writergal Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I didn't have a phone with a touchscreen until almost a year ago, so while it was capable of texting, it would have just taken way too long to get even one sentence down. When I'd make new friends or have a guy seem potentially interested, and the topic of numbers would come up, they'd ask me for my number so they "could text" me. I'd explain that I didn't have texting on my phone (and even show it to them, to show it was an oldschool cell phone and that I wasn't awkwardly turning them down). In the vast majority of cases they would either never call, or they would actually do some version of, "Oh, okay nevermind," and not even want my number anymore! I finally got a new phone just because not texting was actually crippling my social life, apparently. Sorry to hear that. It's unfortunate that people are so shallow, and would judge you because you did not have a text plan on your phone. I have actually decided not to give guys my cell phone number but my landline phone number from now on for that very reason and tell them. I realized that will weed out a lot of guys but at this point I'm so fed up with texting and emailing as the main forms of communication when you date someone that I don't care anymore. I want to find a guy who will call me on the f****** phone and want to talk to me face to face instead of spend hours texting me.
Author accident_prone Posted December 14, 2014 Author Posted December 14, 2014 Your initial response was actually good. It is ok to tease a woman that you are dating and you did not owe her any apology or explanation and you definitely don't owe her any flowers. You ruined your teasing by explaining it. And sending the video just comes across as a little try hard. She has Christmas parties to attend and you have nothing better to do than send her video links and then dwell on your text conversation with her. Frankly, I find it curious that she is at a Christmas party and she didn't invite you as her date. My advice is to ignore this texting exchange with her and in a few days just proceed with making plans for your next date. Also, stop over thinking and over analyzing every little interaction that you have with the opposite sex. i definitely need to stop over thinking. i just rarely put a lot of effort into relationships so when i do i have (sometimes unrealistic) expectations. also, i wasn't invited to the party cause it was a ladies ornament decorating event and F that. but thanks for everyone's input.
Diezel Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Appearance is very important to women, she wanted the oP to say she looked awesome, but he chose to put her down. I am sure it was not deliberate here but the result is that she is now feeling bad about herself (she is not cute, she is just alright or maybe even not alright) and she is now feeling bad about him too. There is a time and a place for "jokes", personal put downs are not "jokes", they hurt. I'm sorry, where was the put down? He didn't say "Oh you look terrible." He didn't say anything even remotely negative. Her response was that of a 3 year old when they don't get their way. She simply reacted the way she did because she was expecting him to fall in line and immediately gushed at how "awesome" she looked. Please. Let's try approaching this objectively. I've heard men "neg" women FAR worse. By the way, what he did was NOT a neg, either. That term gets overused SO much. If all it takes is just that ONE sentence to get her to act like a 3 year old and turn her off from the entire relationship, then he is WAY better off without her.
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 so of course she just texted me while i'm work and didn't mention it at all and just said "thanks for the have a nice night text." And how hungover she is. she keeps reaching out every couple days lately and doesn't seem totally disinterested but at the same time doesn't seem wildly interested. so again i have no clue and this is why i don't date seriously very often. haha. i still think I'm going to just hang back and not initiate conversation for a bit. I think people in this thread are being way too harsh on you. I also thought your response of 'you look alright, I guess ' was perfect. She was clearly desperate for validation, and you set yourself apart from the many men who'd have been straight in there fawning over how ridiculously amazing she looked. I'd personally as a woman be more attracted to the guy confident enough to tease me a little, especially after such a blatant display of attention seeking. And it wasn't a nasty or cruel thing to say at all. Ignore her crappy texts 'thanks for the goodnight text last night' she's just bored and playing around with you. You should have replied 'thank you for the thank you for the goodnight text last night' or something ridiculous. Unless she starts regular contact again, with proper discussions, asking when she gets to see you again or dropping strong hints to ask her out, just leave it, hang back like you're doing. She's not interested any more and it doesn't mean you did something wrong at all, just that dynamics change almost weekly when dating someone, it happens to everyone. One minute it's great, the next one person loses interest, perhaps someone new comes on the scene for one party to be more interested in, perhaps things get crazy with life and they don't have the time to date anymore (such as a family bereavement or whatever). Move on to the next girl. It's not hard to tell when someone likes you in dating, you won't even have to ask. You'll be seeing them, regularly, having a great time, and both be keen to lock down exclusivity pretty quickly in case someone else comes along and snaps them up instead. Keep trying!
