sober and dry Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 Expecting pure misery. Me 2. But in 8 years I never spent xmas or new years with my ex, so in theory, it will not be that different at all:confused:
Woodbridge Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 It's definitely a bittersweet feelings, this will be my first Christmas of two without celebrating it with my ex and same thing on New Years. But At least you will be home and hopefully you have an army of people that will love you and make you feel amazing. But boy do the flashbacks and memories when they hit you they honestly hit me personally like a freight truck. I feel like complete utter disgust and a complete emotional wreck. But keep strong! things will get better. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 This is the 1st holiday season I have actually felt like celebrating. For the past 3-5 years, all I could do was cry. I share that to tell you it does get better & you will survive. My depression wasn't over a break up but my parent's illnesses. First there were the 2 Chirstmases where I walked through the Mall in tears knowing there was nothing I could get my mom to make her have a good holiday because her Alzheimer's was so bad she wouldn't remember. Then she passed & I had to try to cheer up my dad for our 1st Christmas without her. Then he passed & I was all alone. This is, therefore, the 1st year in a while that I have even been willing to try to get into the spirit of things. Find something that is good & pure which brings you joy. Focus on that & remind yourself that as bad as right now may be, this too shall pass. 2
amaysngrace Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 I love this time of year! I love Christmas lights and Christmas trees and having to stay inside to stay cozy and cookies and seven fishes dinner and family and everywhere I go I'm drinking a cocktail to ward off everybody's germs and carols and presents and most of all... Jesus
Author Zzyxx Posted December 13, 2014 Author Posted December 13, 2014 Ah fawk. So I was with you guys and thinking maybe X-mas wouldn't be so bad after all, and then after a 12 hour flight I get home and find that my PS3 has fried itself and I don't currently have the time or money to get it fixed. So there goes my access to Netflix and all the violent video games and things I was going to do/watch/play to get my mind off of her haha. So, for the rest of the bitter Betties, such as I, here is this germ for us : But seriously, I also can't really stand all those couple commercials. A) it's like the products they're peddling usually suck and B) If Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon can break up good luck Kristen and Dax But thanks Donn, you are right. Even though my Mom and I won't really be celebrating too heavily, at least we have each other. And if there is no Netflix and PS3 there is always vodka hahaha
Liz0800 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 hi, I feel the same. It's hard as lots I know have big families about and then there's little old me. I do have somewhere to go and will do so. I've just been dumped 4 weeks ago. I feel sad and glum. I m better alone but then I need to be with a few friends. But I don't want to drag them down but I feel low. So it's a bummer. Millions of people have no one. You have your mum. You have you too......you are important. It's another day. Millions of people find it horrible and stressful too, I think more than the happy ones. So watch television, eat nice food, be warm take the pressure of you in conforming. This is you right now....who said it should be NY other way. It's your unique journey. Love n hugs Lx
d0nnivain Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 But thanks Donn, you are right. Even though my Mom and I won't really be celebrating too heavily, at least we have each other. And if there is no Netflix and PS3 there is always vodka hahaha You're welcome. I don't know much about video games but maybe you can find a cheap used one on e-bay or something. Since you went home, do you have any old friends from high school or growing up that could distract you?
QueenVic Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Somehow, this year will be the first Xmas/New Year I've been single since 2007 (pretty much since I first started dating) and I'm finding it quite tough at the moment, but I'm hoping to focus on me and surround myself with family and eat loads and pray that does the trick.
carhill Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I can't bring myself to be happy or celebrate, and since it's just me and my Mom I don't really have a reason to. Don't even get me started on New Years. It'll be interesting to re-examine that opinion once your mother is gone. IME, since I was single for much of my life other than when I was married for a decade or so, I've always been a sponge for holiday cheer and never really felt any holiday depression or sadness other than in 2010 when my divorce was final and my mother died about a month apart. That holiday season was probably an all-time low but hasn't been revisited since. Monday I'll start on a Christmas present for my best friend, fabricating him a completely new outdoor cooking grill for his RV and he's promised me a special Christmas breakfast when it's finished and I hit the beach where we all generally go at the holidays. To me, that's what Christmas has been, historically. Partners and wives come and go but good friends are forever, at least until one or the other dies which, yup, has become more common as I've aged. Enjoy the now. So soon it's gone. 1
Author Zzyxx Posted December 14, 2014 Author Posted December 14, 2014 It'll be interesting to re-examine that opinion once your mother is gone. IME, since I was single for much of my life other than when I was married for a decade or so, I've always been a sponge for holiday cheer and never really felt any holiday depression or sadness other than in 2010 when my divorce was final and my mother died about a month apart. That holiday season was probably an all-time low but hasn't been revisited since. Monday I'll start on a Christmas present for my best friend, fabricating him a completely new outdoor cooking grill for his RV and he's promised me a special Christmas breakfast when it's finished and I hit the beach where we all generally go at the holidays. To me, that's what Christmas has been, historically. Partners and wives come and go but good friends are forever, at least until one or the other dies which, yup, has become more common as I've aged. Enjoy the now. So soon it's gone. No, I'm definitely happy to be with my Mom, don't get me wrong, I just meant she's not exactly the holiday cheer type either, so it's kind of just like the two of us being bah humbigish, not that I mind. I'm happy we have each other.
