Men late 30s+ is it a red flag is there relationships only lasted 1 year or less?

[Georgia2014]

The dating site I'm on over half the men have listed their longest relationship as 1 year and some under 1 year. These men are in their late 30s on up. Is this a bad sign?

[Chemist]

I don't think it is a bad sign. I mean maybe they know what they want. They give a girl a chance, it isn't it and they cut her loose... Don't waste anyone's time. At our age, three years with a girl near the end of her Child bearing years is a bit of a dick move.

[ponchsox]

It totally depends on the person and why. Some guys may have issues, some might have a lack of commitment, or some are just introverted. It wouldn't necessarily call it a bad sign. I'm 38 and my longest relationship was 1.5 years.

[sillyanswer]

The dating site I'm on over half the men have listed their longest relationship as 1 year and some under 1 year. These men are in their late 30s on up. Is this a bad sign?

 

What they've put in their profile might not always be accurate, but in cases where it is... it's only a bad sign if you're looking for someone who has already had experience of medium/long relationships. Is that what you're looking for? Why does someone need to have had a long relationship to be a good match for you? Are those who have had long relationships automatically qualified, by experience, to have whatever quality you think is lacking in those who have not? (those are probably rhetorical questions to help you find the answer to your question)

[M30USA]

Some men are like "noble elements" in chemistry. They are not highly reactive to other elements, do not bond frequently, and are not unstable in isolation.

[Emilia]

Yes of course it is a bad sign. It either means he is too emotionally unstable - as let's face it, women stick around for almost any guy forever, you have to be pretty bad for them to leave - or that they are too emotionally closed off.

 

I think it's your early 20s when it's easiest to have a relationship, not necessarily a good one but this is when people are the most open and even stay in one for too long. If he can't manage to have an LTR even then.....

[Emilia]

I don't think it is a bad sign. I mean maybe they know what they want. They give a girl a chance, it isn't it and they cut her loose... Don't waste anyone's time. At our age, three years with a girl near the end of her Child bearing years is a bit of a dick move.

I don't know any man that will 'cut a woman loose' out of consideration. If she is pretty, they are happy to string her along for sex as long as possible. No man thinks like this.

[somedude81]

33 and my longest relationship was six months.

 

I tried to be a great boyfriend but she suddenly dumped me. It had nothing to do with me, and all about her emotional issues.

 

Having a successful relationship requires two people to try. For some reson people always think it's the mans fault when a relationship fails. BTW, wasn't there a thread about that a while ago?

 

Yup, there it is

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/502901-s-always-man-s-fault

[ponchsox]

Yes of course it is a bad sign. It either means he is too emotionally unstable - as let's face it, women stick around for almost any guy forever, you have to be pretty bad for them to leave - or that they are too emotionally closed off.

 

I think it's your early 20s when it's easiest to have a relationship, not necessarily a good one but this is when people are the most open and even stay in one for too long. If he can't manage to have an LTR even then.....

 

So all guys who are in their 30's who haven't been in a relationship over 1 year is unstable? The women they were with might have something to do with it. Or maybe they are independent?

[Georgia2014]

I see is as a red flag because I am in my early 30s and my longest relationship is six years and I'm the one that ended it.

[Georgia2014]

So all guys who are in their 30's who haven't been in a relationship over 1 year is unstable? The women they were with might have something to do with it. Or maybe they are independent?

 

I never called them unstable I asked if its a red flag. Please re read my original post.

[sillyanswer]

I see is as a red flag because I am in my early 30s and my longest relationship is six years and I'm the one that ended it.

 

Fair enough, there's your answer.

[Chemist]

I don't know any man that will 'cut a woman loose' out of consideration. If she is pretty, they are happy to string her along for sex as long as possible. No man thinks like this.

 

Absolutes. Absolutes. :lmao::lmao: Someone's been played a few times I see.

 

And all women are idiots who pine after the guys with good looks and a bad boy attitude and wonder why they get strung along. Right?

[Georgia2014]

Absolutes. Absolutes. :lmao::lmao: Someone's been played a few times I see.

 

And all women are idiots who pine after the guys with good looks and a bad boy attitude and wonder why they get strung along. Right?

 

Bad boys are not relationship material.

[Diezel]

I don't know any man that will 'cut a woman loose' out of consideration. If she is pretty, they are happy to string her along for sex as long as possible. No man thinks like this.

 

Absolutes are very, VERY dangerous.

[Diezel]

I see is as a red flag because I am in my early 30s and my longest relationship is six years and I'm the one that ended it.

 

That could be a red flag to me.

 

It's all subjective.

[newmoon]

I never called them unstable I asked if its a red flag. Please re read my original post.

 

yes, it's a red flag. it could be for a variety of reasons that he never had a long-term relationship, but with longevity comes relationship skills - being able to work through issues, communicate through problems, weather difficult times together (perhaps a death), go on vacay together, etc. if the guy has spent minimal amount of time w/someone then he also won't have other skills that you acquire when you are w/people long-term. so, you'll be "training" to some extent because he'll need to learn relationship skills that he (potentially) hasn't experienced

[angel.eyes]

Depends.

 

If you're looking to date casually, I don't see it as an issue at all. If I'm at the stage where I'm looking to find someone to marry (my current stage), I'll proceed with caution and look at the overall picture. Is he a social hermit who's still living with his parents? Or was he focused on his education, career, and building a stable, full adult life with lots of hobbies and interests? There are many reasons why someone might not have a lot of dating experience. I'm fine with that if he has a wide social circle, long-standing friendships, and good relationship skills with me. We can see how it goes. IMO, he's a far healthier choice than the emotionally damaged person embittered by past experience who hauls an aircraft carrier full of baggage and negative views into the next relationship. Or the guy who sat in a dating relationship for 10-15 years through his twenties and early thirties until his GF finally gave up and walked away. The latter two were red flags for me, more so than the first scenario.

