confusedaml Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 I started dating an amazing man in August of this year. We really hit it off, an quickly became very good friends. We went out every weekend, talked to each other every night on the phone from the moment we met. We even talked more than once on some days, having long conversations, laughing and just really connecting, and sometimes we'd be on the phone for an hour or two without even realizing how much time had passed. The day after my birthday, about a month an a half into dating, he texted me and told me that it was really hard for him to say it, but he thought it would be better if we were just friends. I was so incredibly hurt, and there really was no warning or signs from him that led up to his decision. He ended up calling me about an hour after he texted me to see if I was okay, and to ask me if I was angry with him. Heck yes I was angry. I had begun to develop feelings for him, and we had gotten so close, and he texted me that he didn't want to date me anymore. Our conversation was mostly him telling me what an amazing person I was, and how he loved to see me smile, and to make me laugh, and that I was so beautiful and I would be an amazing catch for someone someday. I cried...and then I said I was sorry that I couldn't be what he needed or wanted. (lame of me, i know) So, I didn't contact him for a week and a half, no texts, no calls, nothing....and out of the blue he called me up one day, "Just wanted to see how you are...I miss talking to you...etc..." It was like nothing had happened, and we were laughing and joking, and talking just as if we'd never stopped. Since then, we go out almost every weekend, he calls me or texts me every other day or so, and when we are out he is constantly looking at me, telling me I'm beautiful, looking into my eyes, making me laugh...but we are still only friends. When he looks into my eyes, I feel so much more than friendship coming from him. He tells me all of the time how much he cares about me, and that he loves to see me happy. He's also said that he wishes we could have happily ever after but that it couldn't be, and the dreaded, "you're just not the one for me". He invited me to Thanksgiving with his family, and I loved them! But, it was awkward the next day when his dad talked to me alone and asked me how much I knew about his son. I told him I knew quite a bit, and jokingly told him that he tries to convince me all of he time that he's not a good guy. His dad then asked me if he'd told me about being sick at all...I was floored, and I have no idea what he meant. I told him he hadn't said anything to me at all. His father asked me to not say anything about it to him, but I seriously don't have any clue what's going on! It's driving me nuts! The more time we spend together, the more I fall for him. I'm really just not sure what to do anymore. When I'm with him, I'm so happy, and then he goes home and I feel empty and confused because he always acts like he's more than a friend, but he goes home my friend, and I stay alone and empty. Any advice? By the way, we have never had a sexual relationship. We have kissed before, and I sleep over at his house in his bed and we just hold each other and talk...its never gone any further than that. We have discussed our attraction for each other and both of us are mutually attracted to one another, but I told him that my feelings for him would only become deeper if we were to connect that way, and he never pushes the topic or uses me for that. We are the perfect couple who just isn't a couple.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 I started dating an amazing man in August of this year. We really hit it off, an quickly became very good friends. We went out every weekend, talked to each other every night on the phone from the moment we met. We even talked more than once on some days, having long conversations, laughing and just really connecting, and sometimes we'd be on the phone for an hour or two without even realizing how much time had passed. The day after my birthday, about a month an a half into dating, he texted me and told me that it was really hard for him to say it, but he thought it would be better if we were just friends. I was so incredibly hurt, and there really was no warning or signs from him that led up to his decision. He ended up calling me about an hour after he texted me to see if I was okay, and to ask me if I was angry with him. Heck yes I was angry. I had begun to develop feelings for him, and we had gotten so close, and he texted me that he didn't want to date me anymore. Our conversation was mostly him telling me what an amazing person I was, and how he loved to see me smile, and to make me laugh, and that I was so beautiful and I would be an amazing catch for someone someday. I cried...and then I said I was sorry that I couldn't be what he needed or wanted. (lame of me, i know) So, I didn't contact him for a week and a half, no texts, no calls, nothing....and out of the blue he called me up one day, "Just wanted to see how you are...I miss talking to you...etc..." It was like nothing had happened, and we were laughing and joking, and talking just as if we'd never stopped. Since then, we go out almost every weekend, he calls me or texts me every other day or so, and when we are out he is constantly looking at me, telling me I'm beautiful, looking into my eyes, making me laugh...but we are still only friends. When he looks into my eyes, I feel so much more than friendship coming from him. He tells me all of the time how much he cares about me, and that he loves to see me happy. He's also said that he wishes we could have happily ever after but that it couldn't be, and the dreaded, "you're just not the one for me". He invited me to Thanksgiving with his family, and I loved them! But, it was awkward the next day when his dad talked to me alone and asked me how much I knew about his son. I told him I knew quite a bit, and jokingly told him that he tries to convince me all of he time that he's not a good guy. His dad then asked me if he'd told me about being sick at all...I was floored, and I have no idea what he meant. I told him he hadn't said anything to me at all. His father asked me to not say anything about it to him, but I seriously don't have any clue what's going on! It's driving me nuts! The more time we spend together, the more I fall for him. I'm really just not sure what to do anymore. When I'm with him, I'm so happy, and then he goes home and I feel empty and confused because he always acts like he's more than a friend, but he goes home my friend, and I stay alone and empty. Any advice? By the way, we have never had a sexual relationship. We have kissed before, and I sleep over at his house in his bed and we just hold each other and talk...its never gone any further than that. We have discussed our attraction for each other and both of us are mutually attracted to one another, but I told him that my feelings for him would only become deeper if we were to connect that way, and he never pushes the topic or uses me for that. We are the perfect couple who just isn't a couple. Um, well, geez, what can I say? He sounds like he really likes you, and yet acts this way. The alarming thing is, you've never had sex, And his Dad likes to talk him being sick...hmm what next? If I had to guess, and add the fact that you haven't had sex, I'd think he has an STD, one with which you don't want to mess. Or a mental issue, once which he hasn't come clean with yet, So before you get too invested, I suggest you found out from the people who know best. (not us.) 1
toscaroscura Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 I think this guy is a manipulative creep. Knocking you down, telling you all the ways you don't measure up, but then kissing and cuddling you and feeding you all this BS. He KNOWS how you feel and the fact that he still uses you like this doesn't speak well for him at all. Maybe it's the incredible ego-boost you provide for him, I don't know. But he's probably smirking because he's got you on standby 24/7 while giving nothing to you but pain and ambiguity. I'm saying all this not because I think you are a helpless victim (more on that later). But because you need to kick him off that ridiculous pedestal you've got him on. He is doing this on purpose and without any thought to the agony it puts you through. If he was a kind person, he'd gently let you go and not keep using your adoration of him when it's convenient. You have power in this too. You don't have to throw yourself at someone who's shown you so little respect. If I were you, I'd make myself far less available to him. It's not going to be easy! But you don't have to be the suffering victim here.
Author confusedaml Posted December 12, 2014 Author Posted December 12, 2014 I'm not sure how to go about asking him what his father meant. His father asked me to not mention it to him, and said that he should tell me himself.
Quiet Storm Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 (edited) Sick could mean anything....cancer, stds, addiction, a genetic disease, mental illness. Regardless, he likes you but not enough to make a commitment to you, and he doesn't feel close enough to you to share important things about his life. If you stay friends your heart will keep getting broken because you want more. Edited December 12, 2014 by Quiet Storm 1
NJ123 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Sounds like it's some sort of disease he lives with or possibly a mental health issue. Perhaps he's in the mindset that he doesn't want to burden you with his problems even though he really likes you which is obvious from what you stated in your posts.
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