tommy_tgz Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 Boy did I get within an inch close of breaking NC tonight. This week has been extremely hard with yesterday and today. I was constantly missing her. Today I drove home and started getting nostalgic and teary while in traffic. I had an intense urge to text her that I've been hurting so much because of the things she did towards the end of our break up. And that I forgive her and want her to know I love her. I wrote all this out on the Note app on my iphone before copy pasting to text. Somehow when I finished the long message a voice in my head saved me. The voice told me I was making a mistake and no good can come out of this text. I immediately started googling emergency NC measures. I read a few LS posts. The logic and judgment slowly started to return to my conscious. Dodged a bullet there...had I sent that text I would've broken weeks of NC work and either felt like a fool or get hurt by the ex-gf again. I'm so glad I did not give in. The advice and NC emphasis here are all true and is what saved me. Now I sit here much calmer and ready to continue fighting this battle until we get what we want. We're all in this together LSers. Tom 4
SycamoreCircle Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 Man, I know the feeling. Holidays and cold weather(being stuck indoors) do not help. Just remember this, as it's inevitable: if you break NC, you're just going to have to start all over. I've never really been tempted to contact her, so much as stalk her social media. I've broken in the past---it's just not worth it. There is pain there, always. You'll find yourself entwining yourself mentally and emotionally in the imagined narrative of her life. Not worth it. Stay strong! 1
Author tommy_tgz Posted December 10, 2014 Author Posted December 10, 2014 Man, I know the feeling. Holidays and cold weather(being stuck indoors) do not help. Just remember this, as it's inevitable: if you break NC, you're just going to have to start all over. I've never really been tempted to contact her, so much as stalk her social media. I've broken in the past---it's just not worth it. There is pain there, always. You'll find yourself entwining yourself mentally and emotionally in the imagined narrative of her life. Not worth it. Stay strong! Thanks a million Sycamore your words of encouragement really helped, its the first thing I read this morning. My question is I keep having this urge to want to get closure by addressing the mistakes of hers and my own in the relationship and letting her know that I still love her. Our break up ended horribly so I felt like there was no closure or examination and rationalization of what happened. I never understood her reasons for secretly cheating on me at the end and all I could think of is that I had shortcomings that didn't satisfy her needs and neglected her. Thanks man anything helps, I wish I could afford therapy.
Elle1975 Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 Haha Im laughing because I know what you mean by dodging a bullet (you did). Christmas time is a sore time to be alone. I will add, good for you! Good that you found yourself confronting your feelings while staying strong Tom! Now do something for yourself, as you deserve a reward That must have been a tough one to live through.
RedButton Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 Nice stuff, stay strong. Just keep it in mind like a personal challenge, and feel good about every day you hold to it. When it gets tough, just think "I can hold it at least one more day" and the next day you'll usually find you don't have that urge. If you do, try and do the same thing, "At least one more day, I can wait one more day at least." The hard part for me is a feeling like I'm eventually going to get a message from her instead. Having said that, it only gets easier with time. There are some ups and downs, but generally it'll get easier with every day.
SycamoreCircle Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 Thanks a million Sycamore your words of encouragement really helped, its the first thing I read this morning. My question is I keep having this urge to want to get closure by addressing the mistakes of hers and my own in the relationship and letting her know that I still love her. Our break up ended horribly so I felt like there was no closure or examination and rationalization of what happened. I never understood her reasons for secretly cheating on me at the end and all I could think of is that I had shortcomings that didn't satisfy her needs and neglected her. Thanks man anything helps, I wish I could afford therapy. OP, feel free to read my story. My ex smeared me so maliciously, devalued our sex life so thoroughly to other people, I was honestly questioning if I'd really had sex with her, ever! I mean, just because a man is erect and penetrating a woman's vagina---that doesn't mean they're having sex, or that it's good sex, right? You will never get closure from her. You will never be able to rationalize what happened. Cheaters don't cheat because of your limitations, they cheat because of their own. You can afford therapy. LoveShack can seriously help you. Let it out here. Leave no stone unturned. Peel back the layers and see what you find. The more you're willing to reveal about your fears, insecurities, excesses, trespasses, hopes and wishes the greater you will understand who you are and what you need at this time.
SycamoreCircle Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 By the way, I skimmed over your first post. My ex did something similar to yours post break up---built an online facade of social affluence and happiness. What nonsense! The last time I broke and looked at her FB(covertly) she posted pics from a party she went to of a new friend who knew David Byrne of Talking Heads. Virtually everything she posts aspires to claims of an ever increasing orbit of well-to-do friends. Here's the truth: -if she couldn't value the friendship of a man who would have done anything for her to the point that she lied to and smeared him, cheated on him with someone more successful and hid it, what kind of friend could she be to anyone? -Social Media is like a giant costume party populated by masks, exaggerations, self-aggrandizement and chimeras. -Socrates once said, "Those with many friends have none."
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