longjourney Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Some people have asked if I am ok, I am thankful that you take the time out in your days to ask about me, I had replied in another thread, but just so that it didn't get lost in the shuffle. Thanks again to all of you who have reached out. I am not doing well. My physical health has not changed, but my mental and emotional well being are in the dumps. I have not done much of anything. Thanks to my sister for trying to pull off Christmas for my kids as well as hers. I just don't have it in me. See this is why my WH was with me so long after DDay, he knew I would crumble. I don't tell him that thou. When he comes to get the kids, it is just that, for the kids. I don't even see him, more so, I don't really want him to see me. I never felt pretty enough as I have said, and now knowing he is with OW everyday, complete opposite of me, his dream girl, I don't even want to think of how relieved he must feel. We are getting the D proceedings going. I sit here and read on LS every day, don't feel like posting much. I feel I can only be myself here because you have all been where I sit now.
whichwayisup Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I am giving you a warm and comforting bear hug because you need one. You're going through a tough and painful time. A lot of adjustments and changes that you've had to face without your doing. All this is on your ex! What a piece of shi.t he is. Hope he gets that in his stocking. You're so strong and brave for your kids - I'm glad you have your sister close by to help and support you. PM me anytime if you need to talk. 3
Realist3 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I have never done this before, but if you PM me I will give you my phone number. 1
road Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 A E-hug for you and your sister. You are worth more then you currently think. 1
anna121 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I am so sorry. I've read most of your threads and I know you are heartbroken. This is the worst time for you. We all know that. It's hard to believe, but it will not feel like this forever. 5
whichwayisup Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 i feel responsible. in part How do you feel responsible for longjourney's situation and her sadness?
Mr. Lucky Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 It's hard to believe, but it will not feel like this forever. Wish we could somehow get you to believe this. There's a life after infidelity, but the Catch 22 is you must have faith it exists before you can live it. Many here who were once where you're at are posting from a much better place. Wishing you success in getting there... Mr. Lucky 4
whichwayisup Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I am so sorry. I've read most of your threads and I know you are heartbroken. This is the worst time for you. We all know that. It's hard to believe, but it will not feel like this forever. Believe this. As time goes on and you continue doing counseling, have that love from your kids, support (and more love) from your sister and other caring friends in your life - And all of us here - You will feel better. Sadly it just may take a while to get there but you will get there.
goodyblue Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 My heart goes out to you sweetheart. You are stronger than you think. Chin up.
Realist3 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 How do you feel responsible for longjourney's situation and her sadness? pm 10 characters
scatterd Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I know how you feel. Mine that asked for the bid D is here in the house trying to cause misery to the kids and all. I have medical problems ans I am sure its out to make ma feel worse. I did nothing to him that I know for him to do this flip either. Honestly You are lucky he is not there to flaunt and pick on you. Let the jerk go you deserve so much better. I know it hurts I feel it with you. Hang is there and big hugs. 1
violet1 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 LJ, I'm so so sorry for your pain. No! No! No! You are not going to crumble. You will be okay. This emotional pain you're currently feeling is temporary. I know that's hard to believe, but I promise it is. There's something I need to share with you. As you already know, I'm a FWW. When I broke NC after my D Day, I read this forum nonstop. I felt so horrible. I read through a few of your posts several times and I could literally feel your pain and I too, felt so much anger towards your STBX. I couldn't help but think of him as such a selfish A hole. Your posts literally made me break down in tears. At that moment I realized how much pain my actions caused my BH and how I also had become a complete selfish A hole. You sharing your story and bearing your soul here helped me wake up LJ. I'm so grateful to you for that. You are an inspiration to many of us here. With your illness and everything you've been through you have still chosen to be a mother to your STBX's child. Not all women no matter the circumstance are willing to take a step child on as their own. That takes an incredibly strong woman. You haven't used your children as pawns. You have handled this with such grace and dignity. See, I don't even know you and I can tell you are stronger than you think. Please LJ, I'm begging you to get up take a shower and take care of you. Kiss your children, drink eggnog, listen to Christmas music, take your kiddos on a drive to see Christmas lights. Enjoy what you have. Your STBX did and does not define you. The only good thing he gave you were your children. You can do this LJ. I'm rooting for you! 3
violet1 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 i feel responsible. in part Responsible? No. Insensitive? Yes. I remember your comment rubbing in her face how the OW is her STBX's dream girl. Or how you indirectly mentioned her situation in a different thread of yours. You are so cruel to the BS's here. You used to be one of my favorite posters, but unless your responses are short, I just skim right over you now. You, your MW, the OP's WXH and his OW are all the same. Broken and heartless, too selfish to care about the pain you inflict on others. 3
Realist3 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Responsible? No. Insensitive? Yes. I remember your comment rubbing in her face how the OW is her STBX's dream girl. Or how you indirectly mentioned her situation in a different thread of yours. You are so cruel to the BS's here. You used to be one of my favorite posters, but unless your responses are short, I just skim right over you now. You, your MW, the OP's WXH and his OW are all the same. Broken and heartless, too selfish to care about the pain you inflict on others. I wasn't trying to mean to her at all. That was never my intent at all to her or any other BS on this board. Blunt/direct? Yes, I can be that way. Perhaps that comes across as being mean/insensitive, and that is unfortunate. In this particular instance it was staring her in the face, and nobody wanted to say it, but I know many people saw it. I said it , and she decided to do what she did.
