I should be pickier?

[EveAFlame]

At 24, I can't really say I have a type. I was talking with friends and when we were listing out must-haves I truly could only list ONE thing and that's totally negotiable.

 

I'd prefer a guy my height or taller since I'm a pretty tall chick but even the last guy I dated for a few months was about 2 to 3 inches shorter.

 

Could NOT having a set list of wants be hurting me? I will actually go out with anyone who asks. It isn't desperation but a desire to give anyone a chance.

 

I have only had 2 boyfriends, a handful of first dates, and I'm considering OLD but I'm hesitant. I can be shy and quiet until I get to know people and I think that makes OLD harder.

[Danda]

I don't see how it would be hurting yourself.

 

All of the guys I've been romantically interested in over the years varied a lot in appearance, including hair-to-the-butt-damn-near-anoretic-looking-hippie and big-bearded-teddy-bear-lumberjack-looking-dude.

 

It could also be that you just don't know what your preferences are at this point so you'll have to get more dating experience under your belt to see what you respond most to.

 

I know for me clothes and hygiene can be significant. Like no matter the height, size, whatever of a guy, if he is dressed sharp and smells good, and is flirtatious, to at least some extent I'm like well hello there. Love it when men smell good.

[EveAFlame]

I don't see how it would be hurting yourself.

 

All of the guys I've been romantically interested in over the years varied a lot in appearance, including hair-to-the-butt-damn-near-anoretic-looking-hippie and big-bearded-teddy-bear-lumberjack-looking-dude.

 

It could also be that you just don't know what your preferences are at this point so you'll have to get more dating experience under your belt to see what you respond most to.

 

I know for me clothes and hygiene can be significant. Like no matter the height, size, whatever of a guy, if he is dressed sharp and smells good, and is flirtatious, to at least some extent I'm like well hello there. Love it when men smell good.

According to one friend, I have no standards which is stalling me in the dating arena. She seems to think in order to find what I want, I've got to have a whole list of requirements. But I dont know what I want!

 

I'm fit and reasonably cute. I've been approached a couple of times in public but it never goes very far. I just don't know what is stopping me from making a meaningful connection and relationship.

[Danda]

According to one friend, I have no standards which is stalling me in the dating arena. She seems to think in order to find what I want, I've got to have a whole list of requirements. But I dont know what I want!

 

I'm fit and reasonably cute. I've been approached a couple of times in public but it never goes very far. I just don't know what is stopping me from making a meaningful connection and relationship.

 

Listen to yourself and not your friends.

 

Sometimes friends who mean really well can project their own **** onto you, or feel jealous deep down about something but not want to feel that way and so try to cover it up in various ways. Or they might the type like me who is often so eager to help that even when they have nothing useful to add, they still try to think of something just for the sake of wanting to help somehow.

 

Friends are great for getting various different perspectives to consider, but ultimately you know how you feel about things, and you decide what your approach will be.

[angel.eyes]

I'm sure you have some standards. You just aren't able to articulate them yet. For example, I suspect if a guy who hadn't showered in ten years who had a lice-infested, matted beard asked for a date, you might decline. I suspect...I hope...if someone routinely treated you poorly and was repeatedly disrespectful, you would decline to date him.

 

I don't think laundry lists of meaningless criteria that have little to do with finding a good, loving partner are helpful. In fact, they're detrimental. Besides, part of dating is figuring out what you really need in a partner...and learning how to be a good partner yourself. Why be encumbered by a silly list your friends put together in a vacuum of experience? It adds absolutely nothing.

 

Take your time. Explore. Figure it out for yourself.

[angel.eyes]

I've been approached a couple of times in public but it never goes very far. I just don't know what is stopping me from making a meaningful connection and relationship.

 

Meh! Cold approaches very rarely go anywhere. Not to worry.

 

Are there guys in your classes, clubs, or social activities that you might like? Flirt with them. Or, if you feel too shy to do that, just smile, be warm and act friendly.

[StalwartMind]

Let everyone else be picky and like others have said, as long as you have sensible standards, like the person treats you good and respects you, then really date and befriend anyone to your liking. I actually believe it's your advantage that you don't really have any particular preferences, because it means you have more opportunities.

[EveAFlame]

Meh! Cold approaches very rarely go anywhere. Not to worry.

 

Are there guys in your classes, clubs, or social activities that you might like? Flirt with them. Or, if you feel too shy to do that, just smile, be warm and act friendly.

 

Thanks! I'm really friendly, especially when I get to know people. It can be hard right out of the gate though. I guess I must approach more myself and make my interest known. I've got a lot of male friends who I was interested in and it just went nowhere. They definitely think of me as a friend.

 

I recently dated an older guy I met through our interest in a computer game and that threw me for a loop because he had some issues stemming from his own lack of dating experience.

 

But when you said I do have standards about hygiene I realize yes I do have a few more lol. Clean and at least somewhat self-sufficient are two more I think are important.

