Redhead14 Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 Someone asked me "how do you measure success in dating?" I said, for me, it was the ability to go on on dates, enjoy them, paying attention to your dates and the ability to "interview them" without them knowing they were being interviewed and having them end cordially or possibly go on to more dates without getting burned in the end. In other words, not investing too much emotionally in the beginning, keeping expectations low and just plain having fun. Even if the date didn't go well, I walked away feeling good about the experience and learning something. Even if the guy was a jerk, it was about handling it with poise and leaving it with respect and dignity. Never having to look back and feel badly about myself. 1
todreaminblue Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 dating is like a box of chocolates.....the chocolates might suck but if the box is pretty you have a keepsake to store poems in so go somewhere pretty somewhere magical ....and the poem you put in the box can be about that pretty place you went to what you saw what you did.....and then the chocolate seems not so bad .........full of calories anyway...and one day you find diet chocolate with no calories that tastes like toblerone in another pretty box......and that diet chocolate is like an eternal gobstopper just keeps lasting and lasting...lol...ok eternal toblerone gobstopper might be a little too much too ask for.......best wishes...stay positive..........deb 2
MercuryMorrison1 Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 Personally I measure how successful my dating life is based not on the quantity of women I date, but the quality. 1
DrReplyInRhymes Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 Call me literal, but that question in my mind is easy enough to address, wouldn't successful dating be measured by the successful relationship it manifests? 1
Perrier Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 (edited) Success in dating comes first from understanding the dating arena and behaviours at the current time you enter. For people like me who've preferred LTR's or celibacy and are now re-emerging, the dating scene is proving a minefield as traditional courtships are extinct and virtual communication (as opposed to hearing the human voice) and the hookup culture seem to be the norm. I'd also rank weeding out time wasters & those not aligned with your values before you invest too much as success in dating. As another poster stated, quality over quantity is very important. Edited December 12, 2014 by Perrier 2
nofeelings22 Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 hookup culture seem to be the norm. To me, this is the worst part of the current scene. It's all sex, no intimacy. Nothing personal. All physical and friends. Many don't want a relationship. 1
Diezel Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 To me, this is the worst part of the current scene. It's all sex, no intimacy. Nothing personal. All physical and friends. Many don't want a relationship. Hanging out vs dating. It's all crap. Welcome to the new world.
Perrier Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I agree with 'nofeelings22.' All sex, no intimacy or caring or feelings. Jumping from person to person at the drop of a hat, or when you can't get what you want when you want it. So sad and IMO emotionally damaging. Someone get me a time machine, lol. 3
nofeelings22 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Hanging out vs dating. It's all crap. Welcome to the new world. Exactly. How about the HIV and whatever else rates? I hate putting myself out there for potential disease when "hanging out" with all these girls. I'd much prefer monogamy. 1
Author Redhead14 Posted December 16, 2014 Author Posted December 16, 2014 Call me literal, but that question in my mind is easy enough to address, wouldn't successful dating be measured by the successful relationship it manifests? No, we are just talking about the dating process in between the point where a relationship develops which, hopefully, is about having dated a number of people and walked away or they walked but you still want to keep searching. It's about not being afraid to meet new people, enjoying each one for the moment, evaluating, accepting that they weren't the ones.
mysteryscape Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 For people like me who've preferred LTR's or celibacy and are now re-emerging, the dating scene is proving a minefield as traditional courtships are extinct and virtual communication (as opposed to hearing the human voice) and the hookup culture seem to be the norm. You really think it's that grim? Over what time period (years) has the change taken place? Do you have an opinion what to attribute it to? Would be really interested to have you expand on this.
Danda Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 I think there are some strong trends in OLD vs in-person pursuit. To be honest I think in-person is much harder, scarier and trickier, but I also think the reward is a much higher chance of a relationship than a casual fling (if what you want is a relationship). OLD is more convenient, less intimidating and straightforward, but in that environment you're bound to see the effects of those aspects on a pretty much pandemic level. When choosing dates is like flipping through a catalog, that is going to gradually mold mentalities, with special exceptions. When pursuing people in person, often by the time you're going on the official first date, you've already invested time and effort in getting to know each other. An actual bond has already started budding. You already have something worth protecting by not treating it like a casual source of sexy fun times. When your first date is with someone who you have 'bonded' with via a photo, a checklist and 5 online messages, it's different. Not that OLD endeavors never have success stories, since sometimes they certainly do, but again, it's just different.
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