joystickd Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 I'm dating someone right now. It's going good except the fact that I refuse to stay the night or move in with her unless we are married. I still stay at home with my family. I help them and it seems to be a problem. She hates the fact I'm at home. They don't like her they think she is manipulative. She is in a rush to get married. On either side it's like I have no independent thought. I say something to her and my parents influenced me or if I say something to them she influenced me. I just don't know what to do anymore. She feels like I'm more dedicated to my family than her but I spend most of my time with her and the only time I go home is to sleep. What do I do?
mammasita Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 I get not wanting to move in before marriage.....not many men think like that. Good for you. As far as not staying the night, what prevents you from doing that? Maybe a night here and there might get her to ease off on pushing marriage.
BlueIris Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 Decide your own life and politely and lovingly let interferers know if or when they overstep. They won’t realize that you make your own decisions unless it’s clear to them that you do. Maybe tell both that you care about/ love them, but you also care about the other, so you hope they can accept that and make adjustments. Ending up in a situation where your SO and family are in a power struggle is a nightmare. You’ll end up being a ping pong ball. It’s best to take care of that sooner than later.
Author joystickd Posted December 10, 2014 Author Posted December 10, 2014 I get not wanting to move in before marriage.....not many men think like that. Good for you. As far as not staying the night, what prevents you from doing that? Maybe a night here and there might get her to ease off on pushing marriage. I get the feeling once I do that she will be pushing for me to move in. I've learned that for a relationship to work a person must not let the relationship be the identity. Sometimes staying over causes that to happen. I'm one once you start really pushing and rushing I kind of lose the urge to do it. It makes you wonder why you are pushing for it and not letting it happen naturally
Author joystickd Posted December 10, 2014 Author Posted December 10, 2014 Decide your own life and politely and lovingly let interferers know if or when they overstep. They won’t realize that you make your own decisions unless it’s clear to them that you do. Maybe tell both that you care about/ love them, but you also care about the other, so you hope they can accept that and make adjustments. Ending up in a situation where your SO and family are in a power struggle is a nightmare. You’ll end up being a ping pong ball. It’s best to take care of that sooner than later. It's not really a power struggle on my family's end now they just see things that she says or does as red flags. She is the one that it's a threat to her that I spend time with them. I spend all my time with her and she says she has to pry me away from them.
BlueIris Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 Then you need to talk to her. She's not going to find many men without families, so she'd better get used to that.
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