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I think I am going to give in and contact my ex. I am miserable already.

youcanever

By youcanever
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Chatmonkey Established Member

Chatmonkey

Posted
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I just want to write her.

 

"I just want you to know that I am going through the same pain or maybe even worse than yours. I feel your pain as much as I feel mine. I am with you on this disturbing journey. We will get through it. Stay strong."

 

Too bad?

 

by dumping someone and then saying your in more pain than them, it literally screams "me me me" narcissistic ******* who doesn't care about anyone except themselves.

 

 

Rant over.

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youcanever Established Member

youcanever

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If my ex who dumped me told me she was going through WORSE than me because of it I would be infuriated and would not give two sh*ts because SHE inflicted it on herself as you have, but the dumpee did not self-inflict, the pain was forced on to them by another which they could not control.

 

Don't say you're in more pain. Your pain is self-inflicted, hers is not. BIG difference.

 

Okay, how about that?

 

"I just want you to know that I am going through the same pain as yours. I feel your pain as much as I feel mine. I am with you on this disturbing journey. We will get through it. Stay strong."

 

In this message I am not saying I miss her or I want her. I am just letting her know that I know her feels.

Edited by youcanever
RedButton Established Member

RedButton

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Consider it like this, you obviously broke up because there was something wrong in the relationship.

Right now you're scared and confused and just want to go back to how things were.

 

Now I'm not saying those feelings aren't real. You might actually eventually decide 'I want to get back together with her'. But right NOW, you're probably not thinking straight. You're probably scared and frustrated and this is not a good time to take action.

 

You should give yourself a month or so to get your head clear and get yourself into a state of mind where you can make decisions more logically. If you find that you can rationally think 'Yes, I want to be with her' instead of hurting and being scared then by all means send a text/phone her/whatever and say 'I want to get back together'

 

Right now it's not fair to yourself and not fair to her.

 

One thing though, if you make this decision, whatever it is, stand by it. Being wishy washy and open ended is a horrible thing to do to your ex. Don't give them false hope or get back together then have it all fall apart a month later.

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seekingpeaceinlove Established Member

seekingpeaceinlove

Posted
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YOU were the one who dumped her and you want to write her, "I feel your pain as much as I feel mine?"

 

Ridiculous.

 

You have no idea what she's going though as a dumpee and it's careless and incredibly selfish to send her that message and toy with her emotions.

 

Leave her alone to heal. You made the decision to leave the relationship, so own it. You have no intention to reconcile with her seriously so if you have any care and respect for this girl...leave her alone.

 

Like others have posted, your pain is self-inflicted.

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youcanever Established Member

youcanever

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consider it like this, you obviously broke up because there was something wrong in the relationship.

Right now you're scared and confused and just want to go back to how things were.

 

Now i'm not saying those feelings aren't real. You might actually eventually decide 'i want to get back together with her'. But right now, you're probably not thinking straight. You're probably scared and frustrated and this is not a good time to take action.

 

You should give yourself a month or so to get your head clear and get yourself into a state of mind where you can make decisions more logically. If you find that you can rationally think 'yes, i want to be with her' instead of hurting and being scared then by all means send a text/phone her/whatever and say 'i want to get back together'

 

right now it's not fair to yourself and not fair to her.

 

One thing though, if you make this decision, whatever it is, stand by it. Being wishy washy and open ended is a horrible thing to do to your ex. Don't give them false hope or get back together then have it all fall apart a month later.

 

she just called my phone. I didn't hear it. Should i call back?

Chatmonkey Established Member

Chatmonkey

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Okay, how about that?

 

"I just want you to know that I am going through the same pain as yours. I feel your pain as much as I feel mine. I am with you on this disturbing journey. We will get through it. Stay strong."

 

In this message I am not saying I miss her or I want her. I am just letting her know that I know her feels.

 

Just saying that you are going through the same pain I would be insulted as the dumpee. That's just my opinion though because my ex tried to explain this exact same thing to me and was getting upset and I was like "wtf".

 

 

Again as above poster said, you are just feeling scared because things have changed suddenly. You didn't expect this feeling. But it's completely normal. It shocks your body and mind when things suddenly change after so long of it being the same. It is completely understandable how you feel.

 

I would advise against because as above poster said you are not in the right frame of mind right now. Make any decision like this in a few days and mull it over with a coffee and a nice walk. Don't do anything hasty, there is more likelihood of you regretting it after.

Chatmonkey Established Member

Chatmonkey

Posted
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she just called my phone. I didn't hear it. Should i call back?

 

Did you send a text or was it done completely on her own?

 

If it was on her own, you can call her back imo... some people would argue against this probably, but i feel its different as you are not the dumpee in this case.

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youcanever Established Member

youcanever

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Just saying that you are going through the same pain I would be insulted as the dumpee. That's just my opinion though because my ex tried to explain this exact same thing to me and was getting upset and I was like "wtf".

 

 

Again as above poster said, you are just feeling scared because things have changed suddenly. You didn't expect this feeling. But it's completely normal. It shocks your body and mind when things suddenly change after so long of it being the same. It is completely understandable how you feel.

 

I would advise against because as above poster said you are not in the right frame of mind right now. Make any decision like this in a few days and mull it over with a coffee and a nice walk. Don't do anything hasty, there is more likelihood of you regretting it after.

 

I just saw that she called me. I don't know what to talk to her. It has been 10 days we haven't talked. I really thought she was over me.

 

Even if I talk, what am I going to say?

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youcanever Established Member

youcanever

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Did you send a text or was it done completely on her own?

 

If it was on her own, you can call her back imo... some people would argue against this probably, but i feel its different as you are not the dumpee in this case.

