tatalizer Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 Hi everyone, I'm new member on this web, and looking forward for you guys support. Hope you could help me out here. I got questions about my recent breakup with my girlfriend. I had 2 years wonderful relationship with my girlfriend before things get sore. We started to fight more often in the last few months over small or big things. She said sometimes she just couldn't deal with my personal emotional problem (needy, clingy) which I was trying to improve myself for her. But the last time we fought over the phone was quite intense, so we decided to not talking to one another for like a week. I visited her at her house a week after the fight, and she said that she had lost attraction in me and wanted it to be over. I had no choice but to agree with her, and i drove back home feeling very upset. The next day i couldn't help myself but to call her and asked her to give me another chance, because i thought it was all my fault that blew our relationship and i felt really guilty about it. But it turned out that she was dining with another man at the time. She said he was her senior back in the University years, and they've been hanging out only few times before we actually broken up. She seemed angry at me over the phone and said that we're over and she wasn't ready to talk with me. I was totally in shock, but still i tried my best to stay calm. I told her that I was calling her just to say that I love her and wanting to fix the problem, but somehow things have turned around now. So I told her good luck, and take good care of herself. Since that night I didn't contact to her again. But somehow she started texting me in the past few days. She didn't say anything important--they were just "How are you", "Goodnight" or "wish you good luck at work", but i tried not to answer her that much. I assume she's now probably really confusing, don't know what to do about me or a new guy. But she didn't say that she miss me or want to get back together with me, and she didn't mention if she still seeing the other man or not. Then i tried to used no contact and it went on for two weeks. But then there's her birthday coming, and i couldn't resist sending flowers to her office. I know I know i totally screwed up. But you have to understand that at the time my logical and emotion were totally fighting each other. I thought this action would make her feel something, but it turns out that she didn't care. She only texts me to say a simple thank you, and the classic line "You don't have to do this". I didn't say anything back to her, because i just wanted to give her a present (and wanted to check if she still has any feeling left for me). Since then i resuming NC, and until now it's been two weeks already, and i still don't hear anything back from her at all. So i assume she's probably in the new relationship with that new guy by now. So, what should I do next for this situation? Of course, I can't deny that I really want her back in my life again, but if she really want to be with the new guy, I'd rather be heartbroken and try to move on than being her friend. But I'm so confused at the moment. My friends said i should take this time healing myself, and if she really want me back then she will be the one who make a contact. I know that's what i have to do now, but i can't just stop worrying that if i don't do anything, she will even become far more serious with her new relationship, and it's gonna be too late. So please help. Thank you so much.
angiefly Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 NC is hard but necessary. I just started it and I'm struggling but we do it for ourselves. You aren't going to lose her to another guy if you keep the NC... she's already moved on, therefore there is nothing there to lose. If something was meant to be, it will find a way so please stick to your NC and maybe write down all of the annoying things she did when you were together, read them when you are placing her on a pedestal. Come here and post instead of contacting her. 2
Satu Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 Stick to NC and get on with your life. Its very hard at first, but you will eventually start to feel better and more able to move on. 2
Author tatalizer Posted December 11, 2014 Author Posted December 11, 2014 NC is hard but necessary. I just started it and I'm struggling but we do it for ourselves. You aren't going to lose her to another guy if you keep the NC... she's already moved on, therefore there is nothing there to lose. If something was meant to be, it will find a way so please stick to your NC and maybe write down all of the annoying things she did when you were together, read them when you are placing her on a pedestal. Come here and post instead of contacting her. Thank you for your comment. I really wish that I could think that way (If something was meant to be, it will) sometime soon. Honestly, she wasn't really an annoying person. In fact she was a lovely one. There are something about her that I didn't like too, but I can always look over that problem. Well, I just loved her that much. Even though she is kind of cheating on me in the end, but somehow deep down I think it was my flaws that drove her to make that kind of decision. Many people said this looks likely that she's using this new guy as a rebound to get over me, and it might be over soon. But how can I be so sure if he will be just a rebound, and won't turn into a real relationship? Sigh...there are so many times that I just want to break NC because I miss her so much. But i knew that I shouldn't make the same mistake again..
