Jules Dash Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 I always see posts about guys torn up about learning that their girlfriend has slept with two men in the past but I haven't really seen any asking women how they feel about their boyfriend having slept with two women in the past. It doesn't bother me to know that my girlfriend has slept with two guys in the past at all. I was just asked about my experience with two women by a woman I am dating and she went silent after I gave her my answer. I then realized that I don't think I ever have been asked this question by a woman before. If I have, I don't recall it. I was really into this woman but I get the feeling that she may be shaken up by this. Either way, it's is a part of me and I can't change my past so if this is a turnoff to her, I will just accept it but I am curious to know how other women feel about this.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 How old are you, OP? If a guy around my age (30s) told me his number was only two, I would be surprised. It's not a bad thing at all, only a bit of a rarity. I think a woman's reactions to your numbers will depend largely on her and your ages.
Toodaloo Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 I am not worried. I am worried if he has an STD or is sleeping with other women at the same time as me. Other than that, your past is your own, as long as I am your future that is all I am bothered about.
Winterina Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 I always see posts about guys torn up about learning that their girlfriend has slept with two men in the past but I haven't really seen any asking women how they feel about their boyfriend having slept with two women in the past. It doesn't bother me to know that my girlfriend has slept with two guys in the past at all. I was just asked about my experience with two women by a woman I am dating and she went silent after I gave her my answer. I then realized that I don't think I ever have been asked this question by a woman before. If I have, I don't recall it. I was really into this woman but I get the feeling that she may be shaken up by this. Either way, it's is a part of me and I can't change my past so if this is a turnoff to her, I will just accept it but I am curious to know how other women feel about this. It doesn't matter to a mature person. 1
BluEyeL Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 In a way, I'm like a guy who doesn't want to have a serious relationship with a "loose" woman. I judge men by the same standards and I don't think they're "allowed" to be promiscuous any more than women. I wouldn't probably bail on a man I really liked for that reason, but I wouldn't be thrilled. The lower a man's number in general and the more conservative in his sexual choices, the better for me. 1
Author Jules Dash Posted December 11, 2014 Author Posted December 11, 2014 Sorry for the misunderstanding. I meant "two women at the same time." In other words, she asked me if I had threesomes in the past and I told her yes, I have. I am not looking for advice on how to handle this situation. She can either accept my sexual past or not (I am in my 40s). I just want to know how women generally view a man who has slept with two women at the same time.
nofeelings22 Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 Sorry for the misunderstanding. I meant "two women at the same time." In other words, she asked me if I had threesomes in the past and I told her yes, I have. I am not looking for advice on how to handle this situation. She can either accept my sexual past or not (I am in my 40s). I just want to know how women generally view a man who has slept with two women at the same time. Are you sure YOU want a woman so closed minded and prudish as to think a 3some you had in the past is a problem? Be thankful she filtered herself out for you. 2
Toodaloo Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 Sorry for the misunderstanding. I meant "two women at the same time." In other words, she asked me if I had threesomes in the past and I told her yes, I have. I am not looking for advice on how to handle this situation. She can either accept my sexual past or not (I am in my 40s). I just want to know how women generally view a man who has slept with two women at the same time. Lucky I guess? Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. As long as he is no longer sleeping around and is only interested in me, isn't going to give me any STD's or sleep around. I don't care about past women. Whats the point? They are in the past for a reason so why should I worry? I don't need detail I just need to know I am the only one. In some ways its nice to know that all of that is "out of your system" if that makes sense. Shows that you can be a bit creative and its not going to be all Sunday morning 10am missionary for 5 minutes for the next 20 years even if you are with the same woman. Threesomes are rubbish anyway. You can never tell whos bits are where unless you sit back and watch instead which is hardly the point... Don't worry about it. If she is worth her salt she will be more interested in your future sex life with her than your past. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 I think it would depend on the man. If I met a really great guy with whom I had mad chemistry and a wicked connection, whatever he (or I) did in the past is exactly that...the PAST. I mean, as long as he's not expecting an open relationship or one that includes a third person be it male or female, I'm fine with whatever he's done. Sex is about fun and exploration after all. Often times men and women end up doing "crazy" things if only to check them off their sexual bucket list or get it out of their system - been there and done that. It doesn't necessarily mean they're seeking these kinds of experiences on a full-time basis or want it to be part of a LT relationship. As long as sexual exploration (whatever it is) is mutual and doesn't come at the cost of hurting other people, there is no reason to judge anyone for them. We all have a past of some kind after all. 2
BluEyeL Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 Sorry for the misunderstanding. I meant "two women at the same time." In other words, she asked me if I had threesomes in the past and I told her yes, I have. I am not looking for advice on how to handle this situation. She can either accept my sexual past or not (I am in my 40s). I just want to know how women generally view a man who has slept with two women at the same time. I personally don't view it positively. 1
Standard-Fare Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 Nothing wrong at all with threesomes, but personally it would get my mind wondering if the guy expected me to participate in polyamorous activities like that in the future. (And just personally speaking, that would concern me a little because I need monogamy when I'm dating.) However, if it was clear that it was just a rare experimental thing from the past, I wouldn't worry about it one bit. OP, do you think you made that clear to this girl? (That's assuming that was your situation, and you're not expecting more threesomes.) 7
dreamingoftigers Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 I personally don't view it positively. I am not "prudish or cold" or whatever but it bothered me. A lot in fact. I felt it set me up for an expectation that I wasn't going to fulfill. I am not into that at all. I also took him less seriously for a relationship bevause I view sex as a connecting activity and he had more than a few threesomes. It made me feel like automatically I would never stack up to the "glory days." 4
BluEyeL Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 It would also matter if you tried it once and done or was that something to repeat? I'd be worried that it's a preference that can resurface. In general, I don't think the double standard is acceptable, i.e. sexually adventurous women are "sluts" but "boys will be boys". 2
Toodaloo Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 he had more than a few threesomes. It made me feel like automatically I would never stack up to the "glory days." If its a regular thing then yes that is off putting as it shows a complete lack of ability to connect... But one or two I am not going to worry about at all... Threesomes are never "glory" days - I think its more one of those things that sounds great but reality isn't so wonderful...
isisisweeping Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 I wouldn't even care a little bit. Past is the past. I'm concerned with present and future with a partner. 2
Hopeful30 Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 I typed out a completely different answer, but when I actually thought about it, I don't think I've ever been with a man who HASN'T been with two women, despite the fact that I am turned off by that idea. I think most women wouldn't like it, and myself I prefer that he hasn't, but like you said, past in the past and I never hold that against anyone. There are more important things to consider, such as his character, his heart and your relationship together (and not your relationship with his past).
