Ladies, how do you generally feel about a man who has slept with two women?

[elaine567]

I know she asked you directly re threesomes, but who initiated the entire conversation where threesones came up.

 

Did you tell her in the hope she would participate with threesomes in the future, or did you just tell her to give her an honest and fuller picture of your sexual history?

 

I would not view it positively in a potential partner, it would be a deal breaker if I am honest.

 

But if a friend told me about the threesomes they had participated in, I would not think any less of them as long as everyone was happy with the arrangement.

[elaine567]

I wouldn't even care a little bit.

 

Past is the past. I'm concerned with present and future with a partner.

 

If the OP is hopeful that the past now becomes the future and that threesomes are a necessary part of the OPs sexuality, then that needs sorted out before the relationship can go any further.

Even if the lady in question may fantasise re threesomes, there is a big difference between fantasising and acting out fantasies, another person is involved and the logistics of that may kill any fantasy stone dead...

[preraph]

I guess it would depend on what two women. If it was Courtney Love and Anna Nicole Smith, I'd dump you. If it was Chelsea Handler and Loni Love, I'd give you a Purple Heart.

[Jules Dash]

If the OP is hopeful that the past now becomes the future and that threesomes are a necessary part of the OPs sexuality, then that needs sorted out before the relationship can go any further.

.

 

I want to make it clear that I am not concerned what my date thinks about me having threesomes in the past. She asked me have I ever had a threesome before and I told her "yes." I really don't care if she looks down on it or not or if it is a turnoff to her. I was into her but if a woman can't accept my sexual past then it is their loss. That is how I view it.

 

I accept the woman I am dating sexual past and I don't make a big deal about it. Anyone one I am dating can tell me that she handled two penises at the same time on a public train in the past and it wouldn't bother me. My view is that sex doesn't define a person. That is just my view.

 

I am just interested in how women view men who have had threesomes in the past. We always hear about what men think about their partner having a threesome in the past but rarely do we hear about how women feel about their partner being involved in a threesome so when she asked me about this, I got the idea to start this thread in order to find out.

 

Men, generally, cannot handle the information. I am getting the idea from the responses here that women handle the situation much better than men, in general. There are some who are turned off by the idea but that can be expected as well.

[Danda]

I want to make it clear that I am not concerned what my date thinks about me having threesomes in the past. She asked me have I ever had a threesome before and I told her "yes." I really don't care if she looks down on it or not or if it is a turnoff to her. I was into her but if a woman can't accept my sexual past then it is their loss. That is how I view it.

 

I accept the woman I am dating sexual past and I don't make a big deal about it. Anyone one I am dating can tell me that she handled two penises at the same time on a public train in the past and it wouldn't bother me. My view is that sex doesn't define a person. That is just my view.

 

I am just interested in how women view men who have had threesomes in the past. We always hear about what men think about their partner having a threesome in the past but rarely do we hear about how women feel about their partner being involved in a threesome so when she asked me about this, I got the idea to start this thread in order to find out.

 

Men, generally, cannot handle the information. I am getting the idea from the responses here that women handle the situation much better than men, in general. There are some who are turned off by the idea but that can be expected as well.

 

I think most people, generally speaking, just don't want to imagine their SO doing sexual things with other people. I think the reactions (emotionally) would probably be similar between

 

1. Your partner starts telling you about the dozens of men/women they had sexual experiences with in the past

2. You find out that your partner only ever had one other lover before you, and it was their neighbor, who still lives across the street and whom you see every other time you come over

 

In both cases it's like the thoughts of your partner ****ing someone else crash into your brain and it's just like ugh, no, the feels, jealousy, ugh, get it out, ****.

 

I think this is probably a separate issue from having certain ethical codes about number of sex partners or something. So I imagine that responses will be coming from these two distinct different angles.

[Danda]

Also let's not gloss over the possibility that she was asking because she wants one with you. Just sayin.

[Trimmer]

In general, I don't think the double standard is acceptable, i.e. sexually adventurous women are "sluts" but "boys will be boys".

Ah, good point, but which way would you prefer to correct the double standard?

 

Would you rather that we even things up by shaming both women AND men as "sluts"?

 

Or would you say, "human beings - both men and women - are sexual" and deserve to own and explore their sexuality without shame?

 

Two very different approaches to normalizing the double standard.

[giblesp]

Sorry for the misunderstanding. I meant "two women at the same time." In other words, she asked me if I had threesomes in the past and I told her yes, I have.

 

I am not looking for advice on how to handle this situation. She can either accept my sexual past or not (I am in my 40s). I just want to know how women generally view a man who has slept with two women at the same time.

 

Jealousy about someones past is a crazy thing, and every jealous person has a special area to get jealous about.

For some its 'Did you ever have a threesome?' for others its 'Did you ever sleep with a stranger?' and there's the classic 'Did you ever take it in the a**?'

 

It's all coming from the same dysfunctional place of not feeling good enough about themselves. I speak from past experience.

 

Maybe tell her that you're not interested in your past or her past right now, your interested in her.

[Omei]

I wouldnt care as long as it was in the past while I was with them and not current lol

[NJ123]

I can't lie, if I found a woman had a 3-some in the past it would be an instant turnoff. The thought of her being banged by 2 guys at the same time just doesn't sit right with me. I don't care if I get angry messages from anyone on here, I'm at least being honest.

[Els]

At the same time? That might be a problem...

 

Edit: Wow, you actually did mean that. Uh, would depend on the circumstances I suppose - it isn't necessarily an instant dealbreaker. Would not be my preference though.

[Danda]

I can't lie, if I found a woman had a 3-some in the past it would be an instant turnoff. The thought of her being banged by 2 guys at the same time just doesn't sit right with me. I don't care if I get angry messages from anyone on here, I'm at least being honest.

 

Why would you get angry messages? People can't help what they feel about anything, feelings are not right or wrong. Just have to make sure your partner is on the same page as you and all is well.

 

However if you're willing to share, I am curious: Do you know why it wouldn't sit right with you?

 

I have a theory that since western society is still relatively new at accepting female sexuality, that we often pretend like we (as a society) are more chill about things than we really are. I don't think there has been enough time yet, really.

 

Like I get the impression that a typical knee-jerk perception of a man with two women is perceived like the man is indulging. Whereas a typical knee-jerk perception of a woman with two men is that the woman is being degraded.

 

And I wonder if that influences things at all?

[elaine567]

 

I accept the woman I am dating sexual past and I don't make a big deal about it. Anyone one I am dating can tell me that she handled two penises at the same time on a public train in the past and it wouldn't bother me. My view is that sex doesn't define a person. That is just my view.

 

 

I think we all have to draw a line under a partner's sexual past, unless we choose to go mad with jealousy, but the past often has implications for the future and that is what some seem most afraid of here.

It is not about the past per se, nor is it a judgement on the actions.

 

Some see sex as a monogamous activity and getting involved in threesomes in the future is not a path they would wish a relationship to follow.

A person who has engaged in threesomes, may want more threesomes, may get frustrated if threesomes are not on offer or may decide in the future to temporarily opt out of the relationship to pursue threesomes on his/her own...

Everyone looks to protect themselves and if can see conflict or heartache ahead, then most intelligent people try to duck out of a developing relationship, to avoid it.

[NJ123]

Why would you get angry messages? People can't help what they feel about anything, feelings are not right or wrong. Just have to make sure your partner is on the same page as you and all is well.

 

However if you're willing to share, I am curious: Do you know why it wouldn't sit right with you?

 

I have a theory that since western society is still relatively new at accepting female sexuality, that we often pretend like we (as a society) are more chill about things than we really are. I don't think there has been enough time yet, really.

 

Like I get the impression that a typical knee-jerk perception of a man with two women is perceived like the man is indulging. Whereas a typical knee-jerk perception of a woman with two men is that the woman is being degraded.

 

And I wonder if that influences things at all?

 

Yeah, I think it's the double standard thing. A lot of men just get turned off by things like this that women do. It's just the thought/image itself of it that just becomes an instant turnoff. I suppose it's a psychological thing in men, while women have their own psychological things that they look for in a partner that doesn't make sense to some guys.

 

lol and when I've stated my opinion in the past about some topics I've gotten really nasty messages from people on here.

[Danda]

Yeah, I think it's the double standard thing. A lot of men just get turned off by things like this that women do. It's just the thought/image itself of it that just becomes an instant turnoff. I suppose it's a psychological thing in men, while women have their own psychological things that they look for in a partner that doesn't make sense to some guys.

 

lol and when I've stated my opinion in the past about some topics I've gotten really nasty messages from people on here.

 

Well of course it's a double-standard, but I am still curious as to where it comes from. Even when I don't like or agree with something, I am still open to hearing out the person's reasoning / thought process and understanding where they are coming from. But often I find that people don't understand their own feelings and where they come from. Then it becomes like an itch I want to scratch lol. So I start theorizing.

 

I guess it could also simply go back to basic natural instinct, like some very deeper primal psychological thing for males, as far as wanting to ensure that offspring are theirs. So if that's the case then maybe the image of other males mating with a prospective females translates to "the offspring could be his" which translates to "go with another option for better chances of the offspring being yours" which, by the time it emerges to the conscious surface, is just "this turns me off". Heh.

 

Modern society really is stacked against thousands of years of human evolution. It never surprises me and I often notice it when society has forgotten this, and we see how tricky it is trying to remain connected with nature yet rise above it at the time. Both are good things but damn it's complicated lol.

[Omei]

I always make it rule to just speak lightly about past relationships and will be will open book on all questions but any single sex ive had I dont think I would ever share with a partner as those moments were not significant in my life and some things are just better left untold I feel like it would just cause strain or judgment.

 

I think it's a good rule to have.

 

Vise versa too, I will ask a boyfriends about his past girlfriends I like knowing their story and past but I never dare ask for a sex count or ask more and beyond the ex girlfriends.

