SoulflowerChloe Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 (edited) We had an on and off long term relationship for 5 years, but have always been really close. Our bond was strong and I was so good to him, but he hasn't always been to me. but recently we started arguing over little things a lot. the distress caused him to "lose feelings" and our bond to break a bit. [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I did all the wrong things after the break up. The calls, text, even a letter. I know it was wrong, but it was my first major break up and I didn't know how to handle it. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]One month post break up, he contacted me and said that he had been thinking about me. Once again, I jumped too quick to assumptions and long story short, things didn't go good. There was an awkward meet up and a convo where he said that the distance, our arguments, his lost feelings, and the cycle was our downfall and that he was dating someone new (he said this also a week after we broke up). After that I didn't contact him. The last thing I did was send an email to apologize about my behavior and to let him know that I have accepted the break and will be giving him and me as well space to grow. I know that this breakup is best for us. I feel like we were good but it was bad timing. Questions: Did I ruin my chances for any distant future reconciliation with the aggressiveness post break up? Since he has been contemplating the breakup for a while and was the dumper and now talking to someone new, is he completely over me? ( keep in mind the fact that he texted me one month post breakup I suspect that it is a mix between Grass is greener plus our issues that made it easier for him to leave. when we broke up, it was like he had to convince himself of why we couldn't try again. Does that mean that he will not ever regret losing me after what we had for so long] Im thinking with time (6 months to a year) we can start fresh with maybe building our friendship again. But I don't want him to forget me... Edited December 13, 2014 by SoulflowerChloe
mitzimojo1 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 But my dear it is time to move on. He has moved on and so should you. And it may or may not be forever. You should know that you didn't completely ruin your chances of getting him back because of your aggressive behavior after the break up. I am sure he didn't like it but he will forget about it. But you should consider that your break up is permanent because, unless you do, you will be stuck constantly wondering if you will ever get back together and this will prevent you from really living your life. Know that what will make you attractive to this man is that you ARE living your life. That you are happy and kind and successful in all you want to do. He will not forget you. You were together for 5 years. But go on with your life. It's the best thing for both of you. You never know what's going to happen in your life but move forward. DO NOT stand still. 1
Author SoulflowerChloe Posted December 13, 2014 Author Posted December 13, 2014 But my dear it is time to move on. He has moved on and so should you. And it may or may not be forever. You should know that you didn't completely ruin your chances of getting him back because of your aggressive behavior after the break up. I am sure he didn't like it but he will forget about it. But you should consider that your break up is permanent because, unless you do, you will be stuck constantly wondering if you will ever get back together and this will prevent you from really living your life. Know that what will make you attractive to this man is that you ARE living your life. That you are happy and kind and successful in all you want to do. He will not forget you. You were together for 5 years. But go on with your life. It's the best thing for both of you. You never know what's going to happen in your life but move forward. DO NOT stand still. I am moving forward, but I am finding it difficult to not think about it. I am worried that I am obsessing over the very thing you warned not to, over getting back together in the future. Its as if my mind has told itself, " Don't worry. For now, stay occupied with your life, but know that in time you guys will be back. just be patient" How can I rid these thoughts if my heart believes that? its kinda my coping strategy, but I do not want to set my self up with false hope.
Satu Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Think about the difference between 'need' and 'want'. You seem to be telling yourself you 'need' your ex, but you don't. Try to shift your thinking from 'need' to 'want'.
Author SoulflowerChloe Posted December 13, 2014 Author Posted December 13, 2014 Think about the difference between 'need' and 'want'. You seem to be telling yourself you 'need' your ex, but you don't. Try to shift your thinking from 'need' to 'want'. Good point. I know I don't need him, he is just who my heart wants. It's like I'm at war with myself. my mind vs. My heart. I will take heed to your suggestion though. Maybe it's the time thing, with time I won't think of him as often. It's just still a fresh wound. 1
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