SethDamien Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 let me just pour out everything im feeling.. im 23 and from the Philippines and im still madly in love with her... after being 4 years together, we broke up 10 months ago... why cant i shake it off? she wanted to be friends so we did, i became the best of her friend, but i could no longer have the sex and intimacy we had... we live together and work together mind you... i cant move on and i keep making the same mistake trying to pull her more towards me, i beg and kneel, I even constantly send unexpected presents to her and treat her out to dinner many times. but somehow, i thought our friendship would pay off, that she would see me worthy again to be her BF. but just 2 months ago, she met this guy at work... i did the biggest mistake by confronting him... i told him i was still in love with her, and respectfully requested him to slow down through text... but when my ex knew of the confrontation, she blasted all kinds of insults and offensive words to me. she would say i was pathetic, and weak, and a loser... that i would be miserable my entire life... that the guy she was seeing was way better than me in many ways... i would just stay silently and cry and grovel saying "i love you" then her temper rises even more saying, "i hate you!, you're the worst person i have ever known", "you're an idiot, stupid, moron" i know the people in these forums have told many times already saying useful tips on how to move on, and how to implement NC even though we live and work together... im really desperate for help, im dying everytime she's not home because she's seeing this guy... it kills me i cannot sleep, i cannot seek medical help, i can't depend much on my family and friends... Im starting to feel im really a moron... one time when we were alone together, i tried to hug her, and tried to kiss her, i thought she would give in, but she pushed me...... i was crying then, and i was beginning to feel lonely, i missed our intimacy... i realized my mistake that she could have actually sued me for what ive done.... im feeling like the worst person ever... im broken from the inside because of what i done, and constantly being guilty for my action im broken everytime she's not home because she's with this guy im broken at work because i see her beauty, and cant move on even more, and i always see the guy she's seeing.., makes me wanna puke im broken everytime she tells me she doesnt feel anything for me anymore,... im broken because im lonely, i have no outlet for my pain... i cant move on.... i really really want to! i want to find someone prettier than her, someone as smart as her, and someone who likes the what i like.. i think that would be the best thing for me to move on,... im really desperate guys... 10 months, i cant bear the pain anymore, im far from dying from suicide, but i think i'll die first from anxiety and hypertension and fatigue...
Perrier Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Wow this is hard to read. Why do you still live together if you're not together?
Author SethDamien Posted December 13, 2014 Author Posted December 13, 2014 Im tired.. very tired... just this christmas, i decided to treat her and her siblings to a mountain retreat just to feel the holidays and unwind... i dont know why, maybe because i was still hoping to bring her back.... i know this is bad, but i already made the plans!... i thought we could revive the emotions... even though she told me they were just close friends with this guy, i find it hard to swallow... last night, they went out.. i couldnt sleep until she was home... she arrived 3 in the morning... i couldnt get it off my chest!!! i wanted to cancel the plans i made, but i know she wouldnt care if i cancelled it... she doesnt care about me, she wont get hurt if i try to... i wanna scream to the top of my lungs... im just starting out at adulthood, starting my plans for life... now, i feel im failing and probably will end up miserable!! while my ungrateful inconsiderate officemate reaps of his "conquest" of my ex!!! i cant bear to imagine he will father my ex's child.. i cant imagine them having sex, or even kissing!!!! even though they havent done it yet, the idea is killing me.... i want to find someone, someone who will fill my needs... someone who will make my officemate and ex jealous!!! is this healthy? i want to start loving someone else again so i can finally be happy with my life,,, i know the mrs right can wait, but with the pain im feeling now, it seems the only thing on my mind (aside from trying to bring my ex back)
Author SethDamien Posted December 13, 2014 Author Posted December 13, 2014 Wow this is hard to read. Why do you still live together if you're not together? im sorry, is it the grammar? sorry not my native tongue:o... finding a new house isnt exactly practical here... we do what we can to get by.. we live in a decent home, but she IS planning to move when the conditions are right... we lived together when she was still my GF... she moved in about 2 years ago... when we broke up, moving just wasnt a luxury she cant afford so she stayed even when we're no longer together... we dont sleep in the same room anymore anyway...
skydiveaddict Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 we live together and work together mind you... . You need to get out of there or you really will go crazy. 2
Light Breeze Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Get away man, get away from her, get away from your place. Just go away before you do something you'll regret for the rest of your life. Go away before your own health gets compromised. I feel the pain and desperation from your words and its not good. Make an effort to talk to your friends and family. But for now just please go away until you can think clearly. 2
Light Breeze Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 im sorry, is it the grammar? sorry not my native tongue:o... finding a new house isnt exactly practical here... we do what we can to get by.. we live in a decent home, but she IS planning to move when the conditions are right... we lived together when she was still my GF... she moved in about 2 years ago... when we broke up, moving just wasnt a luxury she cant afford so she stayed even when we're no longer together... we dont sleep in the same room anymore anyway... Under whose name is the lease? If its under yours just kick her out. It sounds heartless, but reading your words, I feel your health and both your safety are at risk. You are not thinking clearly and the near incident that might have gotten you sued might arise again. 1
Author SethDamien Posted December 13, 2014 Author Posted December 13, 2014 keep the suggestions guys. feeling really better. though im just curious, is NC really applicable to everybody? every gender, every race, every culture? i know its a stupid question, we're all human. But is NC a guarantee for everyone to be able to be happier and successful in terms of love live? 10 months after and i never thought of NC.. she would just say we're still friends, and she's happy being my friend... I KNOW... its toxic... im the only one suffering from this friendship...
Author SethDamien Posted December 13, 2014 Author Posted December 13, 2014 Under whose name is the lease? If its under yours just kick her out. It sounds heartless, but reading your words, I feel your health and both your safety are at risk. You are not thinking clearly and the near incident that might have gotten you sued might arise again. our house has a party wall that separates two living spaces, so she is legally renting my house in the other side... but before, it was convenient for us to sleep in the same room for intimacy purposes... now she just keeps to her side, and me to mine... thank you for being able to see through me! i know people could understand my situation and it makes me happier... she'd say "I CANT WAIT TO LEAVE THIS PLACE" "i cant wait to go away so i wont be able to hear you or see your face anymore!"... but because of financial restraints, she cant move out, so i cant kick her out because she has a "tenancy title", even though the entire house is mine...though she is planning to leave after 5 months...
Satu Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 If there's any way you can get out of that situation and start NC, do so. It sounds like you're living in a state of torment. Nobody is worth that. 1
Author SethDamien Posted December 14, 2014 Author Posted December 14, 2014 (edited) Thanks... how do i force myself to implement NC? its really hard since were living together! she has planned to move out after a couple of months... a couple of months is too long for me to handle seeing her dating this guy and ignoring me more and im also planning to leave work... im just thinking... if i cant leave her emotionally/mentally, then i hope physical barriers will finally force me to move on. i just cant wait for that time... Edited December 14, 2014 by SethDamien
Author SethDamien Posted December 15, 2014 Author Posted December 15, 2014 If there's any way you can get out of that situation and start NC, do so. It sounds like you're living in a state of torment. Nobody is worth that. you're right,. im actually on my way to leaving my work... and she's planning to move out in a few months time... soon. im just looking for someone who can deal with me in these times, someone who will listen to my qualms. is this called rebound? i really do think i can start dating again... i think
Recommended Posts