Chi townD Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 Let me see if I got this straight. She dumps you and then the next day, she's out on a date? Dude, she was cheating on you. She already started up a new relationship with someone else while she was still with you. You might ask yourself "when"? Think back to all those times you fought prior to the break up. Weeks? Months? That's when it started. And I'll bet dollars to donuts 8 times out of 10 they were started by her. She fought with you because she needed to demonize you in her head to justify what she was doing and easing her own guilt. "I wouldn't be here with this other dude if Tatalizer wasn't being a jackass." That's probably what was going through her head. And then she breaks up with you and LESS THAN 24 HOURS she's on a date. No mourning the loss of you. No mourning the loss of your relationship. So, now she's sending you these little nothing friendly texts that probably don't last too long do they? It's at those times that she starts to feel guilty. So, she sends out a friendly text and if you send her back a friendly text, it tell her "Oh! He's fine." and she able to ease her guilt and move on with her day. Those texts aren't for you, they're for her benefit. So, STOP RESPONDING TO THEM!!! Start a hard NC, block her off of your facebook and unfollow her on social media. Do not respond to anymore of her breadcrumbs. If she calls, let it go to voicemail. Time to heal and move on, you don't want to be with a cheater. 7
Light Breeze Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 Thank you for your comment. I really wish that I could think that way (If something was meant to be, it will) sometime soon. Honestly, she wasn't really an annoying person. In fact she was a lovely one. There are something about her that I didn't like too, but I can always look over that problem. Well, I just loved her that much. Even though she is kind of cheating on me in the end, but somehow deep down I think it was my flaws that drove her to make that kind of decision. Many people said this looks likely that she's using this new guy as a rebound to get over me, and it might be over soon. But how can I be so sure if he will be just a rebound, and won't turn into a real relationship? Sigh...there are so many times that I just want to break NC because I miss her so much. But i knew that I shouldn't make the same mistake again.. Hey OP, Something really similar happened to me. The fact is, she isn't thinking about you now because she has someone else, so no matter what you do you won't be winning her back. All those texts she sent you are just to appease her guilty conscience. She would probably stop those once she knows you're all right. I agree with CHi that she was seeing this guy before the relationship even ended and probably use the fights to justify leaving you. C'mon, who goes on a date less than 24 hours after she has broken with someone she has been with for 2 YEARS.. Answer is... no one, unless she is cheating (physically or emotionally, it doesn't matter) People here knows what they are talking about so you can pick up a few things. One which Really stuck to me, is that if this ever happened you, go NC and heal. You have a win-win situation if you do this.. why? First, you're going to heal so when she comes running back, you can assess the situation clearly without the rose colored lenses.. You may not even want her back by then.. Second, if she doesn't come back... then you are in the best position to move on with your life. But anyway in my opinion kill all that hope and make an effort to move on because would you really want someone who replaced you that rapidly,(I think she cheated on you though) back? You deserve better than that and you deserve someone who will not give up on what you have that easily. Stay strong brother and just go here when the despair comes crawling in. Venting here seriously helps, I know. 2
polaske93 Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 I'm really sorry brotha, as everyone is saying NC is the only thing to do. I myself has struggled with NC, and broke down only to go through incredible pain over and over again. Recovery is a tough, long road but everyone on this site has fought through it so can you. You have to do what's best for you, and lose hope for reconciliation it's not going to happen. If she does contact you again most likely it will be when their relationship ends, and she feels lonely. Stay strong, and mark this as just another chapter in the story of your life. 1
angiefly Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 Thank you for your comment. I really wish that I could think that way (If something was meant to be, it will) sometime soon. Honestly, she wasn't really an annoying person. In fact she was a lovely one. There are something about her that I didn't like too, but I can always look over that problem. Well, I just loved her that much. It's not about your mind set... It's a fact that if something is meant to be, it will be. Nobody can change that and that is why we have to let go. If it's supposed to be, it will happen...Not because we push it to happen or try to make it happen. Anyway, thinking of annoying things but you say she's lovely... Dude she cheated and there is NOTHING lovely about that. She isn't worthy of you and she is not as great as you make her out to be. Take her off the pedestal and take care of you. Get yourself ready and together FOR YOU... It can open up the door for better relationships with a lovely person that DOESN'T cheat. Good-luck! 1
SycamoreCircle Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 "She fought with you because she needed to demonize you in her head to justify what she was doing and easing her own guilt." And when God spaketh to Tatalizer, the heavens did open and bright light did shine forth. And 40 moons more did the the land see NC.