Ruby Slippers Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 I would find it a turn-off. But if we had a great connection, I could overlook it. If he wanted more threesomes in the future, I wouldn't see us as being compatible. I think it's great that you're being up front about this, rather than hiding it. 3
Phoe Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 (edited) 2 is totally normal and fine. I wouldn't think twice about it if a man told me that. Edit: Oops. I see you meant 2 at the same time. I probably would be a bit put off by it. I'm sexually open, but likely would not be compatible with someone who has done that. I would never be okay with doing it, and being with someone who has done it, they might want it again and I could never let that happen. Just would not be compatible. I'm okay with almost anything sexual, except when it involves more than 2 people. Just not into sharing. Edited December 11, 2014 by Phoe 2
Danda Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 It will probably really just boil down to the person's views on sexuality in general, which is definitely an area where you want to be on the same page as your lover, anyway. I don't view sex as inherently bad in any way, nor do I think there's a threshold for "too much" sex, a minimum requirement on experience or very many "unacceptable" sexual experiences (no children, no animals.. that's about it?). Some people though apply thresholds, minimums, to number of times laid, to number of partners, to only certain sex acts, etc. I don't understand this at all but I respect it anyway. I'd just want a partner with the same views on sex as me. Double-standards to me are pretty much a sure sign of narcissism, so I don't care what the double-standard is or who they apply it to, the "special rules for me" mentality would be a deal breaker for me. Sex is only one topic to which the issue could apply. What I care about in a partner's sexual history: - Were you honest - Were you respectful - Did you hurt anyone / manipulate anyone - Were you safe (STDs and such) Because again to me sex isn't inherently bad in any way, but like with most things, it can be used in bad ways (emotional manipulation, rape/abuse, spreading disease, etc). I have known some people, though, that were raised in very conservative environments, or otherwise grew up with views that something like a threesome or too many sex partners is somehow morally wrong, and they felt very strongly about it. And I know they can't help how they feel, just like I can't. So again I think it's just one of those things where you just make sure you're on the same page early on in the dating process. 2
FitChick Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 I'd prefer a man who got all the fantasies out of his system, realized it wasn't what he wanted and now wanted to settle down with me. I'd want him to tell me everything he did, though, because I find stuff like that very entertaining. 4
Ruby Slippers Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 I'd prefer a man who got all the fantasies out of his system, realized it wasn't what he wanted and now wanted to settle down with me. I'd want him to tell me everything he did, though, because I find stuff like that very entertaining. Yes, I meant to mention that as well. If he tried a few wild things and had moved on to a been there, done that attitude - meaning, he didn't desire to continue them - that would make it more palatable as well. 3
genuinelyloverly7 Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 (edited) Oh wow! I actually thought you meant having been with two girls at one time! My reply was going to be "maybe he can bring them along on our next date?" Edited: Added. "okay, you DO mean a threesome. I would be glad I had found someone I connected with that shared a lifestyle choice of mine." Edited December 11, 2014 by genuinelyloverly7 I see... :) 1
d0nnivain Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 Sorry for the misunderstanding. I meant "two women at the same time." In other words, she asked me if I had threesomes in the past and I told her yes, I have. When I was younger that kind of information bothered me & made me feel insecure, like I wasn't good enough because the guy wanted somebody more experienced & wilder than me. Now, years later, of course I am more experienced but I still don't have nor do I want that kind of experience. I'm also more confident in my own skin. First, I probably wouldn't ask. Second, if I found out, I'd probably indignantly ask, "You don't expect me to do that?" If that was part of the mix for the guy, it would be clear to me that we were not compatible & that would be the end of that. If he brushed it off as the adventures of youth, I'd probably have some more in-depth health Qs but otherwise wouldn't care. Being me, I'd probably start a debate about a 3-some with 2 women vs. 2 men.
dreamingoftigers Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 I wouldn't even care a little bit. Past is the past. I'm concerned with present and future with a partner. That's why it would concern me. I find it weird that what would apply in a range from petty theft to assault to murder just doesn't seem to apply to people's sexual history. Am I going to reject a potential partner over a shoplifting incident they did at 15 where they got banned from the mall for a year and they decided never to shoplift again? No. I mean I did know at 15 that it was a really stupid, immature thing to do. But I also know that I did immature things (and do some from time to time, not shoplifting etc. though). Would I reject a potential partner over being a repeated shoplifter who was 35 and had had a dozen or so shoplifting incidents over the last ten years, including a couple of arrests. Yes. Yes I would. I would not date that person. Is it because shoplifting is the biggest deal? No. But seriously, they are clearly someone that is willing to die on their sword to do it. Not great partner material. Not great role-model for kids material If the person was 65 and hadn't shoplifted in the last 30 years, different story. But have they just gotten better at it? The past has significance. 1
central Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 I've had some FMF threesomes and enjoyed them, and she's had some MFM threesomes and enjoyed them. We're both open to more in the future, but in no way expect or need them. If I were ever to date someone else (at my near-retirement age, I hope to never return to the dating pool), it wouldn't be an issue to never have another, but neither would I say no if it were offered.
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