Kbuzz Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 (edited) I have no idea if I am in the right place or just going hang myself out for a public flogging after reading some stuff here. I am nearly 20 and some would say pretty awesomely built but not sure myself. Engaged to be married next year BF is 5 years older than me. He is a secure find [please I mean that in a nice way] and I love him. We have a physical relationship but without sounding too hurtful he is business like rather than romantic - he is inexperienced and to that extent so am I - and I have never had an orgasm with him. He is good to me without being over attentive and yet sometimes can be so possessive - you could dress up and look a million dollars and he'd say - "Ah! ok you ready then" nothing else that would be it. That said if you went into battle he is the one you would want to lead the troops out. Here goes; I work in a large store with a fair mixture of guys and girls old and young and I enjoy the environment and the banter and there is a lot of politically incorrect sexual innuendo banter [something my bf would abhor]. I mix with everyone and things are good and one guy we call Dave the warehouseman has always been particularly nice to me. He is married and 20 years older than me but looks much younger and acts that way too he has two children and lives with his wife. I noticed early on in my job that he paid great attention to the girls and always complimented me on what I wore and my perfume and how good my legs were to the point that I felt I was show boating for him when I would get ready to go to work. But it made me feel good and noticed. I should not have said this but once admitted to Dave that I wished my bf would recognise what he did. His response was I hope your bf realises how lucky he is marrying you next year?" I remember thinking "so do I". My bf is not a car owner he can drive but hates cars [odd isn't it and he does not and will not have a mobile phone] he uses buses and he works a good hours bus ride from were I work but we live close to one another about 2 miles apart. When his buses ran to time he would often turn up after his work to meet me after my shift ended at 7 or 8 pm. He never actually comes in the shop [he says that's your space and people] he waits outside till I appear - hail rain or shine - we then share a bus ride home to mine and spend a few hours together or go out. After that the bf would walk home, I think this is why he is super fit walks everywhere he can. my bf and me never had any real talks about my work and so I never mentioned to him the attention I got from Dave and his telling me how good I looked and once or twice how he would love to take me away for a weekend of fun. My bf would have found that disrespectful from a married man - he would not have regarded it as anything like funny or banter. As the nights got darker and the weather turned more autumnal my BF buses took longer and he would get delayed and after aborted attempts and missing me leaving he said that it would be better if we met at the bus stop close to my home and he would wait there for me and we'd walk home. However by that time I was already on lots of occasions accepting lifts from Dave who said he had to pass that bus stop on his way home. It was not long before I found this a rather comfortable arrangement even though I chose not to tell my bf about the lifts. It did mean we got to the bus stop well before my bf and therefore had time for one to one chats without anyone else around. It was at this time that Dave and myself got more than a little playful even at work in the warehouse with touches, tickles, gropes and one or two peck kisses - I was I admit excited and agreeable to his attention which had not gone unnoticed by some of the girls I worked with. But some of them put two and two together because they had not seen my bf outside waiting for me for a while so I was fair game they thought and I did not talk about my bf to them that much. One Friday evening - this was around 6 weeks after I started having almost daily lifts from Dave - I should say here that being close to Dave in the car and alone he got much more daring and with the opportunity we had progressed to more than heavy petting and I had my first awe inspiring orgasm OMG it was like lifting the lid on a pot of steaming sexual frustration like I had never ever experienced - Dave was so experienced in doing exactly what was needed - and I was enjoying the feeling. Anyway this Friday evening my bf had got away early from work and thought he would surprise me by coming to meet me, it was dark and raining. He since told me that on the bus to my work he met one of my work colleagues who was on the bus and coming into night shift. She knew who he was and asked him what he was doing on this bus he answered going to meet me. Her reply was "oh you back on then" he says he said nothing and simply assumed she had gotten confused because he was not picking me