[angel.eyes]

I wouldn't necessarily pursue guys. That's a risky approach. Many guys will try to sleep with you even though they have zero interest in actually dating you.

 

Your goal is to be approachable and friendly...borderline flirtatious. That way he's comfortable and won't hesitate because he's concerned his head might get bitten off or you might verbally humiliate him if it turns out you're not interested. Generally friendly, easygoing, easy to talk to, and always smiling do the trick.

[salparadise]

I wouldn't necessarily pursue guys. That's a risky approach. Many guys will try to sleep with you even though they have zero interest in actually dating you.

 

Your goal is to be approachable and friendly...borderline flirtatious. That way he's comfortable and won't hesitate because he's concerned his head might get bitten off or you might verbally humiliate him if it turns out you're not interested. Generally friendly, easygoing, easy to talk to, and always smiling do the trick.

 

The second paragraph is on point. The first one, not so much.

 

It's fine for a woman to do a bit of pursuing––it's not the tipping point as to whether a guy will "try to sleep with you even though they have zero interest in actually dating you." Some guys will do that regardless.

 

Women just need to accept is that sex is a primary motivation for men. Relationship oriented men and the hit and run guys aren't even two different types; just different modes. They're not determined by how assertively a woman expresses interest. None of it is as simple as a+b=c.

[PegNosePete]

we were listing out must-haves I truly could only list ONE thing and that's totally negotiable.

Really? So a guy who is rude to you, swears at wait staff on your first date, smells like he hasn't showered in 6 months, wears skintight leather and a ball gag, hits on your friends and drives like he doesn't want to live another day... all that is within your parameters??

 

You don't necessarily have to have a "type" but you must find certain personality traits more attractive than others.

[EveAFlame]

Really? So a guy who is rude to you, swears at wait staff on your first date, smells like he hasn't showered in 6 months, wears skintight leather and a ball gag, hits on your friends and drives like he doesn't want to live another day... all that is within your parameters??

 

You don't necessarily have to have a "type" but you must find certain personality traits more attractive than others.

 

Ok must admit you made me laugh quite boisterously. You're absolutely right. All those things would be no-nos!

 

My issue is that NOT having a type hasn't helped me at all! Men seem to like me as a FRIEND and so rarely more. My friend is so picky and finicky and she just seems to be tripping over men. I always thought guys were into relaxed girls and she is the opposite of that!

[Michelle ma Belle]

At 24, I can't really say I have a type. I was talking with friends and when we were listing out must-haves I truly could only list ONE thing and that's totally negotiable.

 

I'd prefer a guy my height or taller since I'm a pretty tall chick but even the last guy I dated for a few months was about 2 to 3 inches shorter.

 

Could NOT having a set list of wants be hurting me? I will actually go out with anyone who asks. It isn't desperation but a desire to give anyone a chance.

 

I have only had 2 boyfriends, a handful of first dates, and I'm considering OLD but I'm hesitant. I can be shy and quiet until I get to know people and I think that makes OLD harder.

 

I think this is an important statement and one that is refreshing especially because of your age.

 

Just because you don't have some creepy MUST HAVE list folded away in one of your secret pockets in your purse doesn't mean you DON'T have any at all.

 

I think it's wonderful that you're open to meeting and dating all sorts of men! So many people date in a box anymore. That kind of dating is so limiting.

 

Eventually, with enough dating under your belt, you will likely end up making a few mental notes about what you really want in a guy as well as the things you don't want. Only natural.

 

Until then enjoy yourself and STOP listening to your friends or anyone else who poo poos all over your "lack of standards"

 

And this is NOT hurting you so file that under "G" for garbage.

 

Good luck!

Edited December 12, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle

[JuneJulySeptember]

At 24, I can't really say I have a type. I was talking with friends and when we were listing out must-haves I truly could only list ONE thing and that's totally negotiable.

 

I'd prefer a guy my height or taller since I'm a pretty tall chick but even the last guy I dated for a few months was about 2 to 3 inches shorter.

 

Could NOT having a set list of wants be hurting me? I will actually go out with anyone who asks. It isn't desperation but a desire to give anyone a chance.

 

I have only had 2 boyfriends, a handful of first dates, and I'm considering OLD but I'm hesitant. I can be shy and quiet until I get to know people and I think that makes OLD harder.

 

I think it helps you tremendously in ways that you cannot even measure.

 

I really think a good relationship is about two people who can make each other happy. That's not too different from friendship. And I will be the first to admit that it's somewhat difficult to find compatible friends.

 

The problem with dating is that we are screened by so many factors that have nothing to do with that. Most notably looks. We screen out so many people who we could have a good time with because they are unattractive.

 

If you are open to dating men of many different types, you give yourself a MUCH better chance and odds of finding somebody compatible and who will make you happy.

 

Not just now, but for the future when you have changed as well.

Edited December 13, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember