LoverOfDance Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 (edited) So in the last thread I posted, I talked about a man who I've been trying to get over for the past three years (He is in a 13 year long term relationship). Some posters on here advised me to stay away from him because being around him always seemed to cause me pain somehow. It's been over 4 weeks now since I saw him. I'm beginning to realize that not being able to see him tbh, doesn't seem to make me feel much better. I can't sleep at night and I know that it is partly because I miss him. Him and his gf are travelling out of the country for the holidays. I honestly don't know what to do. I feel like I'm stuck in between the devil and deep blue see. I haven't been able to find anyone else (who I like) to date. And to be honest I don't think I really care. The only reason I'm looking for someone to date is because I'm trying to find someone who can help me take my mind off of him. It's been THREE whole years and I'm still not over this man. How can I be so in love with someone who probably doesn't even care if I live or die. I feel like I'm slowly beginning to fall into depression cause I've been struggling with this for way too long and it is seriously weighing me down emotionally. I don't know what to do -__- Edited December 12, 2014 by LoverOfDance
SycamoreCircle Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 So in the last thread I posted, I talked about a man who I've been trying to get over for the past three years (He is in a 13 year long term relationship). Some posters on here advised me to stay away from him because being around him always seemed to cause me pain somehow. It's been over 4 weeks now since I saw him. I'm beginning to realize that not being able to see him tbh, doesn't seem to make me feel much better. I can't sleep at night and I know that it is partly because I miss him. Him and his gf are travelling out of the country for the holidays. I honestly don't know what to do. I feel like I'm stuck in between the devil and deep blue see. I haven't been able to find anyone else (who I like) to date. And to be honest I don't think I really care. The only reason I'm looking for someone to date is because I'm trying to find someone who can help me take my mind off of him. It's been THREE whole years and I'm still not over this man. How can I be so in love with someone who probably doesn't even care if I live or die. I feel like I'm slowly beginning to fall into depression cause I've been struggling with this for way too long and it is seriously weighing me down emotionally. I don't know what do -___- OP, reread your post. The places where you use qualifiers "to be honest" or "honestly" are places of high suspicion for me. They tell me that you know better and you know you know better. Sorry to be harsh, but this is you in "cry baby" mode. Suck it up. 4 weeks of NC is a drop in the ocean. Stop giving in to infantilism. You haven't met anyone new you like? How can you while holding out for someone who doesn't feel the same way about you? Life is about change. You either adapt to that change or suffer through your own obstinacy. If you will grant yourself some distance on this, you will begin to gain clarity. You will have differently molded dreams. Your subconscious will begin to remodel itself. And when your subconscious remodels itself, your desire will remodel itself. 1
JChristie Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 my dear one, it is time to focus on yourself. developing your skills, talents, health and interests. life is flashing by, never to be regained. i have been where you are. the only thing that worked is to find a higher calling, either to love and nourish myself or to a life destiny personal mission. if you are really a dancer, use your love, pain and passion and create something that is beautiful or a tribute to your love and loss. post it on youtube, invite people to view it. really, anything that you find that makes you forget for a while, you need to cultivate. anything that makes you feel any hope for the future, pursue it. burn everything connected with him, write his name on a piece of paper and burn it, sage your house, and for 10 days pray to heal from this loss and to be able to move on and discover your true life destiny and purpose. you are stuck in a low energy field and your thoughts are going in endless loops. prayer, meditation and focus on self helped me to survive and thrive. i hope this helps you too:) 1
Redhead14 Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 So in the last thread I posted, I talked about a man who I've been trying to get over for the past three years (He is in a 13 year long term relationship). Some posters on here advised me to stay away from him because being around him always seemed to cause me pain somehow. It's been over 4 weeks now since I saw him. I'm beginning to realize that not being able to see him tbh, doesn't seem to make me feel much better. I can't sleep at night and I know that it is partly because I miss him. Him and his gf are travelling out of the country for the holidays. I honestly don't know what to do. I feel like I'm stuck in between the devil and deep blue see. I haven't been able to find anyone else (who I like) to date. And to be honest I don't think I really care. The only reason I'm looking for someone to date is because I'm trying to find someone who can help me take my mind off of him. It's been THREE whole years and I'm still not over this man. How can I be so in love with someone who probably doesn't even care if I live or die. I feel like I'm slowly beginning to fall into depression cause I've been struggling with this for way too long and it is seriously weighing me down emotionally. I don't know what to do -__- Three years? There is something else going on here. This is not about this man. I urge you to seriously consider going to counseling and do it now while you are recognizing the depression. The fact that you are coming to this site to say anything indicates you are likely ready to talk. Doing this here will not serve you effectively. These people are caring and well-intentioned but none of us are really qualified to respond to your situation. 2
FitChick Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 Being "in love" with an unavailable man was a way to escape fixing things in your life. He was a distraction.
preraph Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 I agree with all the posters, and would add that sometimes when we're not sure why we're hung up on someone, it can be because they have some quality we're not even consciously aware of that if familiar to us, creepily enough, may remind us of a parent or someone we know how to cope with. It is probably more likely that by virtue of the fact he is not interested and close to you, this enables you to project ideal qualities on him that he does not, in fact, possess. My money is that if you had spent the last three years picking up his socks and listening to him fart in the shower, you'd be pining after something else entirely. 1
Author LoverOfDance Posted December 13, 2014 Author Posted December 13, 2014 Thanks for all the comments everyone. I really appreciate. Thanks a lot JChristie. Yes I am really a dancer. For the past three years, I've pretty much buried in my head in my books hoping that if I stay busy I'll eventually forget him but it hasn't worked at all. I dance practically every day and always try to stay as busy as possible but none of it has worked. You're right about using my love, passion, pain to create and it's weird that you just said this because that is what I made the decision to do with my Christmas holiday. I've been a training dancer for the past four years but now I think I'm actually going to work on creating art and training at the time. I think it will keep busy and will also hopefully help me release everything I'm feeling inside. I've praying about it and will continue to pray until free from this
Author LoverOfDance Posted December 13, 2014 Author Posted December 13, 2014 Thanks for the reply RedHead14. I actually thought the same thing. I thought there was a very good chance that being hung up on him had more to do with me than it had to do with him. I went to therapy once because of it. But therapy was too expensive for me so I couldn't continue.
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