up at that time. She and my bf made there way to the shop he went to a cash machine and she came in just as I was coming down the stairs inside the shop with Dave - she passed me and said she had seen my bf on the way to meet me - I left Dave's side and called her back and all she said was its ok don't worry - from that I thought she was pulling my leg. I could not see my bf outside through the windows so thought yeah she was joking. By then Dave had got to his car and so I ran in the rain head down and got into the car with him. Seemingly running right past my waiting bf. My bf witnessed this and said later that he ran after the car trying to catch my attention but with the dark and rain assumed we could not see him, to my eternal shame I have to say we both did see him but continued to drive on. He could not suspect anything untoward simply I had accepted a lift because of the rain could he? I knew that my bf was due to meet me at the bus stop as usual as far as he knew and Dave would usually pull into a pub car park close by and I would make sure I was there looking like I had been there earlier from the bus to meet my bf. But this night I knew he would be a bit of a time so Dave and me settled into our routine and got very steamed up. What we did not realise was that my boyfriend had understood that by my accepting a lift I would be at the bus stop earlier, much earlier than the bus, so he hopped in a cab. Now were we parked we could see the bus stop but of course we thought we had lots of time. We saw the bus after about 20 minutes in which time I had orgasmed and was well dripping with sweat and as high as a kite. Seeing the bus we sorted ourselves as much as we could and made our way over to the bus stop I and I got out of the car. Dave drove off and I watched the bus stop but no bf getting off. Then out of the shadows he appears BOO! - you know I was between scared and hysterical and then real worry set in - how long was he there did he see us in the pub car park just what was happening now. But he explained he got a cab because he thought we would get to the stop quickly and he did not want me hanging about in the rain. he asked what took us and I made up that we had to drop another person off which was not a great thing to say since I realised he had seen us get into the car. I did tell my bf that it was only the second time Dave had given me a lift and thought I had got out unscathed but my bf asked does he always kiss you when you get out of his car - I admitted that this was the first time and that he had tried to fondle me but I pushed him away. on the walk home my bf was quiet and thoughtful and when we got home genteelly probed a bit more so I did say that Dave was a bit of a womaniser and tried it on with all the girls. My bf then dropped a bomb - you know I was chatting to a girl on the bus, she had thought we had split, why do you suppose that?, why did you run back upstairs? does Dave give you lifts every night? we could ring Dave and ask him as well if you cannot tell me? My bf is not stupid and at this time I think he is playing a game with me talk about gamekeeper turned poacher- I really do not know what he knows - I spoke with Dave and he corroborated what I said to my bf but I do not think he believed it fully. I am getting a new job away from the store I worked My bf still wants to get married - I do too But there are real tensions inside of me and I know it sounds so selfish but what is remaining unsaid - sex with my bf I know it will not excite me like the experience with Dave and it will likely be the case that if it doesn't I will not want to do it that often and a sexless marriage ? I still am unaware of what my bf actually knows about Dave and me; he is to calm about the way he discusses it with little knowing digs, which result in my getting all huffy and confused. Should I fess up on everything get it out in the open so to speak and be in control of the information and facts? It could spell no to wedding or at the very least a long postponement. then there are times [this is going to damn me I know] when I have difficulty accepting full 100% responsibility for this there was in my eyes mitigation [my bf hardly ever smiles or laughs and there's the physical side] it is a worry that I can dismiss what has happened so easily. one friend said understand this - "you are an excited easily influence young girl in a desirable woman's body and you going to get hit on" in spite of all this I want to marry my bf - can I get through this? Edited December 13, 2014 by Kbuzz
Striver Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Don't get married to your boyfriend OR ANYONE at this time. Your "friend" Dave is a serial cheater. He has and will pull this crap with any willing female, and you are more than willing. No surprise that he "knows his way around." He takes every chance he can get. Be on your own for a while, and figure out what men are really like. You are young and do have some time.