Author tatalizer Posted December 11, 2014 Author Posted December 11, 2014 Hey OP, Something really similar happened to me. The fact is, she isn't thinking about you now because she has someone else, so no matter what you do you won't be winning her back. All those texts she sent you are just to appease her guilty conscience. She would probably stop those once she knows you're all right. I agree with CHi that she was seeing this guy before the relationship even ended and probably use the fights to justify leaving you. C'mon, who goes on a date less than 24 hours after she has broken with someone she has been with for 2 YEARS.. Answer is... no one, unless she is cheating (physically or emotionally, it doesn't matter) People here knows what they are talking about so you can pick up a few things. One which Really stuck to me, is that if this ever happened you, go NC and heal. You have a win-win situation if you do this.. why? First, you're going to heal so when she comes running back, you can assess the situation clearly without the rose colored lenses.. You may not even want her back by then.. Second, if she doesn't come back... then you are in the best position to move on with your life. But anyway in my opinion kill all that hope and make an effort to move on because would you really want someone who replaced you that rapidly,(I think she cheated on you though) back? You deserve better than that and you deserve someone who will not give up on what you have that easily. Stay strong brother and just go here when the despair comes crawling in. Venting here seriously helps, I know. Ouch!! Man....what you guys said just hit me at the center of my heart so heavy!! But i got to say thank you for Chi-townd and Light Breeze. You guys are absolutely right. In the back of my head I knew that's true, but I've been avoiding that entire time, I just ignored anf tried not to accept the fact. Maybe because of I just couldn't believe that she could do something like this to the the man she's be with for two years! It was such an awful way to get out of relationship. I'm maybe not perfect, but I knew that I'll never betray people that I love ever, not this way.. So, I guess I'll have to continue my NC, and hopefully I'll be better soon. Tomorrow I might feel weak again, but I Know it will be okay. I'd just wait and and see what's going to happen to me in the future rather than trying to control things now. Thanks to you guys again. That was truely a wake up call! I'll try harder to stay strong!
lil hoodlum Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 Let me see if I got this straight. She dumps you and then the next day, she's out on a date? Dude, she was cheating on you. She already started up a new relationship with someone else while she was still with you. You might ask yourself "when"? Think back to all those times you fought prior to the break up. Weeks? Months? That's when it started. And I'll bet dollars to donuts 8 times out of 10 they were started by her. She fought with you because she needed to demonize you in her head to justify what she was doing and easing her own guilt. "I wouldn't be here with this other dude if Tatalizer wasn't being a jackass." That's probably what was going through her head. And then she breaks up with you and LESS THAN 24 HOURS she's on a date. No mourning the loss of you. No mourning the loss of your relationship. So, now she's sending you these little nothing friendly texts that probably don't last too long do they? It's at those times that she starts to feel guilty. So, she sends out a friendly text and if you send her back a friendly text, it tell her "Oh! He's fine." and she able to ease her guilt and move on with her day. Those texts aren't for you, they're for her benefit. So, STOP RESPONDING TO THEM!!! Start a hard NC, block her off of your facebook and unfollow her on social media. Do not respond to anymore of her breadcrumbs. If she calls, let it go to voicemail. Time to heal and move on, you don't want to be with a cheater. Absolute truth. I almost don't even have to read Chi townDs replies to know that he is telling you the honest truth straight up. 1
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