 

We all have different ideas regarding red flags.

[Redhead14]

The dating site I'm on over half the men have listed their longest relationship as 1 year and some under 1 year. These men are in their late 30s on up. Is this a bad sign?

 

How many relationships have you had that lasted less than a year? For the majority of the people who are dating, you will have a ton more shorter relationships than long ones for sure. It doesn't really matter how long a relationship lasted . . . you get to know each other and over time you find that that it just doesn't work. So be it. Just because they have had relationships that don't last forever, doesn't mean it might not be you that it works for with them this time.

 

If you are worried that their relationships haven't lasted longer than a year because they've been using women and then dumping them or something like that, you'd have to at some point just find out why those relationships didn't last. Maybe they've been dumped or they've done the dumping. There are a lot of maybies. Why worry about them, just date them and see how it goes for you.

Edited December 10, 2014 by Redhead14

[Diezel]

I'd consider it a red flag if someone thought the amount of years you spend with someone is necessarily a good thing.

 

I've seen way more people get stuck in 5 year CRAPPY relationships than 1 year relationships, AND vice versa.

 

Personally, my longest was 6 years long and yet, it wasn't my best relationship by far. It went on 3 years too long. Maybe even 4.

[GemmaUK]

For me, yep, that would be a red flag.

[Frank2thepoint]

Yes of course it is a bad sign. It either means he is too emotionally unstable - as let's face it, women stick around for almost any guy forever, you have to be pretty bad for them to leave - or that they are too emotionally closed off.

 

I think it's your early 20s when it's easiest to have a relationship, not necessarily a good one but this is when people are the most open and even stay in one for too long. If he can't manage to have an LTR even then.....

 

I don't know any man that will 'cut a woman loose' out of consideration. If she is pretty, they are happy to string her along for sex as long as possible. No man thinks like this.

 

Whoa, let's relax here a lit bit.

 

I've had four serious relationships, with my longest lasting a little over 10 months. My first girlfriend was not nice. Okay I'm sugarcoating it, she was a bitch. Very angry, very manipulative. Also I was young and dumb. I broke it off. My second girlfriend wanted to get married, but didn't believe in love. She was very unstable and manipulative. She threatened to have sex with some random guy in a club just because we had an argument. I broke it off. My third girlfriend was still in love with her ex, and didn't really know what she wanted to do with me. I broke that off too. My last girlfriend is very insecure and broke up with me over a small thing she blew out of proportion. Even the short flings I had (which I partook in because I wanted the companionship of a woman), I wanted more but couldn't get. I ended those too.

 

I've always wanted a serious relationship, and it seems the thing I want the most, I can't get. Most of the women I dated, and I was interested in, were unavailable for a serious relationship. These were women that made it past one date, lots of intimate conversations, flirting, yet they didn't have their sh*t together to invest in a relationship. I never dragged a relationship out, just so I can get my sexual fill.

 

So if there are women out there (such as you Emilia, Georgia2014, newmoon, and GemmaUK), that would label it as a red flag, and relegate me as undesirable, just because I never had the opportunity to date a semi-stable woman that I can have some form of LTR with, then those women are f*cked up in their thought process more than I thought. Holy sh*t, I can't believe a man is even judged for not being in a relationship for at least one year.

[angel.eyes]

Not to give you a hard time, but why are you ending up with semi-stable, manipulative, women? Not one decent relationship in over a decade despite substantial dating experience? There are lots of fantastic women (and men) out there. Is your picker broken when it comes to finding compatible women? What does that say about your ability to recognize a good dating option in front of you?

 

Just playing devil's advocate...

 

Anything can be viewed as a red flag.

[GemmaUK]

Whoa, let's relax here a lit bit.

 

I've had four serious relationships, with my longest lasting a little over 10 months. My first girlfriend was not nice. Okay I'm sugarcoating it, she was a bitch. Very angry, very manipulative. Also I was young and dumb. I broke it off. My second girlfriend wanted to get married, but didn't believe in love. She was very unstable and manipulative. She threatened to have sex with some random guy in a club just because we had an argument. I broke it off. My third girlfriend was still in love with her ex, and didn't really know what she wanted to do with me. I broke that off too. My last girlfriend is very insecure and broke up with me over a small thing she blew out of proportion. Even the short flings I had (which I partook in because I wanted the companionship of a woman), I wanted more but couldn't get. I ended those too.

 

I've always wanted a serious relationship, and it seems the thing I want the most, I can't get. Most of the women I dated, and I was interested in, were unavailable for a serious relationship. These were women that made it past one date, lots of intimate conversations, flirting, yet they didn't have their sh*t together to invest in a relationship. I never dragged a relationship out, just so I can get my sexual fill.

 

So if there are women out there (such as you Emilia, Georgia2014, newmoon, and GemmaUK), that would label it as a red flag, and relegate me as undesirable, just because I never had the opportunity to date a semi-stable woman that I can have some form of LTR with, then those women are f*cked up in their thought process more than I thought. Holy sh*t, I can't believe a man is even judged for not being in a relationship for at least one year.

 

 

 

Whoa!

 

 

Roll this back here!

 

 

Your choices are not a woman's fault, they are your own.

 

 

We all have carpy relationships - it's how we all learn.

 

 

Take responsibility for your own choices.

I do.

[Brooke02]

What difference does it make how long the relationships lasted, they all had the same ending right?

 

Your being too judgmental.

 

Its a yellow flag not a red one.