BetrayedH Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 You owe the truth to your fiance so that he can also make an informed decision about whether he wants to marry. Otherwise you're tricking him into marrying an unremorseful cheater and already cursing him with an unfulfilling sex life. It also bears saying that you've solved nothing here and the fact that you've gotten away with it means you're likely to do it again. Does he deserve to be tied to a woman that plays single while married? Come clean with him. Then you each decide if you want to make a real effort in this marriage. It can happen (including the hot sex) if you both want it but it doesn't happen by taking the easy route. 2
Hobbes' wagon Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Please tell your boyfriend the truth about your cheating, he deserves it! If he's willing to give you another chance, we can help both of you to work to recover your relationship. It's obvious from your words that you have a consciousness and that you won't be able to hold this in for the rest of your life, and it appears that your BF is already suspicious. So it's basically certain that sooner you'll either tell him or he'll figure it out. So either way, the truth will come out. The difference is ->if you tell him immediately and on your own, there's a better chance that he'll be willing to try to reconcile with you. But if you tell him after 5 years, after you'll be married and have kids, he'll probably hate you for tricking him into marriage/kids by lying to him every day (because every day you don't tell him is another day you lie to him) and won't give you another chance. So for selfish and unselfish reasons it's better that you tell him immediately, before he figures it out on his own or someone from your work tells him the truth. Let us know what you think so we can help you. Best wishes
aliveagain Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 First thing you need to do is get yourself into independent counselling and find out why you need validation from other man. You have a huge problem with honoring boundaries, you need to resolve this because no relationship will work until you do. You have a foundation built of deception and betrayal how do you think that will work out for you? You are putting your boyfriend at risk, he to is having sex with other man in an indirect way. Sex doesn't define a relationship because at some point the excitement of a new relationship will change and if that is all you had for the foundation guess what else you can expect to change? No relationship without honesty will succeed all you will have is one lie after another protecting your original deception. What does this say about who you are? You allowed a predator into your relationship and now your banging him in his car just before you meet your boyfriend, that is rather dirty and disgusting. You need to end this now and work on yourself because your playing with fire, too many people know or already suspect.
aliveagain Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I have no idea if I am in the right place or just going hang myself out for a public flogging after reading some stuff here. I am nearly 20 and some would say pretty awesomely built but not sure myself. Engaged to be married next year BF is 5 years older than me. He is a secure find [please I mean that in a nice way] and I love him. We have a physical relationship but without sounding too hurtful he is business like rather than romantic - he is inexperienced and to that extent so am I - and I have never had an orgasm with him. He is good to me without being over attentive and yet sometimes can be so possessive - you could dress up and look a million dollars and he'd say - "Ah! ok you ready then" nothing else that would be it. That said if you went into battle he is the one you would want to lead the troops out. Here goes; I work in a large store with a fair mixture of guys and girls old and young and I enjoy the environment and the banter and there is a lot of politically incorrect sexual innuendo banter [something my bf would abhor]. I mix with everyone and things are good and one guy we call Dave the warehouseman has always been particularly nice to me. He is married and 20 years older than me but looks much younger and acts that way too he has two children and lives with his wife. I noticed early on in my job that he paid great attention to the girls and always complimented me on what I wore and my perfume and how good my legs were to the point that I felt I was show boating for him when I would get ready to go to work. But it made me feel good and noticed. I should not have said this but once admitted to Dave that I wished my bf would recognise what he did. His response was I hope your bf realises how lucky he is marrying you next year?" I remember thinking "so do I". My bf is not a car owner he can drive but hates cars [odd isn't it and he does not and will not have a mobile phone] he uses buses and he works a good hours bus ride from were I work but we live close to one another about 2 miles apart. When his buses ran to time he would often turn up after his work to meet me after my shift ended at 7 or 8 pm. He never actually comes in the shop [he says that's your space and people] he waits outside till I appear - hail rain or shine - we then share a bus ride home to mine and spend a few hours together or go out. After that the bf would walk home, I think this is why he is super fit walks everywhere he can. my bf and me never had any real talks about my work and so I never mentioned to him the attention I got from Dave and his telling me how good