d0nnivain Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 So watch the Grinch & your favorite version of A Christmas Carol. Growing up one of my favorite Christmas traditions used to be leaving the party with my cousin on the grounds that somebody forgot something & we had to go get it. 1
Author Zzyxx Posted December 25, 2014 Author Posted December 25, 2014 (edited) So happy holidays friends! Though I know I didn't sound terribly optimistic in my original thread, in the end I was getting quite enthused about spending time with my Mom and just letting good food and egg nog get me through. While grateful to spend time with Mom, unfortunately she wasn't feeling well tonight, so she went to bed really early, so I'm on my own watching the Yule Log on cable tv and drinking egg nog (not a complaint). What IS, is that tonight is actually 5 months on the dot (miscalculated on a different post, but absolutely today is the day on the date) that ex dumped me, and while looking up a name of a facebook friend with similar initials, facebook popped up her name where I saw a nice new profile pic of her celebrating with her new gf (didn't block her since I'm more than happy to go NC, and she doesn't give a crap about me so she never contacts me), so yes, happy X-mas indeed. Now I see why this is the highest suicide time of the year. Haha, and now the one that got away, love of my life ex, the only other one I've loved besides most recent ex that I'm mourning, has wished me a merry and X-mas and stuff. Yeah seriously, the holiday season can suck it. Not even yule log can save me now. Edited December 25, 2014 by Zzyxx
sdg Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Yeah I started seeing my ex on the 15th of December last year, weird to think almost a year later I'm single again...never thought I would be. Same thing happened to me. Met my ex shortly before xmas. Went out of town for xmas/nyrs and all I could think about was her. we had a wonderful spring/summer but ultimately broke it off this fall. We still hang out often (like yesterday), but its still lonely around the holidays...
welshbambi Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Today is exactly a month since The One turned said I wasn't for him (in a nutshell). There has been NC for almost all of it bar 2 messages from me in the first couple of days. I THINK I would have been OK had it not been for finding out that he slept with a girl the night before Xmas Eve and was telling all his friends how sexy she was and what an amazing kisser...all things he used to say about me. It's Christmas day with me now, almost at the end. I would say it has been kind of flat. Just me and my mum, we've had a nice time but I have generally just ignored Christmas and anything Christmas related. I think NY will be harder for me because, due to him having his kids over Christmas, NYE was going to be OUR special night. I am not going to lie and say my heart has not toyed with a "one night only" deal to him (I really miss the sex....and him, who am I kidding) but I know that I won't do it. And even if I offered it, he wouldn't take it and I would just look like an idiot. Anyhoo, I just keep telling myself it's one day, or if I find myself crying and feeling like my heart is going to burst with grief, that it will pass - just get through the next hour. It's all about getting through and not looking to the long term or the next milestone day. 1
Chin Up Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Haha, and now the one that got away, love of my life ex, the only other one I've loved besides most recent ex that I'm mourning, has wished me a merry and X-mas and stuff. Yeah seriously, the holiday season can suck it. Not even yule log can save me now. Hey, that's a win if you ask me. For them to send an unprompted greeting shows they are thinking of you after all this time! I'm way too old to still be playing video games, but whatever..they're fun and relaxing. I plan on playing "The Evil Within" most of the day. Nothing says Christmas like shooting zombies in the face LOL . 1
Author Zzyxx Posted December 25, 2014 Author Posted December 25, 2014 (edited) Anyhoo, I just keep telling myself it's one day, or if I find myself crying and feeling like my heart is going to burst with grief, that it will pass - just get through the next hour. It's all about getting through and not looking to the long term or the next milestone day. Totally true, wise words. My Mom and I have been pretty chilled as well, though some of her friends are coming over soon so I'm going to at least have to stop crying in front of the tv, and I think I'm gonna start on the egg nog soon haha. As for NY's, maybe you can do something really fabulous with your friends, or at any rate do something special for yourself. I had a super memorable NYE in Wales one year Hey, that's a win if you ask me. For them to send an unprompted greeting shows they are thinking of you after all this time! I'm way too old to still be playing video games, but whatever..they're fun and relaxing. I plan on playing "The Evil Within" most of the day. Nothing says Christmas like shooting zombies in the face LOL . Well it was on facebook, so I think it just showed up in her feed, but yeah, the thought was nice Also, no such thing as being too old! I think they did a study where VG are actually supposed to help you stay sharp as you age. Zombie shooting should definitely cure what ails you! Edited December 25, 2014 by Zzyxx Stuff didn't post the first time
welshbambi Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Totally true, wise words. My Mom and I have been pretty chilled as well, though some of her friends are coming over soon so I'm going to at least have to stop crying in front of the tv, and I think I'm gonna start on the egg nog soon haha. As for NY's, maybe you can do something really fabulous with your friends, or at any rate do something special for yourself. I had a super memorable NYE in Wales one year Unfortunately all of my friends are doing separate things with their husbands....and actually I think I want to spend it on my own. If I need to cry and wail like some demented fool, then I can. I see it as a chance to exorcise some of those demons. I am absolutely hopeless at hiding my feelings, and drinking is a no no if I want to keep any kind of handle on it, so in some ways allowing myself that one night to wallow might be the best thing all around.