Minnie09 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I wasn't trying to mean to her at all. That was never my intent at all to her or any other BS on this board. Blunt/direct? Yes, I can be that way. Perhaps that comes across as being mean/insensitive, and that is unfortunate. In this particular instance it was staring her in the face, and nobody wanted to say it, but I know many people saw it. I said it , and she decided to do what she did. Exactly. The fact that OP decided to proactively talk to her H and stand her ground, asking him to leave and following through with it, was good for her sanity, not bad. It gave her more power, power that she was lacking in the M. I think he will respect her more now than he ever has. Sure it's not a walk in the park to end a marriage, and it's especially hard for the betrayed spouse who is left without a partner and never wanted things to turn out the way they did, BUT I remember posting in her other thread, because I was so shocked to read that in the OP's opinion, her H only ended up with her because the OW had rejected him multiple times. That's not a marriage, that's living a lie. And OP decided she didn't want that anymore. More power to her! She made a first step in the right direction, and she will be proud of herself and happy one day. By posting in her previous thread, I also encouraged her to take her fate in her own hands. Because I felt her pain, and I was asking myself: what would I do? And I have been through a similar situation, ending a marriage because it felt like I was "living the lie" ....... best decision I ever made. And trust me, I didn't have much support. And I made it. She will, too. 1
violet1 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I wasn't trying to mean to her at all. That was never my intent at all to her or any other BS on this board. Blunt/direct? Yes, I can be that way. Perhaps that comes across as being mean/insensitive, and that is unfortunate. In this particular instance it was staring her in the face, and nobody wanted to say it, but I know many people saw it. I said it , and she decided to do what she did. We've all encouraged her to leave, but smearing in her face that the OW is his dream girl is insensitive. Especially when she has stated that it's destroyed her self-esteem. Writing threads that encourage people to break their vows if they meet their soulmate is also cruel. Hello? How can you not see that? This is an infidelity forum for crying out loud. Lots of BS's here are in pain. Why don't you take some of your own advice and leave your marriage for your dream girl? It's obvious you don't have a problem with cheating and that's fine. When I was cheating I rarely posted on a BS's thread out of respect on not wanting to make a person trigger. When I did, I rightfully got a few cyber smacks. Of course an active OW would agree that you are not insensitive. I'm done conversing with you. The amount of cruelty to the BS's from your posts is unreal.
Moanin Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Why don't you try getting out of the house a little more? Join some local support groups for separated/divorced parents. Also, you've mentioned a health issue. Look into a local support group for that as well. Make sure that you are taking full advantage of all that's available to help you ease symptoms and cope with day-to-day challenges brought on by your chronic illness. Whatever the illness is, don't let it define who you are. On-line support is great, but you need to surround yourself with friends. The support groups will help you meet people who are going through the same struggles you are.
