ex girlfriends leaves, change completely,GIGS...!!!???

[hamid7]

Hello my dear friends

I try to summarize my situation with my ex-girlfriend.

Me and my girlfriend was together for 6 years. She was 18 and I was 20 when we first met.

Everything going on great for 6 years, I can’t recall any major fight or anything bad. I was always supporting her and she was too. But before the break up our relation is going to the next level and it eventually going to grow…. I was always supportive and a good boyfriend.

6 months ago (she is 24, me 26) she wanted to breakup out of blue. At first she uses fake excuses like problems and everything you know. But then she told me “I am changed”. Now I know all his excuses are fake because of her new relationship.

For the first 2, 3 months after the breakup she was still close we even have sex two times. But it doesn’t feel the same. She is not in the moment. I chase her a lot and beg her after the breakup. After 3 months she become got a new boyfriend which I tell later and post the status in Facebook. I initiate NC but never pass the 2 weeks. But maintain the LC. After her new relation I call her and congratulates her, she said it was nothing important and it is only 1 week (she lies I know they are together for at least 2 months). Then she start crying and won’t let me end the phone call. We talk about 2 hours. It is seems odd to me because now she has an official boyfriend. She was still contacting me occasionally after her new relation. Once she even ask for large amount of money, she says there is a problem at her work and she need it (due to the fact that her boss is her new boyfriend. Why she ask me for money?). I give her the money. She is still my Facebook friend and even add me in her new Instagram account.

 

She had a plastic surgery 1 year before breakup and buy a new car right before breakup. SHE CHANGED COMPLETELY after the break up cloths, friends, hobbies.

 

The other guy

2, 3 months before breakup she enroll in class whose teacher is mr.x . she was a little different when she talk about him. She talk about him, a little too much. And then 2,3 weeks after the breakup she calls me and said she was going to work for this guy in his office (she was very happy like it is a lifetime opportunity). Their friendship is grow and 2, 3 months after break up they become boyfriend and girlfriend.

1- SHE NEVER TOLD HIM SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND WHEN SHE IS STILL WITH ME.

2- He had girlfriend which dumped him. And after a week he get with my ex and make it official. I think he is showing.

3- After 2 months with new guy, she acted like a year old relation

Now I am in my third weeks of NC, and this time it is for real.

I really love this girl and want her back.

My questions:

1- Is she coming back?

2- Is it GIGS? ( due to age and breakup, and she left me for the new guy …)

3- Is it a rebound? Double rebound?

4- Should I continue my NC? Or what?

5- ….

 

Any opinion appreciated, thanks

[kp4633]

It is GIGS and you should stay away for a very long time. GIGS takes a very long time. Right now she thinks she is right and that things are getting bigger but in reality they are not. She needs to keep digging that hole until she hits rock bottom and then she will realize what she has done and the GIGS will be over. Then MAYBE she will come running back to you. By this time you will have moved on from the breakup (maybe not her but the relationship) which is a good thing since you can never repeat the past and at that point you need to figure out if you will be willing to taker her back or not.

 

Work on yourself and have patience my friend. Good luck to you.

[kp4633]

But she messed up big time and I would deeply consider not going back to someone who dropped you like that.

[Chi townD]

After she treated you like that, why would you WANT her back?!?!?!

 

 

Dude, she's been lying to you and the sad thing is, you KNOW she has! Dude, it was stupid of you to give her the money. That's probably money you're never going to see again!

 

 

Hard to say if it was GIGS or cheating. With the plastic surgery (which I speculate that YOU paid for...could be wrong) and the new interests and hobbies.

 

 

But, I have a feeling she was cheating on you. I mean, come on! Took his class, then out of ALL the students that took his course, he hires her? Tells him she doesn't have a boyfriend (that's a slap in the face to you) and the next thing you know, their dating! How convenient!!!!

 

 

Dude, you need to write this girl off! Time to heal and move on. I have a feeling she was with you just to get stuff from you and left when she felt she had someone she thought could offer more.

[hamid7]

thanks everyone for replies

 

i myself feel strongly that this is a GIGS, or at least i feel this way to make things easier for myself. and i know i cant help or convince her at this point and she has to learn it on her own.