I looked and once or twice how he would love to take me away for a weekend of fun. My bf would have found that disrespectful from a married man - he would not have regarded it as anything like funny or banter. As the nights got darker and the weather turned more autumnal my BF buses took longer and he would get delayed and after aborted attempts and missing me leaving he said that it would be better if we met at the bus stop close to my home and he would wait there for me and we'd walk home. However by that time I was already on lots of occasions accepting lifts from Dave who said he had to pass that bus stop on his way home. It was not long before I found this a rather comfortable arrangement even though I chose not to tell my bf about the lifts. It did mean we got to the bus stop well before my bf and therefore had time for one to one chats without anyone else around. It was at this time that Dave and myself got more than a little playful even at work in the warehouse with touches, tickles, gropes and one or two peck kisses - I was I admit excited and agreeable to his attention which had not gone unnoticed by some of the girls I worked with. But some of them put two and two together because they had not seen my bf outside waiting for me for a while so I was fair game they thought and I did not talk about my bf to them that much. One Friday evening - this was around 6 weeks after I started having almost daily lifts from Dave - I should say here that being close to Dave in the car and alone he got much more daring and with the opportunity we had progressed to more than heavy petting and I had my first awe inspiring orgasm OMG it was like lifting the lid on a pot of steaming sexual frustration like I had never ever experienced - Dave was so experienced in doing exactly what was needed - and I was enjoying the feeling. Anyway this Friday evening my bf had got away early from work and thought he would surprise me by coming to meet me, it was dark and raining. He since told me that on the bus to my work he met one of my work colleagues who was on the bus and coming into night shift. She knew who he was and asked him what he was doing on this bus he answered going to meet me. Her reply was "oh you back on then" he says he said nothing and simply assumed she had gotten confused because he was not picking me up at that time. She and my bf made there way to the shop he went to a cash machine and she came in just as I was coming down the stairs inside the shop with Dave - she passed me and said she had seen my bf on the way to meet me - I left Dave's side and called her back and all she said was its ok don't worry - from that I thought she was pulling my leg. I could not see my bf outside through the windows so thought yeah she was joking. By then Dave had got to his car and so I ran in the rain head down and got into the car with him. Seemingly running right past my waiting bf. My bf witnessed this and said later that he ran after the car trying to catch my attention but with the dark and rain assumed we could not see him, to my eternal shame I have to say we both did see him but continued to drive on. He could not suspect anything untoward simply I had accepted a lift because of the rain could he? I knew that my bf was due to meet me at the bus stop as usual as far as he knew and Dave would usually pull into a pub car park close by and I would make sure I was there looking like I had been there earlier from the bus to meet my bf. But this night I knew he would be a bit of a time so Dave and me settled into our routine and got very steamed up. What we did not realise was that my boyfriend had understood that by my accepting a lift I would be at the bus stop earlier, much earlier than the bus, so he hopped in a cab. Now were we parked we could see the bus stop but of course we thought we had lots of time. We saw the bus after about 20 minutes in which time I had orgasmed and was well dripping with sweat and as high as a kite. Seeing the bus we sorted ourselves as much as we could and made our way over to the bus stop I and I got out of the car. Dave drove off and I watched the bus stop but no bf getting off. Then out of the shadows he appears BOO! - you know I was between scared and hysterical and then real worry set in - how long was he there did he see us in the pub car park just what was happening now. But he explained he got a cab because he thought we would get to the stop quickly and he did not want me hanging about in the rain. he asked what took us and I made up that we had to drop another person off which was not a great thing to say since I realised he had seen us get into the car. I did tell my bf that it was only the second time Dave had given me a lift and thought I had got out unscathed but my bf asked does he always kiss you when you get out of his car - I admitted that this was the first time and that he had tried to fondle me but I pushed him away. on the walk home my bf was quiet and thoughtful and when we got home genteelly probed a bit more so I did say that Dave was a bit of a womaniser and tried it on with all the girls. My bf then dropped a bomb - you know I was chatting to a girl on the bus, she had thought we had split, why do you suppose that?, why did you run back upstairs? does Dave give you lifts every night? we could ring Dave and ask him as well if you cannot tell me? My bf is not stupid and at this time I think he is playing a game with me talk about gamekeeper turned poacher- I really do not know what he knows - I spoke with Dave and he corroborated what I said to my bf but I do not think he believed it fully. I am getting a new job away from the