Betrayed, deceived by friend and wife.

[Georgia2014]

You should leave her and dump your friend. She deceived you for many years and constantly lied to you. Then she had the nerve to have her AP come to the house you are paying for. She is a lying cheating shameless whore. She's also got to be lying on how physical they are. If they didn't have sex why would your friend be around her for all of these years?

Edited December 10, 2014 by Georgia2014

[Georgia2014]

Thanks everybody, let be more clear with details, i don't have kids, its not even a year since I married.

 

After i discovered the affair, I wrote the most scathing, disturbing mail to the guy, next day he came to me crying like a baby. he repeatedly asked for forgiveness, and accepted his mistake. I obviously was disgusted with him.

 

my wife is been crying for the past 2 weeks, literally. She too has accepted the mistakes , but is not forthcoming with more details, Though she did accepted that the guy was interested in sex and repeatedly called her to his flat, according to her she didn't go coz it was the same apartment where we had met previously like 200 times.(i was sharing the same apartment with the guy , until my marriage). She said that she committed mistakes ,but never did crossed the line. By the way she was never really to much into sex, it was more dates, walks , movies for her.

 

Right now i don't want to kill this marriage because, lots of things are at stake. I mean our family ,friends ,colleagues would be aghast.

 

And I did discovered the affair using technology, I actually was able to listen to their conversation, the guy was crying since my wife was refusing to continue the relationship,but she didn't do this on her own, I gave her certain feelers that I am getting suspicious. Apparently the guy was more disturbed that his illicit affair was coming to an end, words such as 'its over' , 'its finished 'could be heard from the guy. The girl was only sobbing, and sort of trying to console the guy.

 

The guy has apologized to me like 100 times and says that he wants to apologize to my wife also,, because one thing that I know for sure is that he was the one pushing her through out those 3 years, and they did had several 'breakups' because apparently they were realizing that its wrong but time and again they relapsed.

 

Actually i don't know what i want to do. Seriously , 3 years is a long time.

 

You can't trust her. Everyone would understand if you told them she cheated for three years. He didn't push her she decided of her own free will to cheat.

Why would you waste another minute with this whore and your looser friend?

[whichwayisup]

Divorce her. You don't have kids and your whole marriage, less than a year? Has been a lie. She was already having the A with your so called friend. I know you're hurting and this double betrayal is so shi.tty to have to go through.

 

If you two had kids and had more years together, I'd advise to give your marriage and her a second chance but since she is reacting out of desperation and emotions not genuine remorse and she's hiding the real truth and details from you, you need to ask yourself if she is worth fighting for and if your marriage is worth saving. This kind of betrayal isn't always forgivable.

[whichwayisup]

Right now i don't want to kill this marriage because, lots of things are at stake. I mean our family ,friends ,colleagues would be aghast.

 

Your marriage is between the two of you and if you're afraid of losing in laws or whatever, don't let that get in the way of walking away from her. Really, this guy, that friend is NOT A FRIEND. For 3 years he willingly had an affair with your wife and so what if they tried to end it a few times, the point is, it didn't end!! They kept going back to each other.

 

If you take her back and allow his friendship with you to continue, I can pretty much guarantee their contact will continue on behind your back.

 

Ask her to pack her bags and move out, to go BE with him. She hasn't suffered any consequences.

[TrustedthenBusted]

Your marriage is between the two of you and if you're afraid of losing in laws or whatever, don't let that get in the way of walking away from her. Really, this guy, that friend is NOT A FRIEND. For 3 years he willingly had an affair with your wife and so what if they tried to end it a few times, the point is, it didn't end!! They kept going back to each other.

 

If you take her back and allow his friendship with you to continue, I can pretty much guarantee their contact will continue on behind your back.

 

Ask her to pack her bags and move out, to go BE with him. She hasn't suffered any consequences.

 

This.

 

 

Funny how there are always tears and remorse AFTER they get caught. Until then it's all hugs kisses and good times.

[lolablue17]

1. Did she cut ALL CONTACT with this guy? I mean, no texts, mails, phones, EVERYTHING?

 

2. You say this guy apologized to you. What about? If he didn't have sex with her, why did he apologize for? What exact sin did he do according to his opinion?

 

3. The chances you know the whole truth is very small, I'd say more like zero! Tell her that you may forgive her cheating, but you won't forgive and won't tolerate the continues lies and trickle truth.

 

Tell her that you have evidence that more has happened and she has 24 hours to take a paper and write down EVERYTHING that happen there, even if she needs a full notebook. She has to hand you the paper in 24 hours. meanwhile you're not going to contact her, because this is her big test to see if she can be honest or not, a major issue for the future.

 

If the information written on the paper will contain even 1% of dishonesty, then it's over for ever! No more lies, no more trickle truth. And if she says that there is no more to write in addition to what she already told you - tell her to go packaging immediately.