RedButton Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 I'm way too old to still be playing video games, but whatever..they're fun and relaxing. I plan on playing "The Evil Within" most of the day. Nothing says Christmas like shooting zombies in the face LOL . Hey! That's like saying you're too old to listen to music or to watch movies! I'm 27 and plan on playing video games until I'm an old man with hair coming out of my ears. So long as you're having fun, don't sweat it (Besides a girl who plays video games is an instant positive to any man ) I had a nice Christmas day, even without family this year. I skyped my family yesterday to wish them a merry xmas and chat, then today went to church in the morning (it was a really nice day out too), then made myself a really nice lunch and watched a movie and had a cold beer in the afternoon. Planning to have a late Xmas lunch when I visit my family early next year. Started feeling down a bit in the evening, thinking of my ex, but I'm starting to pick up again now. Going to make dinner soon then relax with a cup of tea and build my empire in Rome Total War 2
Ganz7 Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 This will be the first Christmas without my ex in two years, and I feel like crap. I could care less about Christmas cheer. I'm going home for Christmas and I'm basically just going to eat with my Mom and watch tv. I can't bring myself to be happy or celebrate, and since it's just me and my Mom I don't really have a reason to. Don't even get me started on New Years. Does anyone else find their depression over a break up increasing this time of year? Hey, this is my scenario. I had to move back home because I had a fire in my appartment soon after my ex walked out on me (nothing suspicious though). My mum doesn't like Xmas anymore after my dad passed away three years ago. There are things you can do though. Meet up with friends, join maybe a meetup group in your area. I'm going out with a meetup group on New Years Eve. Meetup groups are single people who are not looking for dating but want to go out on Friday night for socialising and a drink and who knows maybe more. Try going for a run in the morning to get the endorphines kicking in to get you through the day. You'll get a real high that will make you more positive. Even talking to your mum about it might help in the sense it'll fire you both up but careful of this as it's a temporary high and you'll soon sink back to depression like I do. Chat to family and friends on facebook. This makes you realise you have a group of people that at least respect and like you. Spend time with your real friends and not the ex. The ex doesn't deserve your time. I know my ex is history. She still posts the same rubbish she did years ago. I look at my ex and think if she was that smart why did she stick with me for all those years - in fact, don't even wonder whether they did this or that.
Ganz7 Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Partners and wives come and go but good friends are forever, at least until one or the other dies which, yup, has become more common as I've aged. Enjoy the now. So soon it's gone. True! One of my mum's regrets was that she lost touch with her friends over the years. Always stay in touch and see your friends.
tampa1213 Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 yeah its been a month since me and ex have been over and it hurt being alone on christmas... this as well was my first christmas without my ex and it hurt knowing that he was somewhere else celebrating it with someone else. i literally stayed away from Facebook all day yesterday and today and just tried to keep myself busy. its hard knowing that he's spending it with someone else. but i just keep telling myself to just focus on myself. its hard trust me yesterday i went to sleep early because i didn't want to see or hear about anything. 1
phuqdithappened Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Yeah I feel like ****. Lost my ex last week. Don't have my kids or her in my empty home. Silence is golden they say.... not when it's to dark to see it I say
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 It gets better. We broke up early 2013, so last Christmas and this one I was without her. This year (almost 2 years since BU) wasn't that bad. So, I'd say you will feel better next time around. Just chalk this one up to recovery and don't put too much thought into it. It is what it is. Each one from here out will be better!! 1
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