bathtub-row Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I agree that sarcasm doesn't come across well when written. The written word, in general, is very cold and has to be dressed up properly to get your point across correctly. If you're making a joke, you need to be clear about that. I doubt that you're that interested in this girl if you're only seeing her once a week. That's probably what she's thinking, too, which would explain the behavior that you perceive as being hot and cold. 1
veggirl Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 (edited) drama queen. the indicates JOKING. she's just being a drama queen. don't send her flowers. you can apologize for coming across wrong but that's it. don't reward immature behavior with FLOWERS. fishing for compliments is so obnoxious. Edited December 14, 2014 by veggirl 1
Author accident_prone Posted December 14, 2014 Author Posted December 14, 2014 I agree that sarcasm doesn't come across well when written. The written word, in general, is very cold and has to be dressed up properly to get your point across correctly. If you're making a joke, you need to be clear about that. I doubt that you're that interested in this girl if you're only seeing her once a week. That's probably what she's thinking, too, which would explain the behavior that you perceive as being hot and cold. bathtub, you are right about the nature of the written word and i am a fan of its cold nature. I'm not the one to seem idiotic via text. aside from that, i actually am into this girl and before the holiday season (we are both part of the retail world) we were seeing each other a bit more than once a week and she knows that she could just as easily let me know if she wanted more. if we didn't have such a great time together i wouldn't keep bothering. but at this point i am just hanging back and letting her initiate the majority of the conversation. i have shown my interest and lead this thing this far but with some reciprocation i won't put in tons of effort in between. thanks to all
preraph Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Her asking for flattery is kind of pathetic. Well, I take that back. If she asks for it that one time and never again, then yes, it was a joke, but it would tire me out to have to be constantly reassuring someone if it turns into that. Don't apologize. Just be yourself when it comes to complimenting her and don't set a precedent for saying things you don't mean on a regular basis. And honestly, is texting any time you can be genuine about flattering someone? Does anyone really want to get into a requirement of responding to flattery fishing via text? Isn't flattery best left to the person giving the compliment rather than the recipient? It's not polite to ask for flattery, because it puts the person in a position where they can't win if they don't think you look particularly fetching at that moment OR if they don't care if you look particular fetching at that moment because you're not with them and are busy doing something else. It's either lie or be in the doghouse. The time for flattering someone is when they walk in the room and look fabulous or when you're cuddled up on the couch and you notice how radiant her skin is or when you enjoyed their pasta primavera or the throw pillows on their couch. My response likely would have been "Fishing much?" or "Yeah, but what good is it doing me since I'm not there?"
BlueIris Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 I think it boils down to whether you want to make her feel good nor not. I date men that I feel good around and when I like a man, I love to make him feel good. I guess if you joke that way, that’s fine. She might not be the girl for you. Also, she might not be upset. She might just think, “eh, why bother?” Another note- I cringed twice on your first post. In my opinion, “Wonderful Tonight” is an incredibly depressing song. He’s awed by this woman who takes care of his pathetic, drunk, sorry ass. Ick. Clapton turned loser on Slowhand, imho.
todreaminblue Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 she wanted to be told she looks awesome and you didnt say that.....i dont think its fair really her being mad at you for your joke.......and when she calms down a bit she will probably text you seeing you tried to turn the joke around......she obviously wasnt in a teasing mood.....in my mind she should have said something cute back...butshe didnt.....good luck....deb
mariekatie Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Forget flowers. Am I the only one who groaned when I read "Go look on Facebook and see how cute I look"? Seriously? She was fishing. The worst thing you could have done was try to explain yourself after. She's obviously fishing. I rolled my eyes when i saw that. It obvious she wanted people's attention, not only yours. What i would had done is send the pictures directly to you instead of asking you to go to my facebook. It obviously shows we ain't all that close despite dating for weeks.
Author accident_prone Posted December 15, 2014 Author Posted December 15, 2014 mariekatie, you're right. she was fishing. and she's not blatantly "that type" so i don't really mind it on occasion. to address your other point, i would certainly to be closer with her but idk. it feels like it's moving pretty slow in that regard so I'm just doing my part in setting dates and having a good time when we can. don't know much else to do.