 

She used her roommate to contact my roommate and ask about me 3 days ago and their last messages were yesterday and my roommate didn't give them even a little information about me.

 

I didn't sent her a text or anything. We haven't contacted directly with each other for 10 days.

Chatmonkey Established Member

Chatmonkey

Posted
Posted
I just saw that she called me. I don't know what to talk to her. It has been 10 days we haven't talked. I really thought she was over me.

 

Even if I talk, what am I going to say?

 

 

she called you. she probably has something to say, its up to her to speak :)

Satu Established Member

Satu

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It's either over or not over.

 

Make your mind up.

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youcanever Established Member

youcanever

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It's either over or not over.

 

Make your mind up.

 

I just can not make up my mind. I want to be with her but I also don't want to be with her. I feel retarded right now and still not sure if call her back.

Chatmonkey Established Member

Chatmonkey

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In my opinion, if you are uncertain, walk away. You don't want to be with her.

 

The reason you THINK you do at the moment if for the above stated reasons of your head not being in the right place. something that was there suddenly isn't and even though you made that decision it's still a shock.

 

Once you adjust, you will know you did the right thing. You just need to get past this phase of shock.

 

Please don't ask for her back when you are still unsure, it is incredibly unfair on them. My ex treated me like a yoyo in the unsure phase, said she wanted me and the shortly after dumped me. It was bullsh*t.

 

Don't be that person. Do the right thing. Think rationally and calmly before making your decisions. Get your head in the right place.

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seekingpeaceinlove Established Member

seekingpeaceinlove

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Posted (edited)

OP, just read through some of your other posts and why you broke up with your ex. You did the right thing for yourself as it seems your ex was not truthful with you regarding her exes and also had inappropriate contact with them.

 

Look, detaching yourself from someone you care about is painful. It's human nature. Still, you had enough sense to listen to the red flags and make a decision using your head instead of just your heart...which many of us are unable to do. You walked away before you could invest more of yourself into the relationship.

 

If you're steadfast in your decision not to reconcile with your ex...remain NC and keep pressing forward. Contact, in any form, usually makes it much much harder for both parties to move on.

 

10 days since break up is way to soon to waffle on your decision. The emotions are fresh and you are in shock..these feelings don't necessarily equate to regret. Take at least the next 30 days, with NC, to reflect and then see where your head and heart is at that point.

 

Good luck and stay strong!

Edited by seekingpeaceinlove
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youcanever Established Member

youcanever

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In my opinion, if you are uncertain, walk away. You don't want to be with her.

 

The reason you THINK you do at the moment if for the above stated reasons of your head not being in the right place. something that was there suddenly isn't and even though you made that decision it's still a shock.

 

Once you adjust, you will know you did the right thing. You just need to get past this phase of shock.

 

Please don't ask for her back when you are still unsure, it is incredibly unfair on them. My ex treated me like a yoyo in the unsure phase, said she wanted me and the shortly after dumped me. It was bullsh*t.

 

Don't be that person. Do the right thing. Think rationally and calmly before making your decisions. Get your head in the right place.

 

I called her. But since the beginning all I wanted was to hang up. She sounded fine and she asked if I am going to city centre this evening. I said I don't think so etc. She wanted to meet me. After that I said, can I ask a favor from you? She said sure. Would you please stop contacting me please? She said okay. I said thank you. Then we hung up.

 

She sent a text. Wrote "I didn't want to bother you or confuse your mind. I talked to my friend and she told me to contact you one last time. I closed OP page in my life. "

 

I replied "It is okay. You didn't bother me or confused me. I just wanted to call you back one last time to ask from you to not contact me again. I really want you to be happy and get whatever you desire in life. Take care of your self."

 

She is still typing in whatsapp.....

Elle1975 Established Member

Elle1975

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What's up with all the dramatic behavior? Delete her from all your contacts, and move on. I also don't get the self righteous "FYI I'm suffering more than you" deal.

 

When something is over, there is no point in stabbing yourself a few more times to see if she'll react.

 

The girl has a "plan B" and your guts were right. Now that you got confirmation of your suspicions, time to chin up and walk away from this mess.

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youcanever Established Member

youcanever

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What's up with all the dramatic behavior? Delete her from all your contacts, and move on. I also don't get the self righteous "FYI I'm suffering more than you" deal.

 

When something is over, there is no point in stabbing yourself a few more times to see if she'll react.

 

The girl has a "plan B" and your guts were right. Now that you got confirmation of your suspicions, time to chin up and walk away from this mess.

 

I just feel bad because I am the one who dumped her. It doesn't matter if she has a plan B or C. I hurt her. Wish she writes me now that she has a boyfriend and she is happy. Then I'd gladly move on.

Satu Established Member

Satu

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I just feel bad because I am the one who dumped her. It doesn't matter if she has a plan B or C. I hurt her. Wish she writes me now that she has a boyfriend and she is happy. Then I'd gladly move on.

 

Stop holding on if you don't want to be with her.

 

If you feel guilty deal with that in your own time.

Elle1975 Established Member

Elle1975

Posted
Posted
I just feel bad because I am the one who dumped her. It doesn't matter if she has a plan B or C. I hurt her. Wish she writes me now that she has a boyfriend and she is happy. Then I'd gladly move on.

 

I think you exaggerate the impact that you have had on her life. Judging by how fast she bounced back from the "fatal blow" you gave her, she is just fine. You are the one who is hurting.

 

No worries, she will find a boyfriend. My feelings is that she probably was relieved when you called it.

 

Instead of dwelling on her obvious misery.. take care of yourself. Get away from her social medias, delete her as a contact, and start NC.

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