Back with my first love

[TME808]

I don't usually ask others for advice, but I'm having a very hard time trying to decide on whether or not I should continue forward in my current relationship. Here's my story:

 

This girl and I started dating in high school. She was 15 and I was 16. We were each others first true love. We dated through the rest of high school, loved each other, and had a great time. I eventually went off to college and she was still in high school at the time. Unfortunately, I ended up cheating on her while at college twice. Looking back now, they were really bad mistakes that I still regret to this day because I hurt the girl that I loved. I told my gf once I saw her and she was devastated, but she stayed with me. We continued dating for another two years in college (at the same college, by chance, not by choice). During the last two/three months of our relationship, I could feel us drifting apart. So could she. We didn't go out and drink together at school, we went about a week in between hanging out, and all we really did was either have sex or fight, with moments of happiness.

 

So, about 6 months ago (beginning of June), she breaks up with me via text message. She explains to me in a long message that she feels single, the chemistry had disappeared between us, and all we did was fight anymore. She said it would be best if we broke up and I agreed. I had been a bad bf during the last few months, she needed someone who treated her better, and she was a truly amazing girl (sexy, smart, honest, and the most trustworthy person I know). I had broken her trust when I cheated on her and I couldn't really fix that.

 

We are both 21 now, btw. We stayed broken up for about 4-5 months. The first 3 1/2 months were all of summer. I was very busy with my new job and taking three summer courses, so I was able to keep my mind off of her and focus on myself for a while. After about 3 weeks of being single I began to meet new girls and live the single life. I ended up being sexually active with two girls over the summer, one for about 3 weeks. As I began to form this new relationship with my new girl the strangest thing happened; I got over my ex. I had heard from my new girl (very reliable source) that my ex had been going on a bunch of dates lately (seeing about 6 guys over summer). Btw, I was using the No Contact rule in order to help myself get over her, so i blocked her on facebook and maybe only talked to her three times during the break up (short convos). I was happy to hear that she had moved on and was meeting/talking to decent guys (from what I heard they were decent).

 

Then during the last week of August she contacts me asking if I blocked her on social media and if I was ever going to talk to her again. I had no reason not to talk to her, we had a mutual breakup for the most part that didn't end badly; I had even stopped talking to both of the girls from over summer because I wasn't really into this new girl, even though I was (hard to explain). I talked to my gf for a little while and we decided to meet up and hang out as friends. She comes over to my house. We hang out. We don't fight. We talk, we laugh, and enjoy each other's company. Later that night I walk her out and tell her that it was nice seeing her again. Once she leaves I realize that I'd love to get back with her again. She comes over the next night again..... we end up having spontaneous sex after hanging out for about 5 straight hours. She leaves in the morning and we kiss.

 

So we get back to school the following week for my last year of college and her junior year. We slowly keep talking and hanging out. We don't have sex for the next 2 1/2 months, instead we go out to eat together (on dates), go out drinking with friends and just enjoy each other's company.

 

Here's where the problem develops.... We eventually end up talking about what all happened during our summer. I told her that I heard from a friend that she had been seeing a bunch of different guys. She said that was true and that she had moved on from me about 3 weeks after we broke up. I went on to ask if she had sex with any of the guys and she told me yes, that she had sex with 3 of the 6 guys that she had been talking to over summer. None of the "relationships" worked out due to reasons I never care to know. I was very hurt when I heard that she had went from only having sex with me in her entire life to having had sex with 3 different guys over summer. I struggled to understand how she could do such a thing, so I asked her. She said that she had moved on and never ever thought that she would be back with me again. She went on to say that she wasn't slutty about hooking up with the other 3 guys, that she actually liked them and had gotten to know them. I believed her because she doesn't lie about anything, she would never cheat on anyone, and she's always honest with her words.

 

So, my question is: What in the world should I do? Any GENUINE/SINCERE opinions on the matter? I love this girl, I could see myself possibly marrying her. I don't know any of the guys who she was seeing and I'll probably never see them in my life (what she said), she is no longer in contact with any of them, and she spilled her heart out to me. She said that now that's she back with me, she can actually see herself living with me one day, marrying, and having a family. I was blown away but happy to hear that she loved me more now than before the break up. She actually promised me that I have nothing to worry about when it comes to the other guys or anyone in general, that I can trust her wholeheartedly. I'm not worried about trusting her though, I just don't know how I feel about her having sex with 3 other men so easily after our break up. Am I crazy to get back with this woman? Am I still hopelessly holding on to my first love or is this actually true love? I mean I love being with this girl and everything but it really hurts to know that she was intimate with others and now actually sees herself only being with me. I know I also had hookups and stuff over summer, but i can't seem to completely get over her sexual past because it feels like we just took a break. Over summer I had suspected that she had had at least two different sexual partners.

 

However, I have never had so much fun in my life as I did when I was courting her (for the second time) back at school. We have been dating since the beginning of October and I'm still struggling mentally over this issue. PLEASE HELP. LOVE IS SO CRAZY. Would y'all be able to get back and stay with this girl???

[lawbstar]

To be completely honest with you, it sounds like the only thing you are really worrying about is her having sex with other guys. However, you have had sex with other girls during your break too, and you even cheated on her before that, so I do not understand why you are so concerned about her having sex with other guys. Whatever you can do, why can't she do?

 

Other than that though, it sounds like things may work out as long as you can get over her having had sex with other people. I wish you the best!

[TME808]

I do believe that you're right. I need to learn to deal with the fact that she had sex with other guys, but this can be hard to do. I know, I'm being a complete hypocrite. How do I go about getting over her doing this? I don't know why it's so hard for me to do

[Elle1975]

Id say be glad she got it out of her system now rather than later, since you were 100% broken up. Getting with other men probably allowed her, and you, to be sure about your feelings for each other.

[No Limit]

So you cheat on her and want to marry her now? Oh dear...

Just get your jealousy in check before you become the controlling type and move on.

[TME808]

Its almost been a month since my original post and I'm happy to say that we are still together! We talked through our issues and decided that we love each other too much to part ways. Thanks for the input and I hope you all had a happy holiday.