store I worked My bf still wants to get married - I do too But there are real tensions inside of me and I know it sounds so selfish but what is remaining unsaid - sex with my bf I know it will not excite me like the experience with Dave and it will likely be the case that if it doesn't I will not want to do it that often and a sexless marriage ? I still am unaware of what my bf actually knows about Dave and me; he is to calm about the way he discusses it with little knowing digs, which result in my getting all huffy and confused. Should I fess up on everything get it out in the open so to speak and be in control of the information and facts? It could spell no to wedding or at the very least a long postponement. then there are times [this is going to damn me I know] when I have difficulty accepting full 100% responsibility for this there was in my eyes mitigation [my bf hardly ever smiles or laughs and there's the physical side] it is a worry that I can dismiss what has happened so easily. one friend said understand this - "you are an excited easily influence young girl in a desirable woman's body and you going to get hit on" in spite of all this I want to marry my bf - can I get through this? Sorry I missed this part that you actually did see your boyfriend who came to meet you and you intentionally left him standing in the rain while you drove off to bang O/M in his car. He stood in the rain waiting for you at the bus stop and watched you get out of O/M's car sweaty and smelling of sex and saw you kissing other man? You actually think you deserve to marry this man? I think you need to tell him the truth, let him decide if you are wife material. I don't think I have read anything quite as nasty as you just posted, you were seen by the guy you purport to love, he actually tried to chased down O/M's car but you didn't tell him to stop and still went and did the dirty deed with O/M in the backseat of his car while boyfriend is standing in the rain outside the car somewhere and see's you get out, kiss O/M than you hop on a bus with your boyfriend, lie to him and all the time your standing next to him you smell of sex? You than post that you really want to marry your boyfriend? What kind of woman are you? 2
oldshirt Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 You are now an "Alpha Widow" (look up that term if you are not familiar with it) your BF cannot does not satisfy you and this OM was able to get you off in a car. You can go through the motions of pretending to be with your BF but he is done. You will never be satisfied with him and even if this 'Dave' fades away, you will just be hooking up with some other guy(s) and sneaking around trying to keep your BF from finding out. do yourself and your BF a favor and just call it off and get back on the dating market and find a guy that is both a good person and someone that you are attracted to and sexually compatible with. IMHO you should not have been exclusive or even discussing marriage with your BF in the first place. You are too young and inexperienced to be discussing marriage. Now that you have tasted sexual attraction and orgasms you will not be satisfied with a safe and stable herbivore again. If you marry your BF out of duty and a yearning for security, you will always be on the hunt for guys that turn you on and you will be a serial adultress. read the writing on the wall and nix this engagement and let him go. 4
Mr. Lucky Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Do yourself and your BF a favor and just call it off and get back on the dating market and find a guy that is both a good person and someone that you are attracted to and sexually compatible with. Agreed. And at age 20, wait 5-10 years to do so. Human beings are smart and dumb in separate ways. We often instinctively discover the truth - BF doesn't satisfy you but issue isn't with you - and then go to great lengths to ignore it - I'll marry him anyway. I'll join the chorus of posters saying "don't"... Mr. Lucky 1
Bryanp Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 How would you feel if your boyfriend was humiliating, betraying and putting your health at risk for STD's behind your back? You owe your boyfriend the truth which is the least that you owe him. Give him the opportunity to decide what he wishes to do based on all of the facts. You do not treat a boyfriend the way you have treated him. You and your boyfriend need to get tested for STD's at once since this OM is a serial cheater. You have a lot of growing up to do. Do not marry your boyfriend. He deserves to find someone who truly loves and respect him which clearly by your actions have shown that you do not.
aliveagain Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 How are you going to explain the part that you actually saw him but still drove off and banged O/M anyway? I think your boyfriend already knows and your days are numbered. You need to do a lot of maturing before you play house for real. Changing jobs isn't going to fix who you are, honesty would be a good place to start. 1
oldshirt Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 To tell you the truth, I don't even care if you tell your BF about "Dave" or not, just let him go. Free yourself to multi date whoever you want and get some wisdom, experience and street sense under your belt so you know how the world works and know what you want and learn what is important to you. And free him so he is able to find a mature adult that can love, desire and appreciate him and who he can satisfy. Don't even consider engagement or marriage untill you are at least 25 and have an education and a self supporting career.