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 mariekatie, you're right. she was fishing. and she's not blatantly "that type" so i don't really mind it on occasion. to address your other point, i would certainly to be closer with her but idk. it feels like it's moving pretty slow in that regard so I'm just doing my part in setting dates and having a good time when we can. don't know much else to do. Keep or start dating other women. Get yourself out there. Ironically, the less you focus on her, the more her interest will be stoked... however, that's not a guarantee, nor is it the reason behind dating others. You should be dating others because she hasn't given you a good enough reason right now to be exclusive with her, she doesn't value you or your company enough so you shouldn't waste time hanging around when you could be busy scheduling dates with the hundred other compatible women in your immediate vicinity. 1
xUnknown Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Don't respond to her text about "thanks for the good night text". Her text doesn't warrant a response. Wait for her to reach out to you again. In the mean time, just do your own thing.
Author accident_prone Posted December 16, 2014 Author Posted December 16, 2014 agreed with you both. i have just hung back the past couple days and let her initiate contact and we have had a few small conversations. we are going to hangout later this week i think. so I'm curious, after all this seemingly hot n cold behavior and mixed signals, would it be effective to call her on it or no?
deathandtaxes Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Don't call her on it. Just let it go. It's nothing worth remembering.
Donnie Darko Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 What would you possibly have to gain by calling her on it? Just act like it never happened and move forward. If you are not in an exclusive relationship with her, then you should definitely be busy dating other women and going out with friends. Don't pretend to be busy. Be busy by being busy. Go the gym, hang out with friends, take other girls on dates and find fun and interesting things to do. When you are busy living your life you won't have the time to over analyze this type of BS.
Diezel Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 agreed with you both. i have just hung back the past couple days and let her initiate contact and we have had a few small conversations. we are going to hangout later this week i think. so I'm curious, after all this seemingly hot n cold behavior and mixed signals, would it be effective to call her on it or no? Call her on what? Dude, you are in the early stages. Observe and file away. That's all you do for now.
bathtub-row Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 bathtub, you are right about the nature of the written word and i am a fan of its cold nature. I'm not the one to seem idiotic via text. aside from that, i actually am into this girl and before the holiday season (we are both part of the retail world) we were seeing each other a bit more than once a week and she knows that she could just as easily let me know if she wanted more. if we didn't have such a great time together i wouldn't keep bothering. but at this point i am just hanging back and letting her initiate the majority of the conversation. i have shown my interest and lead this thing this far but with some reciprocation i won't put in tons of effort in between. thanks to all Bad idea. Most women aren't going to do something that might be perceived as chasing the guy early into a relationship. If you really like her, then hanging back is the last thing you should be doing. 1
Author accident_prone Posted December 16, 2014 Author Posted December 16, 2014 makes sense but at the same time, how much more can i do if she seems to be fading out. she'll initiate conversation (sunday for example) and say hello, small talk, and then i ask her when she's free and she'll tell me and i pick a day that works for me and then the conversation just kinda dies without me getting a definite yes to make plans. its pretty annoying, these things. thats what i mean by hanging back. i wont keep asking her and chasing. she knows im interested in getting together and she knows when i'm free but i'm not going to just wait around for her to tell me the day of that she can/cant do it. thats flaky/wishy washy behavior that i literally dont have time for.
Diezel Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 If you don't have time for it, find another girl. Problem solved.
bathtub-row Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 makes sense but at the same time, how much more can i do if she seems to be fading out. she'll initiate conversation (sunday for example) and say hello, small talk, and then i ask her when she's free and she'll tell me and i pick a day that works for me and then the conversation just kinda dies without me getting a definite yes to make plans. its pretty annoying, these things. thats what i mean by hanging back. i wont keep asking her and chasing. she knows im interested in getting together and she knows when i'm free but i'm not going to just wait around for her to tell me the day of that she can/cant do it. thats flaky/wishy washy behavior that i literally dont have time for. Oh, in that case, if she's acting like that then I understand why you're talking about hanging back. Personally, I'd just walk away from that type of thing. It sounds like she either plays games or doesn't know what she wants. If you're that interested, then wait a week or so. If you ask her out and she plays the wishy-washy game again, say hasta la vista, baby.
Recommended Posts