writergal Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Your boyfriend's poop-location issue smells rotten to me. As others here have pointed out, it's not about the poop. It's about the fact that you two have different ways you communicate conflict. He constipates his temper, holding his anger in, until something sets him off, then he has diarrhea of the mouth and it goes all over the place. Either he needs a communication laxative so he stops repressing/exploding, or he needs to learn to communicate better as do you. Both of your elimination communication techniques seem to clash. No lit match or air refreshener is going to solve the problem here. 4
Maleficent Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Your boyfriend's poop-location issue smells rotten to me. As others here have pointed out, it's not about the poop. It's about the fact that you two have different ways you communicate conflict. He constipates his temper, holding his anger in, until something sets him off, then he has diarrhea of the mouth and it goes all over the place. Either he needs a communication laxative so he stops repressing/exploding, or he needs to learn to communicate better as do you. Both of your elimination communication techniques seem to clash. No lit match or air refreshener is going to solve the problem here. So....many...puns...! lol 1
Gloria25 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I think playing immature childish games is what's going on here - not an grown-up discussion about the issue. I've had guys that come over use the hall bathroom - not my bathroom in the master. Without even asking them, I believe they did it cuz yes, when you go to the bathroom it can get noisy and/or smelly. Now, maybe he doesn't want you to use that bathroom cuz he doesn't want to have to clean it. My hallway bathroom is the one for primary use by my mum. So, I'm cautious about it getting messy cuz when guests come over, that's what they'll use. So, I periodically go and "check" it if you will. If it gets clutter, or she didn't flush well, I handle it - especially when I have guests coming over. So, while the topic may seem "different", I think how couples handle things - as small as they may be - is an indication on how they'll handle other things in a RL. So, I think the issue is communication here. Need to find out why he has an issue with the OP using that bathroom. It may be cleanliness. It may be he's tired of her "hiding" normal bodily functions. I mean, you can turn on a faucet, flush, or turn on the bathroom fan to muffle sounds/smells. You can also buy a can of air freshener and put in the bathroom so when you come over you can spray if it gets smelly. 1
writergal Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 So....many...puns...! lol Puns are my specialty. I had a TON more puns to use but alas didn't. Maybe I will yet though. Until this thread runs it course *ahem* (ok, there's one). Ha, ha! 2
Art_Critic Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Your boyfriend's poop-location issue smells rotten to me. As others here have pointed out, it's not about the poop. It's about the fact that you two have different ways you communicate conflict. He constipates his temper, holding his anger in, until something sets him off, then he has diarrhea of the mouth and it goes all over the place. Either he needs a communication laxative so he stops repressing/exploding, or he needs to learn to communicate better as do you. Both of your elimination communication techniques seem to clash. No lit match or air refreshener is going to solve the problem here. hahahahahaha, I just fell over reading that.. love-it 2
whichwayisup Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I have three words Glade Air Freshener. Or light a match. He needs to chill out and you two do need to talk about this. Find out if there's more going on. He totally over reacted.
writergal Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I think playing immature childish games is what's going on here - not an grown-up discussion about the issue. I've had guys that come over use the hall bathroom - not my bathroom in the master. Without even asking them, I believe they did it cuz yes, when you go to the bathroom it can get noisy and/or smelly. Now, maybe he doesn't want you to use that bathroom cuz he doesn't want to have to clean it. My hallway bathroom is the one for primary use by my mum. So, I'm cautious about it getting messy cuz when guests come over, that's what they'll use. So, I periodically go and "check" it if you will. If it gets clutter, or she didn't flush well, I handle it - especially when I have guests coming over. So, while the topic may seem "different", I think how couples handle things - as small as they may be - is an indication on how they'll handle other things in a RL. So, I think the issue is communication here. Need to find out why he has an issue with the OP using that bathroom. It may be cleanliness. It may be he's tired of her "hiding" normal bodily functions. I mean, you can turn on a faucet, flush, or turn on the bathroom fan to muffle sounds/smells. You can also buy a can of air freshener and put in the bathroom so when you come over you can spray if it gets smelly. 100% agree with you Gloria! Very childish behavior happening between the OP and her boyfriend. I think the OP and her boyfriend need a chart "what your poop [i.e. communication style ] says about you." Bathrooms are for elimination. My god, what's wrong with the OP's boyfriend if he doesn't get that?! 1
writergal Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 hahahahahaha, I just fell over reading that.. love-it I'm here to entertain! Always! 1
Gloria25 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 100% agree with you Gloria! Very childish behavior happening between the OP and her boyfriend. I think the OP and her boyfriend need a chart "what your poop [i.e. communication style ] says about you." Bathrooms are for elimination. My god, what's wrong with the OP's boyfriend if he doesn't get that?! Well, I was listening to my fav podcaster this week and similar issue came up. He husband would say something snarky to her in front of the kids (i.e. she didn't know how to fix the iPad) and instead of her calmly saying something like, "Well, I don't have a degree in IT, can you fix it?", she'd start yelling at him in front of the kids and then they would be making zingers back and forth for weeks on it... My fav podcaster pretty much told her that next time he does that, even if it's in public like at a restaurant, just to tell him that 'What he said isn't nice' and continue to eat. Not yell, get snarky, and zing back and forth.
