

Agreed. I don't send the food back because I know how hard they work and understand that in the bigger scheme of things, it's no biggie that the food is not exactly to my taste. In fact, if I was on a date and the guy did that I would note that he thinks he is the center of the universe and lacks empathy.

 

I have to agree with ES on this. I very much dislike dating anyone who's too confrontational about little things. If someone gets bent out of shape when they're served curly fries instead of straight ones, how badly are they going to blow up when REAL problems enter their life or the relationship? I want someone who handles stress well, knows not to sweat the small stuff, and is wise enough to pick their battles carefully.

[todreaminblue]

i look for the best in people in general......and when i am looking to date a guy....i look for gentleness......someone understanding and compassionate a guy who loves kids.....who would get down on the floor and play with them who cares about them....who listens to them...i cant have more children unfortunately not naturally anyway........but i do have a growing supply of grandchildren....and i love kids...i have neighbourhood kids...who often need to talk...and i need a guy understanding of that.....someone who understands i take kids in......and that i find.....is a rare trait for a guy to have .....the ability to understand a child and take the time to do it...it leads to other diamond traits......compassion, firmness and strength, patience, generosity of spirit....my ex for all he did wrong...always had kids coming up to him and hanging off him...when we had a pool neighbourhood kids would come from all around and we would supervise them on hot summer days swimming in the pool they had a blast.........he has a generous heart and a patient spirit....thats the sort of traits i seek out.....and i normally find them....deb

[Els]

I have to agree with ES on this. I very much dislike dating anyone who's too confrontational about little things. If someone gets bent out of shape when they're served curly fries instead of straight ones, how badly are they going to blow up when REAL problems enter their life or the relationship? I want someone who handles stress well, knows not to sweat the small stuff, and is wise enough to pick their battles carefully.

 

Interesting. I don't think it's about being confrontational, as one can be very polite and courteous while doing so. I don't tend to do it for the small stuff, but if it's a nice restaurant and an expensive steak that was overcooked, I'd nicely let them know. And I respect people who do the same - politely, of course, swearing and bitching at the waiters is out of the question and a dealbreaker.

 

I get that waiters and kitchen staff work hard... but so do all of us. If I delivered sub-standard work to my supervisor, or work that wasn't according to specifications, you can bet your behind he'd tell me to re-do it. Not say, "Oh, well, she put a lot of effort into it, we'll just accept it even though she did it wrong."