BrokenUpAndShaken Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Hey guys, I just need advice and maybe some things that I can do so these things could stop between me and my girlfriend. It has been around a month when we broke up, and I'm still here trying to fight the good fight of our relationship. Although it's somehow one-sided because I'm the only one fighting. She told me she wanted us to be friends, but that doesn't change the way she feels for me. Somehow I wanna believe her, but one thing that is contradicting what she says, is that she seems to find more happiness with her friends than me. We don't study in the same school and we're actually far from each other. An hour and a half. And here's the thing, she told me that the devotion and time she gives to her friends is much easier to do than the devotion and the time she's giving me. I told her that I really don't require that much from her as long as she loves me and she's doing what she's supposed to do, I'm okay with it. And also with this, she's going to be having her prom in a few months, and so am I. Here's the catch though, outsiders aren't allowed in her school, (since they're already co-ed) but outsiders are allowed for mine. (I study in an exclusive for boys school). We promised it waaaaay before, that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, she'll be taking our bestfriend for prom, because somehow he'll be a proxy for me. But I just found out around 2-3 weeks ago, that some guy asked her to prom, it was grand and semipublic. And she said yes to the guy. And when I asked her why she broke her promise, she told me that "We already broke up, I thought you wouldn't care anymore. Plus I didn't want to hurt the guy's feelings." In my mind, I thought, "why would I still be here if I didn't care? And she chose to hurt my feelings more than to say no to the guy in a friendly way?" this is what hurts. And it's also not just that. We've been together for more than a year and a half. She just lost her hope and she told me she can't do these particular things, but she hasn't even tried yet! I already kept my distance trying to give her space and just dropping a message to her every now and then, saying things about us, and that how I wish she didn't give up, and that I didn't love her well enough for us to just turn out like this. Guys, I seriously need help. She's my first girlfriend, and I just don't wanna lose her like this. We're better than that, I know so. And somehow I also feel that she's already in liking of someone else in her school, but I don't wanna believe that just yet. She keeps on telling me she wants to be friends, but that won't change the feelings he has for me. But what's bugging me the most is why she says that, but her actions don't really show or manifest it. And whenever I wanna try and talk to her about our problems, she just seemingly runs away from it and tells her friends "I don't wanna talk to him right now." I mean, isn't that somehow kind of being unfair? I don't know guys. I need help, and I can't take this feeling anymore, there's so much to discover but only few time to do it. Please help guys. Thank you so much.
deathandtaxes Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 You already lost her. So there's that. Now it's up to you what to do with yourself. She doesn't want anything from you. But you want a relationship. This will never work. Go find the no contact guide and follow it. It will suck at first. But it will start you on the road to healing and get your head out of this mess.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Let me slip the knife the rest of the way in for you.. The only one she's trying not to hurt is you...the only one who hasn't realized this is over is you, you've already lost her, you just don't realize it yet because you haven't accepted or given up and let it go...but she's gone and there's nothing you can do about it. She's avoiding these conversations with you because the truth is that she doesn't want to work on the relationship because there is no relationship, there's nothing to talk about...when women decide they are over they are usually over (and emotionally she doesn't seem in any way attached romantically) and therefore she's already checked out. She said yes to another guy and went against your "promise", if she felt strongly about getting back together chances are she would have never even thought about saying yes...she is merely making excuses to you because she doesn't want to confront you on all these things and tell you the truth about the way she feels. You've basically been demoted from boyfriend to friendzone...that means she'll string you along in this grey area, she'll say she really cares about you and whatever else just to keep you in the shadows, but eventually and especially after she meets another guy, she'll cut you off and she will essentially just hope you take the hint by then. Women typically like to to things in stages instead of cold turkey during break-ups. This is their way of slowly detaching from you, but once they initiate that final stage..it's over, and the less emotion there is, the easier it is for them to do. So you need to realize she made this decision a long time ago, what you're fighting for right now is merely out of desperation and blind hope, but the more desperate you act and the more eager you are to "win" her back...the more she just will look away from you and down on you, she will lose that respect for you as a man as well as any kind of lover. It's game-over, all these things you think that matter and are factors are irrelevant. You need to let go for yourself and move on, that's the answer you don't want to hear but it's the only way you'll move on again. 1
Author BrokenUpAndShaken Posted December 13, 2014 Author Posted December 13, 2014 Hey, deathandtaxes. Although yes I did lose her, but she keeps on saying that she loves me and that she just wants to be friends. And I already did that before even if we were together. I didn't speak to her for almost 4 months. And even if I did, it would just be single-statement messages but that's it. Look man, I'm not like some people here who would just give up and just be "oh I'm okay with this" I'm not that kind of guy, no. So if your comment and suggestion will be somehow negative, just keep it to yourself next time please. Because I'm not giving up, bro. We guys, if we know that what we're fighting for is right, we do it.
deathandtaxes Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I'm not being negative. I'm just a bit wiser than you. And so is Ninjainpajamas.
Author BrokenUpAndShaken Posted December 13, 2014 Author Posted December 13, 2014 I'm not being negative. I'm just a bit wiser than you. And so is Ninjainpajamas. Yeah well, I forgot to mention I'm just 15. And yeah. Life's a bitch ain't it?
deathandtaxes Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Yeah well, I forgot to mention I'm just 15. And yeah. Life's a bitch ain't it? That's what these first relationships are for. They're excellent learning opportunities. You know enough to come here. So why not read and absorb? She's not your girlfriend. There is no relationship. DO NOT BE FRIENDS WITH HER IF YOU WANT TO DATE HER. Being her friend now will just add to the agony 1
d0nnivain Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 She is a nice person who does not want to be the course of your pain. That is why she is saying she loves you. She does not mean that she wants to date you or be romantic with you. She's going to the prom with the other guy. Learn this lesson now. It's very important. When people break up with you & say they "want to be friends" they are LYING to you. They don't really mean it. It's just something to say. 1
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