Realist3 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 (edited) We've all encouraged her to leave, but smearing in her face that the OW is his dream girl is insensitive. Especially when she has stated that it's destroyed her self-esteem. Writing threads that encourage people to break their vows if they meet their soulmate is also cruel. Hello? How can you not see that? This is an infidelity forum for crying out loud. Lots of BS's here are in pain. Why don't you take some of your own advice and leave your marriage for your dream girl? It's obvious you don't have a problem with cheating and that's fine. When I was cheating I rarely posted on a BS's thread out of respect on not wanting to make a person trigger. When I did, I rightfully got a few cyber smacks. Of course an active OW would agree that you are not insensitive. I'm done conversing with you. The amount of cruelty to the BS's from your posts is unreal. You all did encourage her to leave, but guess what? Whose words struck home? Harsh? Yes. True? Yes. There comes a point where you can't coddle someone into accepting reality. Perhaps it is unfortunate that I expose the Pollyanna-ish view that some BS's want to wrap themselves with. I'm not here to hurt anyone. I'm giving a different perspective. If that triggers an individual so be it. We aren't tip toeing through the tulips here. Day after day on this board there are hard/harsh realities that are meeted out. I'm no sunshine pumper on either end of the stick. Edited December 13, 2014 by Realist3
Realist3 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 What is kind of mind-boggling in this criticism is that we were all on the same page, seeing the same thing... but because I said it in a more upfront position that initiated the same action everyone was advocating, I'm the bad guy.
Minnie09 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 What is kind of mind-boggling in this criticism is that we were all on the same page, seeing the same thing... but because I said it in a more upfront position that initiated the same action everyone was advocating, I'm the bad guy. How exactly did you initiate it? I have to re-read. However, I do believe that nobody on an anonymous forum will make a life-changing decision, just because some random stranger suggests it. This decision was made because it was the right thing to do, and you probably just gave her more food for thought that made it easier for her to do the right thing. If she hadn't been convinced, deep down, that her situation requires a drastic change, then you could talk until your face turns blue, and she would still take her time reconsidering and weighing her options, without actually doing anything too drastic about it.
BetrayedH Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 LJ, if I may ask, why is the love of a wayward so critical to you? Many, many of us have suffered the same blow to the ego; rejection is never a self-esteem builder. But ultimately, your H was a schmuck. Why is your self-worth so dependent upon him? Why does his crappy judgement matter so much that it defines you? 2
elaine567 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Stop obsessing over your husband and his OW and spend some time obsessing over your children. Children get very damaged by parents splitting up, they blame themselves and if any go off the rails in the future, they will cite your break up as the reason. You need to seriously start thinking of them, and making life good for them, instead of cloaking yourself in doom and gloom. Stop "crumbling" in self pity. YOU are alive, your kids are alive, you are still in your home and life is good. Christmas is coming, make sure it is a good one. 1
whichwayisup Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 You all did encourage her to leave, but guess what? Whose words struck home? Harsh? Yes. True? Yes. There comes a point where you can't coddle someone into accepting reality. Perhaps it is unfortunate that I expose the Pollyanna-ish view that some BS's want to wrap themselves with. I'm not here to hurt anyone. I'm giving a different perspective. If that triggers an individual so be it. We aren't tip toeing through the tulips here. Day after day on this board there are hard/harsh realities that are meeted out. I'm no sunshine pumper on either end of the stick. Yet when any BS gives harsh or non pollyanna advice to an OW or OM, many (maybe not you though) jump on and give the BS crap for being unkind or mean, all the meanwhile they are just giving harsher advice like you give, but on the other side of things. Anyway, as long as advice is respectful and not crossing TOS lines, it is that kind of advice that is appreciated later. Showing compassion and kindness to everybody goes a long way, regardless of who they are and what position they are in when it comes to an affair. 3
violet1 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Yet when any BS gives harsh or non pollyanna advice to an OW or OM, many (maybe not you though) jump on and give the BS crap for being unkind or mean, all the meanwhile they are just giving harsher advice like you give, but on the other side of things. Anyway, as long as advice is respectful and not crossing TOS lines, it is that kind of advice that is appreciated later. Showing compassion and kindness to everybody goes a long way, regardless of who they are and what position they are in when it comes to an affair. I completely agree with you, but I find it extremely hypocritical when a WS or an OW gives a BS advice to end a relationship when it's something they're not willing to do themselves.
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