Jet Lag Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 Does anyone have specific coping techniques to aid in their recovery? My psych suggested when I have a thought to check if it is necessarily true. For example, if I know the exes kids are with their Mum, I immediately assume he is with his new girlfriend. So, the idea is I change my thought to, well, maybe he is not with his girlfriend, maybe he is with a male friend, or needed a night by himself or whatever. Just wondering if anyone had any cognitive behavioural techniques or other techniques that has helped them get through this that they are willing to share.
1980alence Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 Sorry to hear you're having a tough time. What helps me is to hang out with friends more. I know you have the kids over, but maybe you can invite another parent over so the kids and the adults can all have some play time? Even at my worst (last breakup was really tough), doing things with friends helped more than anything. That and getting caught up in some video games or binge watching anything interesting . 1
Chin Up Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 I just posted about something similar in another thread. What got me out of the funk pretty quick was when I realized I was seeing the positives in a sad negative way, and I was seeing everything about him as positive, and myself as negative. So my thoughts would be about what a great person I am and all the good things I had to offer, BUT he left me anyways so there must be something wrong with me or that I am unworthy of him. ERRONEOUS! I stopped doing that. All the positive thoughts are for me, and he can have all the negatives. Blow your own ego up, why not? you deserve it. You were way too good for him because you are_____, _____ and _____. He sure as hell doesn't deserve you because he's _____, _____ and ______. Oh, and his _____ was _____ so screw him because _____ _____ _____! lol ok this is totally weird, but it helped. I used to wear a hair elastic around my wrist. When I caught myself thinking about him...ahh it's weird to admit this but whatever... When I would think about him I'd start snapping the elastic against my wrist, hard..so it hurt, so any thoughts of him were being associated with physical unpleasantry. Then I'd vividly imagine him sitting there eating his own poop (LMFAO ) Seriously. I'd imagine it in great detail..the smell of it (ugh) him slowly chewing away at it..how it looked mushing around in his mouth..how it's all over his lips and cheeks..the wet mucky sounds of him eating it. I'd really imagine it in great detail and get thoroughly disgusted..esp in the part where he comes at me for a kiss. ..!!! oh hell noooooooo! blegh! It's weird, but it worked. But also..like I said before, flip your thoughts so he has all the negatives and you get the positives. "I bet ex is with his new lady. They're probably doing 'it' (uhoh, entering bad-thoughts-ville, time to flip it)..and he can't get a boner! HAW-HAW! he's so confused and embarrassed. 'I don't understand, this has never happened before'." and then laugh about it. If you're going to make up imaginary scenarios in your head, at least make ones up that benefit you in some way. So there you have it. My ex eats poo, and yours can't get an erection. LOL!
RedButton Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 For me, if there was one particular thing eating away at me, I would take some time to sit down without distractions and just think about that one thing. Give myself an explanation for why it was worrying me and why it shouldn't be, or what to do about it. It helped early one when I was still asking 'Why' a lot or jumping to negative thoughts. "Was I too boring?" Think about it "No, I really wasn't, because of these reasons!" "But maybe she found you boring even though XX reasons?" "In that case, then we were obviously too different to be in a relationship. She would do things that I found tedious and boring too. Neither of us were wrong, just different" By arguing it over in my head until I got a satisfactory answer or explanation I was able to then finally put it out of my thoughts and get on with my day or whatever. If I kept trying to block things out instead and ignore them, they'd just stick around. Otherwise as others have said, try to keep up distractions and talk to people about it. Talk to people you trust, for me it was family more than friends. Sometimes just saying things out loud or writing them down helps more than you think to look at it from a different way or understand it better.
Leegh Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 It can help to take a day at a time, and just focus on the day at hand. Also, it can help not to listen to any music, because a lot of music is about romantic love and it can remind us of past relationships which is not good at this time. Unfortunately, there is no magical cure to get over a break-up, as I guess it just takes time for our brains to process (the various chemicals) that a relationship has ended. Also, it is wise not to drink alcohol because alcohol can intensify emotions, and that is the last thing we need when going through a break-up. Hope all goes well for you.
ThreeYearsDumb Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 I agree with the idea of limiting music. I stopped listening to the radio because I hated switching the dial and hearing a song we sang at karaoke or any song about romantic love. Even the divorce lawyer ads were too much. I made a playlist of only songs I know I can handle and podcasts and go with that. It seemed weird at first to shun music but I know this is just a temporary concession that won't last for ever. Anything to help you get through the day and take it easy on yourself is ok at this point.
Author Jet Lag Posted December 11, 2014 Author Posted December 11, 2014 It can help to take a day at a time, and just focus on the day at hand. Thanks Leegh. I had this sudden realisation that I was thinking of him out of my life forever and realised that is I just think of this as a temporary parting. Not even necessarily thinking of him being back in my life as a partner but we were best friends before the relationship and I think it was making it harder on myself thinking of it as forever. I changed that thought pattern and so far are feeling better. From what I understand, probably when I am over him I won't need him back in my life but for the current time it seems to have made me feel so much better. 1
Recommended Posts