Donnie Darko Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Maybe both the OP and her boyfriend need to get their colons cleansed. 2
LisaSmith_1970 Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I heard some guys are disgusted by poop, so when couples live together-there's always the one "special" bathroom either located upstairs, downstairs or where ever its located that's reserved for pooping-no questions asked.
writergal Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Well if you both only have one bathroom between you, then its time to talk poop. And come to terms with the fact that you shouldn't poop where you eat. That's why the kitchen and bathroom are separated. 1
lil hoodlum Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Wow, seriously, he gets pissed because you poop? I also agree that there is more to it than your use of the downstairs bathroom. Another poster said you need to talk to him. Ask him why he got so mad at you. Tell him are sorry and don't want to fight with him over something so trival as this. See if his demeanor doesn't change. 1
Woggle Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Then you should never poop again ever in your life. Just kidding. 1
preraph Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 (edited) Well, I think the lesson here is that your husband doesn't take criticism jokingly, even if he pretends to at the time. He felt humiliated and struck back. It's probably also to do with you telling him what to do in his home. So if I were you, I'd tell him you didn't realize since you were both laughing that you'd actually hurt his feelings or that he felt you were pushing him around and apologize. You started it. It's true you aren't psychic and couldn't know his reaction at the time wasn't an honest one, but you have to cover all bases and apologize for bossing him around AND hurting his feelings and also for taking liberties you have told him he can't have. Suck it up, girl. Save your relationship from going down the crapper. Don't start being his mommy. It's a romance/sex killer. Edited December 14, 2014 by preraph 1
Pyro Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 If you ever decide to have a child with this guy then you may want to keep him out of the room when you deliver. 2
FitChick Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 If you ever decide to have a child with this guy then you may want to keep him out of the room when you deliver. And don't expect his help changing diapers. 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I have three words Glade Air Freshener. Right....because nothing smells more refreshing than the smell of @ss, swirled in with the fragrance of fresh "Spring" air, like one of those half chocolate/vanilla ice creams..and from a metal container. It's like oh wow...I totally don't smell sh*t mixed with Vanilla Paradise...did somebody just poop here? I totally can't tell! I'm going to take a shower in it now. 1
Gloria25 Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 And don't expect his help changing diapers. Oh, changing diapers can get brutal.... BTW, I guess they won't be having pets either. I mean, especially when you're housebreaking them - there's poopies!!! Then, even after that, when/if they get diarrhea or stomach issues - there's vomit and/or accidents 1
JJOlay Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 This is very sad This is something so insignificant and the "fight" persisted through the night.. What is going to happen when you are arguing about something serious? I hope everything works out and you two get to the bottom of what all this was about. 1
Trimmer Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 (edited) If you ever decide to have a child with this guy then you may want to keep him out of the room when you deliver. And don't expect his help changing diapers. I think it's important to point out that I think the OP's subject line is misleading. He's not mad at her "for pooping," but for doing what they "joked" should not be done. The issue is about just exactly what expectations were communicated - very ambiguously, to be sure. But although he deserved his lumps here in the miscommunication and the level of anger with which he burst out, I think it's unfair to the BF to go with her title and say he has a problem, in general, with her pooping. Now, to the OP - you claim several times that it was a joke, and you seem to think you were both on board: No, it was definitely a joke that he should poop upstairs. I already told him that every time I'm just joking but he didn't really say anything to that. Also, he should def know those are jokes, because we're making these jokes together! For me it looks like it's less about the smell but more about me pooping downstairs while I told him while I was joking (and he was joking too) that he should poop upstairs. I think you have been generally missing the big point here, but you're starting to come around to it in the last of your quotes above. You thought you were both joking, but obviously he got upset about it, so there's clearly something that was being taken seriously here. I think others have pointed out that sometimes people can joke, but still be communicating real expectations, and it's my guess that this is what has been going on. You guys may have "joked" about it, but he may have accepted these communications as conveying real expectations. He may have perceived the joking (and participated in it) as being a light-hearted way to communicate about a sometimes-touchy subject, which then came across as a real expectation. When you didn't adhere to that expectation yourself, he perceived that you weren't willing to follow your own rules - rules that you expected him to follow. To be clear: I'm not necessarily saying you actually had those expectations. I'm saying I think he believed you had those expectation from the joking around, and that's the context in which he's responding. Now, his reaction seems excessive, but since you guys were not communicating directly about this - instead, only using the face-saving facade of "joking about it" - it's hard to say exactly when his frustration might have begun and over how much time it may have been growing. So I don't think it's accurate to say he's simply "mad at you for pooping." And I don't think the two of you were seeing eye-to-eye about all that joking. I think this is what you need to communicate clearly about, and try to come to a meeting of the minds, so you can both understand what expectations you have for each other. Because I don't think either of you is clear about that right now. Edited December 15, 2014 by Trimmer
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