venusishername Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 But, at the same time, if it's time for me to find somewhere to live in August and I'm looking by myself instead of with him, I think it shows we're in different places and maybe this relationship isn't for me. Good for you. 1
BluEyeL Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 It's realistic to expect that you wouldn't break up with him tomorrow after you've been together for five years. It takes some steps, like the stages of grief, denial being one of them, until you'll accept that the relationship has to end. How long you'll take to go through that will determine how much time you waste. But agreed that it can't be ovenight. Pulling back could serve just this be part of the process of moving on. It took me three years to move on from my ex-H. I wish I did it earlier. I agree with Ninja in the sense that I think it's best to choose a man that really wants to be with you because that's what he wants. If he isn't sure, it's better to let him go than work at it until he reluctantly gives in and moves with you or marries you. He'll not make a good husband on the long term, for multiple reasons. It's better to evaluate in cold blood the potential of a guy to be with you and be a good husband in 10, 20 and 30 years' time than give in to romanticism and somehow force things to happen. The first criterion should be whether he really wants to be with you and is mature enough to do so. 1
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