Mecanic Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 (edited) Hi all Please give me some opinions on this situation. Coworker gave my number to her friend. She called, went on 1 st date, had a nice time. I really liked the girl. 3 dates followed, contact always initiated by her. On 3rd date, after a movie i went for a kiss in the car when i was dropping her home. It was wierd, she did not reciprocate, she tried to avoid it and kept her lips still. At this point i thought ok, this was it, she is not interested. However next day she contacted me, went for dinner, when i dropped her off she innitiated kissing, tongue and all. By the 5th date she came to my place for a movie, we cuddled, kissed but i did not make any sexuall move. She told me her friends are going skiing and asked me if i wanted to go. After i cheked at work i said ok and said i will make hotel reservations. Another night followed with her inviting herself to my place for a movie. We cuddled, kissed, at some point while we made out my hand was going toward her breast but she gently stopped it. She didnt stay over. Next days we went to gym together made plans for weekend, she said she wanted me to meet her friends. I also was about to make hotel reservations for skiing, she confirmed she wanted this. 2 days before the weekend with plans, after gym i might have been a little pushy, i was kissing her and i told her i would like to spend the evening with her. She said on weekend. I slapped myself after, i immediately realised that came a bit pushy, needy. I was not looking specifically for sex, i wanted to spend more time with her, cozy at my place. Anyway, on saturday, we was supposed to visit my friends, i called, she didnt answe and a text msg followed. She said she really likes me, enjoys my company, she feels i am a correct person so she feels to be the same. She said she is not emmotionally ready to enter a relationship, she is still healing wounds. She wished the situation to be different but it has been like this for her for a while. I said ok i understand and appreciate the sincerity. Other info She was telling me she has trouble sleeping She told me she had some issue recently in her life but didnt elaborate more I asked my coworker, i found out this year she broke off with her 3 year bf, it was a amiable decision So, what now, i like this girl. I was not aware of her emmotional baggage and i maybe pushed too fast. But she seemed so interested, she came up with the plans for skiing, to meet her friends etc. Can i restart this somehow, maybe at a slower pace. I have not contacted her since her text msg. Thank you for your opinions Edited December 12, 2014 by Mecanic
PegNosePete Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 Were you dating exclusively? Possibly her reluctance to escalate physically is because she is seeing others, and doesn't want to go too far until she's chosen one. Well seems she's not interested in taking it further, or decided to take it further with someone else. Move on... 1
Lernaean_Hydra Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 Lord, I don't know how much slower you can go to be honest with you. From what you wrote, nothing came off as pushy except maybe going for her breast but even that was after the 5th date (in what I'm assuming is as many or more weeks). The part I do find troubling is this: i might have been a little pushy, i was kissing her and i told her i would like to spend the evening with her. She said on weekend. I slapped myself after, i immediately realised that came a bit pushy, needy. I was not looking specifically for sex, i wanted to spend more time with her, cozy at my place.Telling her you want to spend the evening with her wasn't pushy or needy. Did you make it clear you weren't looking to have sex with her? Frankly, I don't quite understand this girl. I mean, on the one hand she apparently likes you and she's also the one who initiates contact (what's up with that by the way, why do you never initiate?). Plus she feels comfortable enough to spend time alone with you at your place and even invites herself over. Yet on the other hand, her physical behavior toward you is a little...chilly. I can't tell if she just moves at a super slow pace or if there's much more to this emotional baggage than she let on.
d0nnivain Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 You certainly didn't push too fast. I was actually thinking all of this was kind of slow. Anyway, she put herself out there before she was ready (or that is a white lie she's telling you so as not to hurt your feelings) Either way this has no future for you.
Author Mecanic Posted December 12, 2014 Author Posted December 12, 2014 5th date with the breast try was about the 2 weeks mark. The night i wanted her to spend the evening, yes, i told her i like to spend time with her and we could chill and relax at my place with no hidden intentions. What took me by surprise was that she made plans for skiing, meet her friends just days before this. What if i would have already paid for hotel.. I always felt some restrain from her during all our madeouts. Modesty aside, i am told i am quite a good looking person, i dont have trouble getting female attention and ussualy women get more hotter during madeouts than whar i experienced with her. Probably someone else is ib the picture (sex), maybe she is still seeing the old bf, since i understood it was a amiable breakup. I saw alot of qualities in her that i am looking in a woman, thats is why i am pinning abit over this. At this point i am thinking the ball is in her courtn if she decides to contact in the future. Light contact in a month or so initiated by me would be perceived unnatractive?
Author Mecanic Posted December 12, 2014 Author Posted December 12, 2014 To add that during dating this girl I was not my best self, prior to start dating her i just found out that my father has cancer and I also just started quitting smoking.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 I wouldn't contact her again. She knows where to find you if she wants. Any contact from you - especially if a month passes and you hear nothing - will probably not be received well.
preraph Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 She is interested in you definitely, and she probably likes to not have sex right away, which is fine. She let you know about the issues. What you don't know is if this guy is trying to pull her back in, which often happens, especially once they realize they're actually dating again. Possessiveness kicks in. If I were you, I'd stick it out for awhile. I wouldn't agree to be "just friends" though. As long as she is okay kissing on you and going out and cuddling, I'd let it keep going that way for awhile and maybe she'll open up to you about whether he's still contacting and she's being weak or whether it's just her unable to get over him. But she likes you because she initiated. Don't let the lack of sex throw you off. She very well may not be on birth control or anything too.
Author Mecanic Posted December 12, 2014 Author Posted December 12, 2014 ok, thank you all for the advices Preraph, you did not read my story till the end. Last week she didnt respond to my call and she sent the text msg, that was our last contact. Guess i will let this one go. If she contacts at some point, I will see from there. Maybe i will find out at some point what happened, as just a few days before we were talking about the ski trip, which was to be during New Years Eve, so she definitely wanted to spend NY Eve with me at that point. My feeling is on another guy in her life, possible the ex, who knows.
preraph Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 ok, thank you all for the advices Preraph, you did not read my story till the end. Last week she didnt respond to my call and she sent the text msg, that was our last contact. Guess i will let this one go. If she contacts at some point, I will see from there. Maybe i will find out at some point what happened, as just a few days before we were talking about the ski trip, which was to be during New Years Eve, so she definitely wanted to spend NY Eve with me at that point. My feeling is on another guy in her life, possible the ex, who knows. I thought you meant you got a text message from her when you said "a text message followed."
smackie9 Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 Just tell her what you told us, that you want to start over because you like her and just casually date for now with no expectations of getting physical until she is ready to take it to the next level. There simple. If you don't communicate this, nothing will happen. Right now she is thinking you won't settle for anything else but a sexual relationship, that's why she totally backed off. Give it another chance and see.
Author Mecanic Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 *6 months UPDATE* So after the above story in December, she called me few days ago. We had no contact since December. Had a small chit chat about how are we and she invited me for coffee. I said ok. We met, talked about our lives, she mentioned she is single, discussion turned to views on kids, she said its time for her to finish the living alone single life, maybe kids. We parted, kissed on the cheek, nice to see each other, no further plans. Same night, she sends a message. pictures from holiday, then says she does not have cigarettes anymore and I made her thirsty for a beer (i had one while talking to her). At that point she proposes that we buy beer and drink in the park. I tell her to come pick me up then, lets do the crazy stuff, it was middle of the night. What followed - she kissed me immediately when she picked me up, was all over me on the bench in the park, we spent like 3 hours drinking beer and making out. Next day (Friday), we talk, i ask her if she wants to meet on Saturday. She made an "aaaaa, i have to finish something at work and i will call you later to setup something" Been 2 days and she never called. I did not call because she was supposed to as she mentioned. What's up with this girl? She clearly likes me, but i cannot see beyond that, cannot read her behavior.
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Buy her two drinks flasks. One blue (cold), one red (hot). Give them both to her and tell her, every time you meet, you want her to hand you one of the flasks to indicate what mood she's in, because right now, you don't understand what the hell she wants from you. You will take it that when she hands you the red flask, it's open season and chocks away. When she hands you the blue one, it's 'opposite ends of the sofa, hands in lap and no eye contact'. Maybe then, she will figure wtf she wants, too...
smackie9 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I don't know why you are asking us, when you should be confronting her directly. If she starts feeding you crap, tell her you are tired of playing games and to lose your number. My theory is, she is still seeing her ex. Maybe a FWB thing with him or he's stringing her along.
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