Lesbian relationship breakdown. Kids involved. Help!

[chelseamoon]

Hi all. Had to rewrite as was messy. I'm 28yr old f in a lesbian relationship almost 2 years. I have a 6yr old from a prev rel. My daughter and her get on amazing. All was great last year and a bit. We moved in together. 2 months after I got with her she had told me she wanted a baby and new a friend who would help. I couldn't deal with her sleeping with someone else so I ended it but stayed friends. She soon got pregnant after one quick sex with him(which she said made her sick) but really wanted baby, anyways I stuck by her and got back together, baby was born and a year later all was one big happy family.

 

We did have odd fights as she is always hard to talk with and uses that fact she's foreign as excuse even doh her English is fine. Anyways I decided I'd love another baby also for my daughter so I got fertility,.with her support and now 9month later had a boy. She was there. We were doing ok. But as baby was here it was hard for time together with all the kids and me tired.

One thing I must state about her is the last 6months of my pregnancy she was not cuddling me anymore, or it felt forced. I'd nearly have to kiss her first and romance wasn't strong.To be honest last year was kinda like that. I wanted but she just said I'm not into sex and all that like u all the time.

 

So i never pushed her but I liked to give her a kiss in morning or hold her if she didn't do first. So just this week we were fighting as she said my older child is acting like spoilt brat as she would not share her toys with her child & it's all about baby. I even asked a friend to mind so we could go out and she said nah I'm not bothered. I got mad and said talk to me please or this won't work. She just exnored me like a child so I went to bed. The next day she was in spare room with all her stuff and her child's stuff. I said what u doing. She said we're over I don't love u or fancy u anymore. I cried. She smerked and i said I love u let's talk she said I don't want to and exnored me while laughing with her child. I was so hurt she watched me cry and didn't care. A week later I respected she moved downstairs.

 

I tried to be nice but she had more intrest in her phone. I said do u hate me she said.no. I tried to talk again she crier and i said do u really not love me but she didnt answer just cry. I said u want to leave? She said i want to move out but i only stay for older child. She made me feel like ****. If she moved out she would have to stop work as i mind her child and we help half with bills.What i do so bad. One day I got a climpse of her phone as she had a pin put on since. I seen she had to my shock been writing to the guy who gave her baby. Although when baby was born she blocked him and told him he was doner and not seeing baby. And believe this because iv checked before.So i said why u write to him she replied.thats none of your business, where not together. U do your thing and i do mine.

 

I said do we even hang out anymore she shrugged.I'm so mad why she talking me like I'm a stranger. I don't no what to do I love her and hate this and iv told her she's broke my heart and our family. Iv been nice and that didn't work she just seems happy and not bothered by break up, and now at min I'm upstairs trying to not be around her only in eve when soaps are on (but i don't talk) how do I play this. Shes broke me. But I can't lose her.

 

I can't just forget someone she's going home abroad in 7 days for 2 weeks so this might help. If i cant kick her out what do i do to make living together easier and my heart better? So sorry this is so messy and long. Thanks for paitent reading and hope can make out what I write. Thanku

Edited December 10, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[almond]

You've already lost her - there is nothing to hold on to here.

 

Go NC. Ask her to find other living arrangements. Focus on yourself and being the best possible mother to your children. Let it go and move forward.

[preraph]

You need to kick her out. She's done, and she wasn't very nice about it. That man is the father of her child, don't lose sight of that. Could be he's attached or could be she's making him pay for child support unless she offered a contract ahead of time saying he didn't have to.

 

Get her out. Get on with being a parent. Sorry it ended that way for you.

[Toodaloo]

When people start hiding their phones/ emails etc and stop talking its not a good sign.

 

Personally I suspect she has someone else. It may be this donor or may not.

 

I think you need to start accepting that she is going to go. Be as civil as you can and let her leave.

 

Start sorting out practical things like childcare and finances etc in preparation as that will make it easier if you are prepared and you have one less thing to worry about while you grieve.

[spanz1]

so you are both bisexual (both had babies from men) but decided on a lesbian relationship. She appears to be more bisexual than solely lesbian. She is texting the man she slept with.

 

I would assume they are seeing each other, and having sex. It is following the more standard heterosexual pattern, she is cheating and therefore has less sex with you...as she is getting it somewhere else.

 

Not sure what to recommend without it seeming offensive to you, so forgive me if i hit a nerve. maybe she does need a man in her life part-time. it might be a temporary thing triggered by hormones during her childbirth. Maybe you talk this over, see if giving her a temporary hall-pass might bring her back to you in the long run?

 

It also might just be the hassle/stress of having so many kids in the house all of a sudden, and the long-term commitment and cramping of her style that that entails...i.e. no longer hanging out in bars partying all night long, since you need to be home for the babies.

 

The key here is to communicate. Find out exactly what she is thinking. Bring up the conversation in a non-threatening way. do not react badly, no mater what she says. After you have really talked it over, see if there is some way the two of you can re-connect and move forward with the lesbian relationship.

[oldshirt]

Unstable people can't have stable relationships. She's a quack. Let her go. You'll have a lot more peace and stability in your life without her.

 

You may love her today, but you won't for long with her treating you like this. The disappointment, frustration, resentment and exasperation will soon fade your feelings of warmth and closeness for her. That will be a painful process but it will come.

 

Let her go on her trip without drama or fanfare and while she is gone start making a new life for yourself without her.

[Rainbowlove]

Lesbian here.

 

How many kids do you have?

 

How old are you?

 

Are you both out?

 

Other family support?

 

I will try to help, but need more information.

[Elle1975]

Is the lease in both names?

[William]

Moderation merged some duplicate threads and clarified the title and will bump this up for more responses. Thanks!