Edited December 12, 2014 by Omei

[Gloria25]

Men, generally, cannot handle the information. I am getting the idea from the responses here that women handle the situation much better than men, in general. There are some who are turned off by the idea but that can be expected as well.

 

Uh, men can't handle knowing what? That she had a FMF or a MFM? I don't know, I'd be more concerned about a woman or a guy having a MFM.

 

But still, like others said, I'd have to know "why" they did it, and if that's something they intend to keep up with now. I'm not into the whole "swinger" thing.

[Jules Dash]

Uh, men can't handle knowing what? That she had a FMF or a MFM? I don't know, I'd be more concerned about a woman or a guy having a MFM.

 

But still, like others said, I'd have to know "why" they did it, and if that's something they intend to keep up with now. I'm not into the whole "swinger" thing.

 

 

I think men in, in general, have a problem knowing that the woman they are dating had a MFM situation. Coincidentally, I was out with a woman tonight and she has been telling me about her best friend who has been having a tough time with her husband who she has been with for 20 years. They have 3 kids and this guy just never spend time with his wife but treats her otherwise well. He doesn't have sex with her but is an excellent father. He often does not come home at night. She revealed to me tonight that they actually had a threesome together with one of his friends back when they were in college., Apparently, there were many arguments over this initially over the years because he was hurt that she actually went through with it. I told the woman that I bet you that it still affects him to this day and that is probably the major issue for him. He never got over the fact that his wife once slept with him and his friend. It sounded good on paper until they actually went through with it but she thinks he just enjoying a privileged life of someone who gets away with every thing. I think he just can't handle the fact that his wife had a threesome, especially one that involves one of his old friends. I don't think women react this way to knowing that their man once had a threesome. Some do but I think it is the minority of women.

[Emilia]

I am just interested in how women view men who have had threesomes in the past. We always hear about what men think about their partner having a threesome in the past but rarely do we hear about how women feel about their partner being involved in a threesome so when she asked me about this, I got the idea to start this thread in order to find out.

 

Men, generally, cannot handle the information. I am getting the idea from the responses here that women handle the situation much better than men, in general. There are some who are turned off by the idea but that can be expected as well.

I fluctuate between wanting to feel that the guy had had his fill and enough experience to be less curious and thinking that maybe if he is adventurous, one woman will never be enough for him.

 

I've had different conversations over the years, some men were still into it, others said they had done it but found it difficult to satisfy two women simulataneously. None of them admitted to MFM from memory, it's always been about FMF. Dunno, don't have a very strict view on it. I've never done anything like that myself and probably never will.

 

I know personally I feel that having more sexual experience has calmed me down but I suspect with men that's more about testosterone than anything.

 

Who knows.

[Standard-Fare]

I don't think it's been clarified who initiated the subject of threesomes in the first place. (Or possibly I missed i.t)

 

OP, if you were the one initiating that convo, that would be a definite suggestion to your date that you remain interested in threesomes in the present, and might be hoping she's on the same page. It comes across as: "I'm experimental, what about you?" Whether or not that was your intention.

 

I'm a woman, and I've actually had a threesome (FFM) myself but ... way back in the past, and it's not even on my radar anymore. Nor has it EVER come up in any conversations with guys I've dated. The only reason I'd ever think of mentioning it would be to lay the seeds for another threesome, which I'm not interested in at this point.

[NJ123]

I don't think it's been clarified who initiated the subject of threesomes in the first place. (Or possibly I missed i.t)

 

OP, if you were the one initiating that convo, that would be a definite suggestion to your date that you remain interested in threesomes in the present, and might be hoping she's on the same page. It comes across as: "I'm experimental, what about you?" Whether or not that was your intention.

 

I'm a woman, and I've actually had a threesome (FFM) myself but ... way back in the past, and it's not even on my radar anymore. Nor has it EVER come up in any conversations with guys I've dated. The only reason I'd ever think of mentioning it would be to lay the seeds for another threesome, which I'm not interested in at this point.

 

I think I'd be able to accept a FFM threesome WAY more than a FMM one. Like I said, the thought of a woman with 2 guys at the same time just grosses me out.

[JChristie]

there are all kinds of sexual practices out there. the key to relationship happiness is finding someone with compatible sexual practices.

that's why it is important to have this discussion at some point before you are in a committed relationship. otherwise, when it does come up, it often ends up making problems in the relationship.

PS. these days it is important to know the people you are sexually involved with. just a 10 second kiss causes an exchange of over 80,000 microorganisms between the two people. imagine all the organism sharing when you are fully naked and slathering all over each other!

[Perrier]

Each to their own, however this may be a deal breaker, unless it was something done up to early 20s when the guy could 'excuse' himself as 'not knowing better.'

 

It reeks of recklessness and I'd also be wondering if this desire could resurface while I'm with that person. I am old school and believe sex has consequences for all involved, which is why I'm cautious with what I do.

 

I've been called backward, dated, prudish, etc, and these name callers could be right. However I'd rather save my sexual juice for more meaningful interactions.