 

i am on the way of healing up and moving on slowly.

 

 

i don't pay for her surgery, actually i always tell her that she doesn't need to have any, she was beautiful the way she was. she didn't tell her she is single, she is just not mentioned me. the money is never a problem for me, i always have money and she knows that. i just lend it to her out of curiosity, to see what happens. is she sink this low?! or she left loose ends?!

 

she is much more attractive now, and i know a lot of guys flirt with her at the end. i don't think she cheated on me when she was with me. MAYBE SHE FEEL GUILTY with the flirtation and then she breakup.

 

are there any of you actually believe in GIGS or it is just a made up think. i cant find any scientific proof for that. i just read about it on relationship sites. but it fit to my current position very good.

 

 

QUESTION:

i am (100%) in position that can ruin her current relationship and job TOTALLY ANONYMOUSLY.

should i do this?

if she has GIGS: is this going for her to realize sooner or become tragedy?

or just for the revenge?

Edited December 10, 2014 by hamid7

[Chi townD]

GIGS is to see if there's anything else out there. Hard to do that if she's being exclusive to someone else.

 

 

People with GIGS, you tend to see them doing things that are completely out of character for them. They party a lot. Drink when they never used to, experiment with drugs. Date a lot of different people and sleep with a lot of different people. Start dressing differently.

 

 

That's just to name a few.

[hamid7]

GIGS is to see if there's anything else out there. Hard to do that if she's being exclusive to someone else.

 

 

People with GIGS, you tend to see them doing things that are completely out of character for them. They party a lot. Drink when they never used to, experiment with drugs. Date a lot of different people and sleep with a lot of different people. Start dressing differently.

 

 

That's just to name a few.

 

 

i don't mention earlier, but i am from IRAN. things are diffrent here. partying, drinking, drugs and sleeping with guys are a little secret and taboo here. and the families are closer, she is still lives with her parents.

 

she is partying more lately, she even once told me after the breakup that i should invite her to my future parties. just like she loves to be in a party no matter what. and yes she is acting out of character, two of my friends randomly sees her lately and they say she changed her cloth and appearance completely.

 

but you are right about "exclusive someone". is it not applicable to GIGS?

 

 

i am not completely sure i want her back, i have big plans for my near future. i am her first EVERYTHING. i care a lot for her. i actually raise her, help her get her bachelor degree and .... for example she has her graduation ceremony in 2 months and i wish i could be there to see her accomplishment which i help a lot (with everything that happens, stupid of me).

I start this thread to know and try to analyse what happened and what happens. and i swear to continue this thread until the very end.

[dumbass2]

"QUESTION:

i am (100%) in position that can ruin her current relationship and job TOTALLY ANONYMOUSLY.

should i do this?

if she has GIGS: is this going for her to realize sooner or become tragedy?

or just for the revenge?"

 

Are you serious? Stay far away from her and move on and don't look back because it is NEVER going to work with her EVER because you even thought about this. You need to change this mindset ASAP before you even try to get into another relationship down the road.

[Kevin_D]

GIGS is to see if there's anything else out there. Hard to do that if she's being exclusive to someone else.

 

I think it depends. Some people can't stand the thought of being alone, so they instantly replace you with someone who is very different from you. The new relationship is fresh, more fun and less serious. They have less responsibilities and can experience new things without actually being single.

 

Not everyone wants to sleep around. Sometimes they just want to experience other kinds of relationships. I think GIGS always boils down to the same question:

 

"What if I realise, 50 years from now, that I wasted my best years with the wrong person, just because I was afraid? If I don't figure this out now, I will always regret it!"

 

I believe they think it's something they have to do, rather than something they want to do. Kind of like a veterinarian who has to put a wounded animal to rest. She thinks it's for the best, but to be able to handle the sadness of her actions, she becomes temporarily emotionally unavailable and avoids everything that reminds her of her past, hence the 180.

[Satu]

Its over.

 

The sooner that you fully realise and accept that, the better.

 

No contact.

[EgoJoe]

Egocentric narcissistic tendencies = GIGS . Some people need to meet rock bottom personally and experience some harsh life lessons. Let em go and you will be better off for it.