lostnadrift Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 You are basically just like my cheating ex. You're still Immatured and too young to get married. Sex sucks with your boyfriend? Why don't you both buy a book and work on it together instead of you cheating on him? Do him a favor and tell him the truth. he probably already knows deep down what is happening. Your denying will lead to even more elaborate lying and gaslighting and it will hurt his ability to trust others next time as well as well as turn you into a lying cheat. Might be too late already for you but not for him. 1
thummper Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 (edited) Please forgive the anger shown in this post, but I've got to say this: He knows, kbuzz, he knows. He saw you and he's no dummy, just like you said. If he marries you, knowing damn well what you've been up to and what you're capable of doing, then he's the world's biggest idiot. Dave's just using you. How do you think he got so "experienced?" You've destroyed a possible very happy future with a guy who really and truly loves you, and for what? For a few orgasms. You DO NOT deserve this man. Hell, you've already cheated on him and you're not even married yet. So much for a committed relationship. I doubt that marriage vows will mean anything to you, either. I predict that cheating will be a pattern for you. You don't get what you feel you want or need, you'll turn to other men (notice the plural form,) Do something kind for your bf. End it with him and give the poor guy a chance to find a woman, a real, loyal woman, who will love him and give herself to him alone . Edited December 13, 2014 by thummper
aliveagain Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I predict a polygraph test in your future. How do you think O/M got his experience, banged a lot of woman is my guess. Guess what your chances of getting an STD is with a player like him, really fu*ken high. Hope you haven't already passed it on to your boyfriend, he's innocent, his only fault was falling in love with you. 1
DbleBetrayal Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Why the desperation to get married so bad? You know full well he is not for you, you complain about his personality and you hate your sex life with him. WTF?? What is wrong with you. It just doesn't make sense at all. The saddest thing I ever read- the fact you watched your boyfriend waiting for you in the rain, trying to get your attention is just too cruel for words. You didn't even feel bad at all seeing this and just screwed the other guy straight away, whose probably STD infested. How could you do that? Why do you want to marry him so bad knowing you don't care enough for him that you'd treat him like garbage the way you do? You say he doesn't satisfy you as well? WTF. No. And you're only 20, I really don't understand any of this. It sounds so stupid.
thummper Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I have a sinking feeling that this poster is a one in and then out. Probably didn't get the response she was hoping for. I feel so bad for her bf. I just hope this poor guy she's been stringing along can get past this despicable betrayal and find someone a lot more suitable to take as a wife. I can't imagine it'll be very hard to find a better one than this one.
Mal78 Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Although I read though your very descriptive (and well written) infidelity I couldn't help but rout for the antagonist (you) in this situation/story. You were fair in the description of your SO. You never painted him as a monster and for me summed him up in one word, "safe". Safe can be great if there is more than that one dynamic of a person. If his best quality for you is "safe" I would run. It also sounds like he has "a lot" idiosyncrasies that I don't know if long term you will be able to tolerate (since you mentioned them and quoted it as weird). Who doesn't have a cell phone?!? (Oh, wait my husband up until a year ago when it became a job requirement and we have 5 kids!!) It also seems safe because he has great control over his life in many aspect. I mean, perhaps "controlling" these aspects and it *must* be that way! No leeway whatsoever. For some women there is much comfort in that. You, my darling are young and clearly inexperienced. You need to experience more of life before you settle down. You will thank yourself tremendously for it in the future! You should tell your SO that. If you don't plan on being with him the details won't matter so he could decide weither or not he wants to be with you. That, to me is unnecessary hurt. He could possibly be hurt enough with the break-up (or not, your description of his emotional expression sounds quite stale). As for the OM, married with two kids. Kill that relationship. He has nothing real to offer you other than rides and orgasms, both you can do for yourself. You are young. Go live life un-attached. Don't regret settling!
happyman64 Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Tell your BF the truth then cut him loose. You may want to marry him but you do not love him. Cut Dave loose. He is married and offers you no future. Then go have fun, experiment and find a guy who loves you, turns you on and would never tolerate cheating. That guy will be the keeper. HM
Anderlie Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Everything about this post screams 19 year old. The only difference is you're playing in a league for older people and you don't have the right equipment yet. You're too young to be married even if everything with your partner was peachy. Break up with this guy, stop screwing around with married men and go out and date around to your heart's content. Trust me, it'll be fun and awful and open your eyes to a whole world you've never seen - and it'll make you ready to settle and be a good partner.
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