 

Then, wait for the worst.

Edited December 10, 2014 by lolablue17

[Omei]

Sorry to say but only the desperate type unable to be alone and someone with no self respect would still want to continue that marriage.

 

Are you that person?

 

going on with this marriage isnt going to have have her reform, she doesn't need to be honest or write things down to prove anything, you already know shes not honest and she is able to do it for years without conscious guilt.

 

The only thing that will come from continuing in this marriage is full awareness that she will never lose you and will continue to walk all over your marriage even if she doesn't cheat anymore that will always be clear to her that she has power over you and is in full control because you will always be willing to turn a blind eye, so she knows her actions will never have consequence, have fun with that, when you're 80 and you wish you could redo your life and share it with someone who deserved your love you will only have you to blame for wasting it on someone, its unlikely you will grow old together anyway shes a cheater eventually shes gonna trade you in somewhere down the road for someone younger.

Edited December 10, 2014 by Omei

[No Limit]

Don't throw your whole life away just to keep face in front of strangers.

 

They will be shocked? Good! Expose both your wife and her lover to the world. Note it down on your divorce papers that her infidelity was the cause. Don't let tears get in your way. And again, don't let her manipulate you.

 

You say you want a family. Do you want to raise your own children, or that of different men? You will never have a real family with her. Also, do you realize that should you get kids and she kicks you to the curb because she knows full well you have to pay her child support and alimony, you'll have a very hard time to even see your children? Not to mention that they'd be left to that monsters' mercy and that of her lovers?

And don't believe her bull*****ting; she willingly had sex with him for 3 years, and would still have a good time in your own house whenever you'd be out of town. She wanted this affair just as much as her lover did.

 

As mentioned before, do not sleep with her. She might try to trap you with a baby to keep you.

 

Get a lawyer, quickly! You already wasted 2 weeks, but time is a luxury you don't have anymore!

[aliveagain]

Friend, if she can do something this brutal to you while you are still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, what is she going to do to you 10 years from now when some of the excitement has worn off? I guess you could be raising O/M's baby like I did, hope your of the same culture.

 

From reading some of the new information you posted, the O/M and you shared an apartment together? I guess you shared a lot more together than you knew. She sure got to know her way around the apartment. Most men don't hang around for 3 years for just kissing, they want the full meal deal and going three years or more without some kind of sex isn't too believable to me.

 

Make the potential of reconciliation subject to her passing a polygraph test.

[Try]

She said that she committed mistakes ,but never did crossed the line.

She has lied to you for at least 3 years. When you confronted she continued to lie. She did not come clean on her own and only admits to what she has to admit based on what you found out on your own. Knowing that her lying to you about her affair is an established part of her relationship with you, why would you believe her that they did not have sex? It always amazes me that cheaters expect you to believe the unbelievable based solely on their word, when they have proven that their word means nothing.

 

According to the MSNBC.com/iVillage Lust, Love & Loyalty survey, few cheaters — only 2 percent — were busted in the act. And even when confronted with a partner's suspicions, only 6 percent of both men and women confessed to having an affair.” In this survey they only looked at people that had intercourse during the affair. In other words your cheating wife is typical in lying about not having intercourse. She knows that she is lying about not having sex. Her lover knows that she is lying about not having sex. In your heart you know it too. Cheaters would have you base your reality on only what they admit to, never mind that they have been lying to you on this topic for 3 years. You need to start defining your reality based on common sense and not on her lies.

 

By the way she was never really to much into sex, it was more dates, walks , movies for her.

Did it ever occur to you that the reason that she has not been much into sex with you is because she was having sex with the other man? Sorry to say but this is typical of a person that is in an affair, and only confirms that they were sexually active.

 

Right now i don't want to kill this marriage because, lots of things are at stake. I mean our family ,friends ,colleagues would be aghast.

She never committed to her vows or to being your wife. You were never a couple since a couple by definition means 2 people and there were 3 people. You cannot kill a marriage that was never alive accept in your head. If you divorce now before children you will save you and your children great pain. When you divorce later, and you will, your family and friends will think you a fool for staying in this marriage once they learn of the affair, which they will.

 

Please note that in all of the threads that I have read in the infidelity sections over the years, your wife ranks as the most horrible cheater that I have ever read about. Usually when people have affairs, it is after they have been married and selfishly want something more. Your wife was cheating on you with this guy before she was married, and married you during the affair. She did not have to marry you if she did not want to be your wife.

Edited December 10, 2014 by Try

[stillafool]

May I add that it is common for female cheaters to marry the man who is the most successful career wise while giving all the good sex to their loser lovers. I hate to say this but she probably only married you to secure her future.

[WomenWubber]

Seems to me you don't want to accept your marriage is a fraud.

 

Whatever helps you sleep at night, man. But at the very least you should be wary of having sex with your WW for the time being. Hopefully you get checked regularly for STDs and STIs, too.

