whatever89 Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 Hello gents/ladies, I'm going on a first date in a couple of days, and by first date I mean my *first* date. At the age of 21. Yeah, embarrassing, I know, whatever. I'm not bad looking or anything but just very shy and generally awkward around girls in the sense that I never know what to talk to them about, and rarely had the courage to do so anyway. I'm also not the type to waste time by going on a date with someone who I don't feel serious about, like just random girls. So I'm very nervous, especially since I really like this girl and would really like some tips from the more experienced. Context/background: I'm 21 and in a foreign country right now. We met at a regional weekend-long event last weekend and as soon as I noticed her I couldn't keep my eyes off her. On the first day during dinner in the large hall, I was sitting a table away from her but at a straight angle, and so I was eyeing her whenever I had the opportunity. I think she may have caught me a few times. I couldn't muster up the courage to talk to her on the first, second, or third day of the event, even though we were in close proximity most of the time and I had the opportunity. Like I said, really shy, especially when there are many people around. We were even on the same team during a Lasertag game, god damn it. Anyway, a day after the event I found her on facebook and friend requested her. Fearing she'll just ignore it, the exact opposite happened: she accepted it and messaged me first saying "hey, glad to see you!". Now I'm by far not an expert on girls but it was obvious she liked me. We chatted for a bit and then set up a date, even though I didn't actually use that word. She lives in a small town about 1.5hr train ride away, so I just asked her to show me around her town. We're meeting on Sunday and businesses are generally closed here on Sundays, so I expect that we'll just be walking around by the river most of the time or something like that. Some questions I have: (I'd google but I have 2 exams tomorrow to study for) - She said she's free on Sunday, so I told her that I'll come in the afternoon. Is that an awkward time to go on a date? It gets dark here at around 4:30-5pm and I would actually like to see town during daytime. Especially since it's not an "official" date. I'm probably over-thinking this one, but still. -We'll be walking around her small town for the majority if not the whole time. Should I grab her hand, place my arm arm around hers, around her waist, etc... at any point? Is that something you would do on a first date? - Since I'm 21 she probably expects that I've been on dates/had girlfriends before, which I haven't. If she asks, should I tell her the truth? or attempt not to sound like a loser by lying? - Assuming we click and have a decent time, how should I ask her for another date the following weekend? what should I say? - If she does agree to another date, where should I take her? what I have in mind right now is maybe going together to one of the larger, funner cities in the region, but they're both 1/1.5 hrs away and I'm fearing awkward train rides there and back, especially since I'll probably run out of things to talk about. What are some good suggestions for a second date? - MOST IMPORTANTLY: How to end the night? Again, assuming it goes relatively well. A kiss on the lips? on the cheeks? how can I tell how she will react? Should I just play it safe and go for none of those? And other general tips would be useful as well. How to act, what to say/not say. What topics to talk about? My biggest fear is that I will run out of things to say and it will just be plain awkward. Thanks for the help
smackie9 Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 Lower your expectations...you are not expected to make a move, just be yourself, talk about yourself, and let her talk about herself, ask her questions about hobbies, family, trips,maybe share some light stories. Good eye contact, smile lots, hide the nervousness. DO NOT say anything negative, or deeply presonal. Keep your date short like about an hour or hour and a half. A simple coffee date is good enough. Give her a hug if the mood is light when you part ways. Text her after the date and say you had a good time and should go out again soon. **Second date, wait a few days and ask her out again. Remember what she talked about, things she likes, places she has been too and use any of that to cue you to where your next date should be. Never make it an expensive event or dinner. Keep your dates simple, unhurried, casual and inexpensive. AS soon as you get carried away with buying them things and blowin your money, they will feel you are trying to buy them and it looks very insecure. They do not want to be put up on a pedestal, and worshipped, which so many rookie guys do. 1
todreaminblue Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 definitely be yourself.....if you are in the open air....there are always things to talk about......there is always something to see..do hold her hand at soem point.........i think a hug and a kiss on the cheek is appropriate for a first date......even a soft warm quick lip kiss to say goodbye.....if she seems open to it....at the end of the date suggest another date......next weekend.....and see what happens....play it by ear and go with the flow....if it is comfortable it will be easy to let it progress naturally...dont be afraid of silence...not all of them have to be awkward......deb
angel.eyes Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 If you want to see the town, getting there at 3 or 4 is good. Maybe do a little research beforehand and figure out a couple of things you might want to see. You can ask her about these if there's a lull during the date. If dating experience comes up in conversation, be honest. If things are going really well, you can touch her lightly on the forearm as you laugh or share a joke. If you both seem comfortable with that, maybe hold her hand briefly towards the end of the date as you're walking along. I would not put your arm around her on a first date...too much. Hold off on the first kiss. You're nervous enough as it is, don't add to your stress level. Just end with a hug. You can ask her for a second date at the end of the first. Suggest going to the larger city. After the date, I would send her a text (the same night) telling her you had a great time and promising to be in touch in a few days with specifics about the second date. Best of luck. Try to have fun. 1
todreaminblue Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 If you want to see the town, getting there at 3 or 4 is good. Maybe do a little research beforehand and figure out a couple of things you might want to see. You can ask her about these if there's a lull during the date. If dating experience comes up in conversation, be honest. If things are going really well, you can touch her lightly on the forearm as you laugh or share a joke. If you both seem comfortable with that, maybe hold her hand briefly towards the end of the date as you're walking along. I would not put your arm around her on a first date...too much. Hold off on the first kiss. You're nervous enough as it is, don't add to your stress level. Just end with a hug. You can ask her for a second date at the end of the first. Suggest going to the larger city. After the date, I would send her a text (the same night) telling her you had a great time and promising to be in touch in a few days with specifics about the second date. Best of luck. Try to have fun. on repeat for emphasis...thoughtful post....deb 1
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