Together 10 years; had a heated argument. Don't want to lose my family. Help!

[Jsalazar]

Hey guys im 24 years old my ex is 21 years old we have a 2 year old boy. So let me start off this year was awful i switched job to working grave yard shifts and some day shifts which have cause a toll in our relationship. I have been very lazy at home was taking me way to long to get stuff done around home, i was always sleeping and going to work.

 

We stopped going out as we normally did and i was really distant from her this year. Yes i have cheated in the past but i stopped so i wasn't clearly thinking there was a problem at home. Well anyways this November we got into a heated argument and we were outside and i grabbed her and took her inside so we wouldn't argue outside, well from there inside i pulled her from the couch and started screaming at her and she said it was over for me to get out of the house.

 

I have never been a violent person but i dont sleep at all at times im up for a couple days at a time to play with my son or something i have never been violent towards her. Our son wasnt there during the argument, well yes i did all the begging, i blew her phone up the first week and the 2nd week i told her look i am sorry i want to fix this relationship we have been together 10 years she has told me she doesnt love me an stuff like that so we spoke yesterday at our house i went by and we talked good and i told her look i cant change in a week or 2 but let me fix my issues and lets work it out.

 

So what do i do i dont want to lpse my family i just saw her today when i dropped my son off i gave her a kiss on her cheeck and left. Please help me

Edited December 12, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and add descriptive title.

[evanescentworld]

Good for her. Move on.

The moment you put your hands on someone else - I don't care what reason you give - you overshoot the boundary.

 

She did the right thing.

Take care of your kid, but leave her alone.

[SoThatHappened]

You started dating her when you were 14 and she was 11?

[Jsalazar]

Yes your correct didnt have sex till she was 15

[evanescentworld]

Well.... If this hadn't done it, boredom, stagnation and the need to diversify would have done it sooner or later.

looks like the hands-on situation did it for you....

[Zahara]

So, you were lazy. Sleeping all the time. You were distant with her. You've cheated on her. You physically manhandled her. You screamed at her.

 

It's good that she asked you to move out and I hope you stay out. I can't imagine other than history and a child, why anyone would put up with that behavior. I have a feeling she's gotten to the end of her rope. It's unfortunate that people have the sudden want to change only when it hits the fan and onlt when it affects them, and by then it's too late.

 

Focus on your child and let her be. Don't force her or push her to work on the relationship. She will come to you if she wants to.

[endlessabyss]

I think a lot of peoples criticisms here are complete rubbish.

 

 

Yes, he shouldn't have grabbed her, but this isn't a case where he Ray Riced his fiancée. If all he did was grabbed her, and this is the first time he's acted like this, I think a second chance isn't uncalled for. If Ray Rice can get a second chance, I believe OP can. Again, I'm not saying what he did is right, but if I picture this correctly, he didn't punch/slap/beat etc etc.

 

 

Some here are acting as if you blackened her eye, or broke bones in body; a complete over-exaggeration. When me and my ex were together, she would get stressed from being overworked, and in arguments would lay hands on me. My first thought wasn't to leave the relationship I put so much effort into, and not try to work things out.

 

 

I can sort of empathize with you OP. Changes in work schedule, long work hours, being a father; all of these things can catch up to someone, and start wearing you down, subsequently causing you to neglect important parts of your life. Life can start to get extremely stressful, and the stress can turn you into somebody you aren't. While your behavior wasn't acceptable, it's not uncommon.

 

 

Of course when things get trying in relationships now of days the first thing people do is give up. I wouldn't see anything wrong with splitting, but since you have a child I think the best action to take is trying to work it out.

 

 

All you can really do is apologize (showing with actions), and move on from there. I hope, for your child, she reciprocates, and gives you a second chance (third, due to the cheating). And, if she does, I hope you learn from this.

 

 

Good luck.

Edited December 12, 2014 by endlessabyss

[evanescentworld]

Yes, but by his admission, he was generally a funk, and it's only now that he's thinking he messed up.

Why didn't he see it at the time, and why resort to anger in response?

 

Nah. She did good, and frankly, he's now licking his wounds and seeking remedy, but I fear it's too little too late.

[Zahara]

Some here are acting as if you blackened her eye, or broke bones in body; a complete over-exaggeration. When me and my ex were together, she would get stressed from being overworked, and in arguments would lay hands on me. My first thought wasn't to leave the relationship I put so much effort into, and not try to work things out..

 

Granted you tolerate being physically hit, personally, there is never a reason to put your hands on someone. We differ in boundaries.

 

It wasn't just the manhandling of her but his treatment of her in general. With cheating and laying your hands on me, those would be dealbreakers, plus they aren't justifications for one's inability to deal with life's stressors.

 

I hope you're now in a relationship where your girlfriend is able to deal with life's difficulties in a healthy manner rather than express herself by hitting you.

Edited December 12, 2014 by Zahara

[d0nnivain]

Have you tried sending her flowers & an apology?

 

You need to sit down & talk for your son's sake.