[drifter777]

This is classic example of a BH being so stunned, hurt, and ashamed of her cheating that he will sink into a deep denial of just what all of her lies and cheating mean to him and their relationship.

 

Friend, go to a hotel or stay with a friend for a couple weeks. Start seeing a counselor right now - many of them offer immediate help when a person is truly in crisis. And with what just happened to you, crisis is an understatement.

 

Your emotions are, and will be, all over the place for a while. Right now you really need to just get away from her manipulation and lies and take care of yourself. Try to face the reality of living with this woman every day, knowing what she did to you. The sex, the lies, the disrespect, and her overall selfish, disgusting behavior. Break through the denial and look honestly at the reality of what has actually taken place. And please find a counselor ASAP.

[DbleBetrayal]

OP, I had a double betrayal happen to me, and it was a one night stand followed by a shortlived (one-sided) online EA- with WH getting rejected by my 'best' friend for further hook ups. It's been almost 4 years since that happened and I am still haunted by it. I dunno how you will deal with 3 years of deception, and during the honeymoon period of marriage, I'd go mental.

[NateGrey]

though after my marriage she did tried to stop him, but he didn't stopped and expected her to continue the affair.

 

I hope you know this is bull crap. Oh, she "tried" huh? Right.

 

What should I do.?

 

Divorce and be glad you have no kids with this horrid woman.

[Bryanp]

This is the worst case of self-denial I have ever read.

If the roles were reversed would she have put up with such betrayal,

humiliation and disrespect from you. This is during your honeymoon period.

 

One more time: If you do not respect yourself then who will?

[road]

Polygraph your WW to get the truth. Then divorce her.

[spanz1]

OP, this sounds a little like a script from a cuckold porn movie. She marries you, but consummates the marriage with her BF before you get to her after the ceremony!

 

 

You DO see how her perverted mind works? you are the cuckolded husband providing for her, and getting humiliation-sex, while she comes home full of her lover's seed.

 

 

Uh, unless you actually love that sort of a lifestyle....I would seek a legal annulment. let her find another cuck to betray.

 

 

what is her next move? showing up with a chastity cage for you?

[GoBlue]

I am sorry for the situation Deepalone. From all of your comments pieced together it appears that you are saying that they never actually went through with a physical relationship. Is this the case? Have you spoken to your wife about the need for counseling? I understand the pain that you are feeling - I have been through it myself. I want you to know that your marriage can indeed recover and be better than you ever thought possible, but that will require the proper work and commitment from both you and your wife. There is a book I recommend called Unfaithful: Hope and Healing After Infidelity by Gary and Mona Shriver. This couple share how they rebuilt their marriage after the husband had a three year affair as well as a one-night stand. I think it could be a very useful tool in addition to some professional counseling. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Mr. Lucky]

She said that she committed mistakes ,but never did crossed the line.

 

Call me immediately. I've got a bridge, desert island and two unicorns to sell you.

 

By the way she was never really to much into sex

 

You've married someone who's not into sex?

 

Mr. Lucky

[TrustedthenBusted]

My wife's first affair was right after we got married. Lasted about a year. I never found out about it, and we had two kids. 8 years later, she had another one, and I caught this one.

 

NOW I feel like I have to work on it, because we've got small children. But if I found out about the first one as it was happening, there's no way I would have stayed with her.

 

Hell, her father paid for the wedding, not mine. Pfft.

[EverySunset]

This is classic example of a BH being so stunned, hurt, and ashamed of her cheating that he will sink into a deep denial of just what all of her lies and cheating mean to him and their relationship.

 

...and please find a counselor ASAP.

 

This x 100.

 

You did nothing wrong. SHE did. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of.

[RightThere]

My wife's first affair was right after we got married. Lasted about a year. I never found out about it, and we had two kids. 8 years later, she had another one, and I caught this one.

 

NOW I feel like I have to work on it, because we've got small children. But if I found out about the first one as it was happening, there's no way I would have stayed with her.

 

My story as well. My wife was cheating on me right up until I proposed to her. That was at least for a few months. Second batch of affairs started when our daughter was about 1 1/2 years old. Didn't figure everything out until our daughter was 4.

 

We were actually in couples counselling before we were married and even the counselor knew my wife was cheating on me at the time. However she failed to not only mention it, but even pushed us to be together and work things out.

 

Had I know back then she was cheating on me, I would never have spent another minute with her. But now that I have a little one, I need to try and make things work.

[drifter777]

We were actually in couples counselling before we were married and even the counselor knew my wife was cheating on me at the time. However she failed to not only mention it, but even pushed us to be together and work things out.

Did you ever go back and express your disgust with your counselor? I would have to find her, make an appointment, and then spit in her face.

[road]

Call me immediately. I've got a bridge, desert island and two unicorns to sell you.

 

 

 

You've married someone who's not into sex?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

 

With her BH.