blackwingedbeauty Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 I'm gonna try to keep this short.. so last year I filed for divorce. At least 8 years of our 11 year marriage was me being lonely and him finding other women to stroke his ego. Well I had finally had it. Although he swears up and down he never had sex outside of our marriage, he failed to see how his emotional affairs were just as bad as sexual affairs. Moving forward, I wanted the marriage over so I told him to leave. Just a few months in, I was so depressed and begged him to come back, he refused. The begging and refusing went on for about 3 months. At the end of the 3 months I got smart and realized it was over. I filed for divorce. Then, 4 months later, I met an amazing guy. I could talk about it forever but basically I felt like God made him just for me and me for him. Our friendship seemed perfect for the next 5 months.. then my not quite ex husband came crawling back. You see, for almost a year he never completed his part of filing his documents for the divorce, always making excuses, losing paperwork... working late... it was at that 5th month mark of getting to know my new Beau that I knew it was about to get serious and I needed to not be married. I really wanted to date him and not just talk about our lives and futures on the phone like teenagers. I proceeded with the court house without my husband's documents. The court house contacted him to let him know divorce documents were filed against him and he had 30 days to respond. He flipped out and begged me to take him back. A few weeks prior, i knew it was something I would never do, but it was hard to watch him cry. He confessed his undying love for me and said he would change. Well stupid me, I believed him. I did still care about him and we have children together. I talked to my new Beau about my dilemma and he urged me to fix my marriage. My next mistake was taking his advice.. I didn't love my husband anymore but I felt sorry for him, for our failed marriage. I fell in love with the new guy and failed to see his pain as he coached me through my messy relationship with my husband. NOW the worst part is I'm back in a marriage I want nothing to do with, I've told my husband so many times but he feels our marriage can be salvaged. My old Beau has moved on as well and that hurts the most. I don't know what to do. I am depressed and think about the potential love I have lost all day long.
Satu Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 You know what your mistake was. Learn from it and do what you have to do. I won't even say what it is - you know that already. Good luck.
Author blackwingedbeauty Posted December 11, 2014 Author Posted December 11, 2014 I really don't know which is why I'm here asking for help or advice . More icing on the cake is the "other guy" is a long distance away.. sometimes I think of him as a rebound and quite possible the main reason I can't get right with my husband. I think about him all day and night, it's painful, but I can't get over him. He even recently told me his new girl is just like me.i wanted to punch him through the phone! Then I go back home to my husband and we don't even talk.. at all. He only came back once he found out I was dating again. I think he just doesn't want someone else having me.i just want to be alone someone's too and forget about them both. I'm a wreck..
StalwartMind Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 Your hope that things would be better with your husband again had a stronger hold of you than thinking with a clear mind. No matter who you are or how dearly you wish for things to be salvaged or fixed, more often than not humans quickly fall back into the same old habits of only putting in minimal effort to maintain something. You are not the first and won't be the last that made the "wrong" choice. As great as the other guy was who is now with someone else, there is someone just as amazing out there. People constantly make illogical priorities, even the most kind and "perfect" appearing ones. It's fine to make mistakes as long as you learn from them, much like Satu said. Don't beat yourself up over this entire situation you are, nothing good will come of it, however do understand it's alright to currently be a wreck, even if it does not feel good. It is now your job to slowly rebuild your ship so you can sail out of the ocean of misery. There will be a lot of navigation to avoid a crash course but you can do it. Take your time to heal, stop thinking about "what ifs" and don't let anger consume you. I know that everything may seem hopeless and lost at moment but it's just a veil of deception your mind has created. The sooner you start welcoming positive thoughts, the easier it'll be to deal with the negative ones, until you can rid them entirely.
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