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new to dating after LTR


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Posted

Hello guys and girls. Help me out here, please.

 

I'm into 17 day NC with my ex and aprox. 2 months since the BU.

The thing is I'm actually new to this dating scene and I think I'm gonna **** it up pretty soon. I've been in a serious relationship for 7 years.

 

I finally went out on a "date" with this beauty I like. It was nothing more than an 1 hour walk with her dog. :) She's 18 and I'm 25. We've been texting for a week or so and snapchatting and then I finally got her out. The thing is she's really really busy. Goes to school, then goes to a job and later at night she has to study. I've used to be around my ex for hours every single day for years so this is really something new to me. It's like this new girl is like a drug and I get super nervous because I can't meet her or even text her as much as I'd want to. I believe this is a problem because I may be pushing too hard and trapping her in a corner. You know, with bothering her when we'll go out and after the date I've even asked her if I stand a chance with her and when we'll go on a "proper" date. She didn't answer my question exactly to the point but asked me what's a proper date. I said a date where we'd go and do something and when she won't be in a such a hurry. I also said that she's giving me mixed signals and I feel like I'm bothering her but that I can't help myself because she has put a spell on me the first time I saw her. Jesus, I shouldn't have said all this **** but what's done is done. I hope this did not bury me. I was always direct like that but just because it has worked with my ex it doesn't mean it'll work now. Chicks are different and this girl is way different than my ex. Then I said that it's not like yesterday was not ok, that I had fun but you know (I want more lol). I think there is still hope if I do the right moves otherwise I'll **** everything up. She didn't text me after that and I'm dying here waiting for her response :D. I'll kill the urge though and won't text again even if she doesn't text me for a day. But I think a message will arrive today. You know I've been doing everything right till the date and the date itself was OK (we talked, laughed etc.) but it wasn't a step forward like it should be or perhaps I just don't know. Now I think I'm doing the wrong moves here and I need a guidance. I'll post her response and ask for your help. I think there is something about me that she likes otherwise we wouldn't go out right? And she does text me, she even replied to me in the middle of the night when she woke up to study. It was just a one liner but well she did. I wouldn't text somebody I don't want nothing to do with at 4 AM, would you?

 

Otherwise she's like an unleashed dog. Like she can't settle down. All crazy and scattered. I'm more calm and mature (well there's seven years difference after all) and I know she was fooling around a lot in the past but then she was living together with her ex bf for 2 years and is single now for a year or so. I think she got that out of her system because she said she can't find a proper bf, that everyone just wants to fool around and do one night stands. That she's not greedy and wants someone who knows how to love and is a good guy. I told her that fooling around is not for me either and it really isn't. I know she could be a rebound for me but I really like her and don't want to screw her and leave her. I'm not that type of guy. I think she's also a bit insecure and intentionally keeping a distance. And if I continue with my stupid **** I think I'll push her further away.

 

What do I do here? Do I chase her or I play hard to get. Did I **** up already? Hope I didn't cause she's gorgeous. Now I'm resisting the urge to text her again like a desperate idiot and waiting to see what she has to say. :)

 

I'll post when she replies.

Posted

Oh dear you have fallen into the expectations trap...

 

Good luck with that. Suggest you get out of it and see this for what it actually is.

 

No I wouldn't text or snap chat (whatever that is) or call again. I don't think she is going to respond... As the saying goes... Next...

  • Author
Posted

Oh man, yes that's exactly what I did, I always do that stupid ****. Not just with the dating but everything. I need to control myself. I went in for this too quick. She did respond with a pretty neutral one liner before which means like nothing or at least I cannot decode it. Things are not looking very well at this point I think but perhaps she's not lost yet. Should I tell her not to take me too seriously and keep the casual chat going on or should I back off for today and wait if she'll write something more or should I respond to her tomorrow or??? Is there a way to rewind this to the point where things were actually going on pretty damn well?!

Posted

finding the right person is not always a linear process. i recommend the movie, Love Actually, to see how outrageous life can be with our love lives.

 

i think there may be hope with this girl. remember she is pretty young and may not know who she is yet. i am a big believer in getting to know someone without sex on the table. no pressure, and this way we see FASTER if someone is not right for us. it is important the you are realistic about who she is and not focusing on a fantasy girl in your mind. many people fall in love with their idea of a person, not the person.

 

most likely, if she were crazy about you after the first date, her responses and feedback would have been more obviously positive. some people are just more attractive once you get to know them. so if you really like her, don't push for anything other than doing fun things together. let her get to know you. otherwise, i think she is too busy for dealing with someone who is infatuated with their idea of her..

  • Author
Posted

Looks like if I'm still in the game.

 

Yesterday I was out on a party and she was there too. We chatted a bit and she smiled when she'd see me etc. but she was out with her coworkers. I asked her if she'd join me later and she said she would but of course she didn't. That's her attitude right now. Is she playing games? I thought OK, maybe you're just not into me, I won't give a **** anymore and text you or anything. But then she sent me a random pic today and I was of course ok wtf I didn't expect this, I thought she just wouldn't text me anymore. I didn't ask her why she didn't join me yesterday but I did sent a text though saying that I thought she "just isn't into me" anymore because she wouldn't come. I played it out more as a joke. Her response to this was just like "oh, sorry". So I got this neutral vibe again and I thought OK, I don't wanna do this anymore and didn't send her anything back but after two hours or so she'd send me a pic smiling in her bed and telling me good night because she was partying last night. Hmm. I didn't respond yet. What is this? Is she just a little bit shy and I went too far too quick. Should I just back off a little bit? I thought I'd just reply with my own before the sleep with something like "Tempting, good night :)" but I don't know if it would be too much. I don't know where I stand right now. Looks like she has some interest but is giving these mixed signals. What do you think?

  • Author
Posted

Hey people. We're texting back and forth, sending each other different casual photos etc.. She's very busy like I said. Looks like she may have some interest but is not explicit at all. Should I try to get her out for a second time or wait if she suggests so? And if I do should I go for a kiss to see where I stand?

Posted

Too big an age gap at that young age. If she were 28 and you 35, not a problem.

 

Don't focus on one woman so soon after your breakup. You should be dating women of all ages and types to see who you get on with.

  • Author
Posted

Haha. OK, we'll see what's gonna happen. :)

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