I am holding myself so hard not to write my ex. She tried to reach me somehow.

[hittherockbottom]

This will be a post that I can keep as short as I can. Why we broke up? Because I had trust issues towards her. She was good during our relationship but on first week she showed lots of red flags and I just couldn't trust her and had to end it.

 

At the end of the relationship, she told me she wants to meet me one last time and she will get out of my life for sure. I didn't accept it because at our last meeting I've already told her that it was our last meeting so say whatever you need to say. After that she told me I am pushing her to HER PLAN B and C which I guess is another guy.

 

Today is the 10th day of NC. NC started easy, then got worst and worst. 3 days ago I saw her facebook photo update and my whole world collapsed. It was one of the most depressed days I've ever experienced. But next day I felt like a phoenix. I rise again, feeling clean and ready to make a new start.

 

That 3 days ago when I felt really good, she tried to get some information about me through our mutual friend. She wanted to let me know she is still upset and wonders how I am doing but my friend replied her very cool and let her know that relationship is over, we should leave it that way. And she replied, "Yes, I guess there is nothing to do anymore". And that's it.

 

That time I didn't feel anything towards her. Didn't want to meet or didn't want to talk but today somehow I am feeling sad again. I want to see her and meet her. I want to send her a message through our mutual friend again as I don't know if he is writing to her like "Btw, I didn't tell but OP is upset too." something like that.

 

Is it one of the negative days for me or is it a sign that I should contact her after all of her efforts and give her one more chance? My head started to get confused again. But what I know for sure is, if I get back to her, she will shred my heart into pieces in 6-7 months. And also what I know is, I want to have sex with her because I miss having sex and I won't have any other opportunity for almost 1-1.5 years in front of me.

 

How can I be an ******* and use her for sex and not catch feeling? Is this possible? Or should I stick to masturbation for 1-1.5 years and avoid her for good not to catch feelings and avoid a possible heartache?

[PegNosePete]

should I stick to masturbation for 1-1.5 years and avoid her for good not to catch feelings and avoid a possible heartache?

Yes, this.