ExGF Texted my Mother,Just to pull me back in hell

[Closetotheedge]

Some of you guys may know my story with my ExGF, like @DownTown

 

she has depression, and is a Boderline (she gos to the psychiatric every week)

 

she broke up with me 6 months ago, saying she didn't love me, in fact never really loved me, and didn't have any more attraction towards me, and wanted to meet another people

 

she said really hurtful things to me, and since then, i kept my NC, never breaking up,i kept my self respect.

and she didn't gave me any breadcrumb as well.

 

But today, out of the blue, she spoke with my mom by facebook

 

saying :

 

"i'm sorry to have blocked you [my mom]. but i could not stand the possibility to see in your facebook a photo of close(me), with another woman,"

wich my mother replied (without my Knowledge, she only told me later)

"he don't have "another woman", far as i know, you broke up with him, i think he still likes you"

 

and my ex said

"i really miss you 2, i'm very confused,and i'm very sad these days, i'm praying for you 2 and for me as well, and please, don't let he see the hobbit alone [i'm a big tolkien fan]

go with him, and please, don't say that i spoke this to you"

 

 

so, what i take from this?

 

i'm mean, i was really getting over her, i was really over the fact that she left me, i was ready to move on to another girl, i was feeling good about myself

 

but know, i'm back to HELL, to square 1, i'm even considering breaking my NC and reach her.

 

she just destroyed my resolve with this exchange with my mother

 

and why drag my mother into this mess, really?

 

and since my mother really likes her, she's now urging me to try talking to her

 

i mean, if she really didn't want anything with me anymore, would not be a big deal to see me with another girl.

 

if this possibility pains her, she still feel something for me maybe

 

or is just her ego?

 

i don't know what to do, i tought i was ready, but here i'm

i really need a wake up call from you guys

Edited December 11, 2014 by Closetotheedge

[Satu]

You said it yourself:

 

"ExGF Texted my Mother,Just to pull me back in hell."

 

No contact, no contact, no contact.

[EgoJoe]

Ignore ignore ignore. If she's borderline the other dude left. People are objects to them.

[Danda]

I say stay No Contact.

 

People with BPD suffer from what is often called splitting or black/white thinking, so if she genuinely has BPD, she is riding a pretty crazy/painful rollercoaster right now in which sometimes she totally ****ing hates you and never wants to see you again, and sometimes she feels that she loves you to death and is panicking and desperate about trying to make sure she sees you again.

 

So sometimes like with the conversation with your mother, when she has fallen into the 'white' half of the splitting towards you, it can be extremely tempting, but inevitably it will switch back to the 'black' and she will hates you ever loving guts again and say a bunch of really cruel **** and it will be bad.

 

If you really care about her, let her experience her aloneness and continue to work on herself in therapy. If she really has BPD, she just about needs to be truly alone so that she can finally face some of her feelings and issues and try to heal/grow.

 

If you break NC then you will be temporarily soothing her issues, she won't be healing / getting better, then she will fly off the deep end, hurt you all over, etc. Endless cycle.

 

If you can't stay NC for yourself, then try staying NC for her, if you are having a case of the feels for her hit you out of left field. NC is healthy for both of you, period.

[Chatmonkey]

There is a high chance that you will get hurt again... Please don't do this! You do not want to have to start from the beginning

 

Keep moving forward. You know it is the right thing to do!!

[lolablue17]

Because she is selfish!

 

She really felt bad bout blocking your mother and needed to explain, while she doesn't give a damn about your feelings. when she has the choice to get a tiny benefit for herself, knowing it can major hurt you, She will always choose her tiny benefit. No dilemma. that's how she "care's about you".

[Closetotheedge]

it was very hard, but i managed to keep the NC

you guys are totally right, if i give in bow, all my progress will be undone, and even her progress in dealing with the consequences of her actions

 

thanks again, this forum is really saving me

[Chi townD]

Keep yourself strong, dude!

[PegNosePete]

Tell your mother that you're not interested in having any contact with her, and you'd appreciate if she didn't share details about your life with your EX.

[lauri]

So what does her messages mean? It means she was snooping around for information and trying to play the "victim" card. How about her taking ownership for her actions and accepting what the consequences are?

 

She makes it seem like she is the one who is "suffering" due to the decision and that she needs to protect herself. In her mind, she believed you found someone new because you aren't talking to her, that you don't care and that you moved on (this burned her and she is showing signs of this bothering her). This was all working until your your mom (unintentionally) gave your ex girlfriend a ego boost. Why does she think this? Because she probably did the same to you when she broke up (had a guy waiting in the wings).

 

"I think he still likes you" tells your ex that 1) You talk about her at home 2) You're sad without her 3) You're not over her. Next time ask your mom to not respond or tell her things like this because it actually hurts you rather than helps your cause.

 

Also, now that she views you as someone who is depressed and alone, she has the nerve to suggest your mom goes with you to a movie so you aren't alone???? Wtf? Would've been perfect if your mom said "Oh, he's doing fine without you and he already has a smoking hot and beautiful girl to go with."

 

Please don't let your mom pressure you into talking to her. She probably comes from a different era, was raised different and has a different mentality (like my mom) to the girls today. She means well but I don't think she realizes fully how some people are in today's society (loyalty is very rare now). You're doing great man...don't let this set you back. Time for you to prove to your ex that you're going to do great w/o her...take a cute girl to the movie with you and enjoy yourself.

[veggirl]

Ask your mom to block her.

[Itspointless]

Unfortunately their are some things we can never explain to close family-members as they haven't been there with that person themselves.

 

If she has strong bpd traits, you never will have a normal relationship with her and likely will come in a similar situation down the line. So it is best to continue your journey to feeling good without her.

 

Stay strong, as you are.