 

 

No contact, don't invite her to anything and ignore her at all times. Smirk at her if you can't avoid any interactions.

[hamid7]

"QUESTION:

i am (100%) in position that can ruin her current relationship and job TOTALLY ANONYMOUSLY.

should i do this?

if she has GIGS: is this going for her to realize sooner or become tragedy?

or just for the revenge?"

 

Are you serious? Stay far away from her and move on and don't look back because it is NEVER going to work with her EVER because you even thought about this. You need to change this mindset ASAP before you even try to get into another relationship down the road.

 

yea, i know it looks bad, very bad. maybe one day i just do it for my revenge ot give them both the taste.

[hamid7]

i am on my way to healing. her actions doesnt bother me anymore. and the outcome what ever it would be is not important.

 

she is start contacting one of my friends, i dont know why and i am not curious.

[hamid7]

she is acting strange. hot and cold strange. i think NC is the only way i have to go.

 

i don't know if this is related or not:

i dream about her in my sleep, usual stuff nothing special to remember.

but last week i dream that i stand in the corner of a room with lots of mirrors. she is running from a mirror to another and cant see herself in any of them.

 

 

OK guys. from your replies i assume that most of you believe in GIGS (not that if its apply to my case or not).

[SycamoreCircle]

You want this to be GIGS because that indicates she might return.

 

This girl has a long road ahead of her. It could be 10 years before she figures out who she is and what she wants.

 

You have to move on.

 

Know that you were very good to her. You did the best you could. Accept the reality that any time you pursue a romantic relationship with someone, you take certain risks. Those risks are increased manifold with people in their early to mid twenties. The brain is not even fully developed.

 

Read the NC guide. Follow it religiously. Talk to people close to you that care about you. Date yourself for a while. Take yourself out to dinner. Be good to yourself. Do something fun and new every week. Expand your horizons.

 

Ignore any breadcrumbs she may throw at you.

 

Things will get better. I promise.

[hamid7]

You want this to be GIGS because that indicates she might return.

 

i think you are right. the GIGS do make it easier. and the return part is hopeful.

 

i am going with it for now, both as an experience and to make things easier, i am kind of person who forget things and peoples easy. and i have big plans for future (immigration, starting my dr study,...).

she can be happy with her new muscular bodyguard:sick::sick:

 

actually she calls an hour ago, second times in my 3rd week of NC. it feels better not to answer.

 

i also met this gorgeous new girl lately in a hospital. she is lovely and seems more mature. we are now friends. but i am little scared to start a new relationship. she had a boyfriend that dumped her. she doesnt talk about it but i can feel that she is not get it out of her system just like me.

Edited December 12, 2014 by hamid7

[SycamoreCircle]

Let this experience educate you in future dating. Begin to look for qualities in women that suggest emotional stability, groundedness.

 

After getting burned by someone who is immature and emotionally irresponsible, you have the opportunity to become a seasoned detective of BS, personality disorders and red flags. And there's plenty of them out there: people unwilling to address the damage they've given and received over the years.

 

Let the hurt this woman caused you truly settle in. It is there. Don't feel you must just shrug it off. Deal with it. Let it hurt you. Read other people's stories here on LS. It will educate you in stewardship and defining boundaries for yourself. When those boundaries are strongly defined, your tolerance for this sort of behavior will take on new dimensions and hopefully you'll be able to avoid disruptions like this in the future.

[hamid7]

Let this experience educate you in future dating. Begin to look for qualities in women that suggest emotional stability, groundedness.

 

After getting burned by someone who is immature and emotionally irresponsible, you have the opportunity to become a seasoned detective of BS, personality disorders and red flags. And there's plenty of them out there: people unwilling to address the damage they've given and received over the years.

 

Let the hurt this woman caused you truly settle in. It is there. Don't feel you must just shrug it off. Deal with it. Let it hurt you. Read other people's stories here on LS. It will educate you in stewardship and defining boundaries for yourself. When those boundaries are strongly defined, your tolerance for this sort of behavior will take on new dimensions and hopefully you'll be able to avoid disruptions like this in the future.

 

thanks

 

i try to make a good experience out of my problems and come out a better person.

 

THANKS EVERYONE