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What does it mean when women and men that are not dating send XOXO to each other?

Winterina

By Winterina
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Winterina Established Member

Winterina

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Baby Boy,.......XOXOXOXOXO

Your favourite blonde blabber

 

 

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO!!!!!! Thanks so much for being such wonderful friend bubbles! XOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXO

 

 

Miss you so much!! Love you!!! XOXOXO

 

 

Etc.

 

 

These and similar are the ways my boyfriend's friends end emails and messages to him. I'm kind of sick and tired of it. I asked him to stop and he says he stopped but still they did not. And he would not tell them because he would think it puts him in awkward position.

 

 

I am questioning my own sanity that this bothers me.

 

 

XOXO

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TigerLilly78 Established Member

TigerLilly78

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Well unless it means jumping jacks and donuts (witch I highley dout)..lol ide be mighty pissed if one of my BFs "friends" were sending him overly afectionate texts and emails like this if he cant stop them then I would give him an simple choice them or me..

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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I would give him his freedom so he can text all the inappropriate cheesy stuff he wants to his 'friend'.

 

You did the right thing by first telling him this made you uncomfortable. He chose to ignore your feelings on the matter and put that friend above you.

 

You cannot make him care, you cannot make him be the boyfriend you want him to be.

 

Change boyfriend.

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ASG Established Member

ASG

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Hugs and Kisses? It means nothing.

 

Some people are just overly affectionate. I have many friends like that. Sending rows upon rows of xxx or xoxo, coupled with plenty of pet names, ILYs and Miss your Face's.

 

Even I sometimes get a bit carried away, when I'm texting my overly affectionate friends.

 

Unless these friends are literally all over him in person, I wouldn't worry.

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Winterina Established Member

Winterina

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Well, actually, in the past I know he slept in college with some of his friends... that his first kiss was with the woman that sent that first message on the list.... he told me he has a deal with one friend to marry her when she turns 40 if they are both alone, and we had a huge issue with one of his friends being all over him physically even when I was in the room. So the affection to me seems quite threatening and disrespectful... these are the people in their late 30s not teens. It is really never pleasant to see it. I have had ton of male friends and nothing ever had to be romanticised and flirtations to have a good friendship.

He said he stopped but he cannot control what they are saying. And telling it to them would be clearly implying it was all my idea and that I am interfering into their way of communicating. Whichever way you turn, I will be the jealous and insecure bitch.

newlyborn Established Member

newlyborn

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honestly, it may not mean much. but it is still inappropriate and disrespectful.

 

and you cannot stop or control it. he has to.

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Winterina Established Member

Winterina

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Hugs and Kisses? It means nothing.

 

Some people are just overly affectionate. I have many friends like that. Sending rows upon rows of xxx or xoxo, coupled with plenty of pet names, ILYs and Miss your Face's.

 

Even I sometimes get a bit carried away, when I'm texting my overly affectionate friends.

 

Unless these friends are literally all over him in person, I wouldn't worry.

 

 

 

It is more than just XOXOs... read the messages. It looks like lovers are talking. I need some intimate space and some words reserved just for us.

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Winterina Established Member

Winterina

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honestly, it may not mean much. but it is still inappropriate and disrespectful.

 

and you cannot stop or control it. he has to.

 

How can he do that? He did stop. They never will.

veggirl Established Member

veggirl

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BUBBLES??? :lmao::lmao:

 

I would NOT be happy if I found those messages on my boyfriends phone.

 

Then again, you wrote "XOXO" at the end of your message to US and we don't even know you. So maybe it's a common thing where you live among your peers to throw in random (excessive) XOs?

 

eta: Just read this is adults in their late 30s writing this sh*t??? Wow. That's seriously weird. It seems very immature. How many women talk like this to him? Are they single? They probably have crushes on him.

Edited by veggirl
  • Like 2
newlyborn Established Member

newlyborn

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how do you know he stopped? do you read all of his email and text exchanges? the history you describe of him with his friends sounds like boundaries and messages get mixed and crossed.

 

still, if he stops for a consistent period, the women should follow suit eventually. it would be odd to be sending effusive hugs and kisses to a friend who is curt or formal.

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Winterina Established Member

Winterina

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BUBBLES??? :lmao::lmao:

 

I would NOT be happy if I found those messages on my boyfriends phone.

 

Then again, you wrote "XOXO" at the end of your message to US and we don't even know you. So maybe it's a common thing where you live among your peers to throw in random (excessive) XOs?

 

eta: Just read this is adults in their late 30s writing this sh*t??? Wow. That's seriously weird. It seems very immature. How many women talk like this to him? Are they single? They probably have crushes on him.

 

 

 

My XOXO was of course a joke in the context.

 

 

I doubt it is crushes they have on him, some are married and have kids, but he does have all these romanticised relationships with them. I am not sure he ever had a female friend without all these ...bubbles and s*** like that. Now I am thinking about any woman he meets because I know how he has been relating to them so far.

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Winterina Established Member

Winterina

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still, if he stops for a consistent period, the women should follow suit eventually. it would be odd to be sending effusive hugs and kisses to a friend who is curt or formal.

 

That is what normal person would do but you wouldn't believe!!! He stopped hugging a woman who was all over him and would not let him go for 2 minutes, kissing him on his neck and face and telling him how much she loves him.... He would just give her a quick friendly hug but she always kept pushing for more so it was awkward watching her grabbing onto him while he is trying to shake her off. She never stopped trying. Finally he told her. She still kept going. Finally he dumped her and unfriended her on FB. She came right back with friend request asking how are we doing. Do you think this is the last of her? No, of course not.

I am just telling you this because lovers kind of messages will not stop by themselves, and even if he asks them to stop I am sure there will be some that will still be pushing for it...

Ducky71 Established Member

Ducky71

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Stop snooping through his phone and emails.

 

 

Either you trust him or you don't. If trust is your issue, you've got bigger problems than some stupid texts/emails.

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Winterina Established Member

Winterina

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Stop snooping through his phone and emails.

 

 

Either you trust him or you don't. If trust is your issue, you've got bigger problems than some stupid texts/emails.

 

I have his email and FB opened on my laptop. If I want to see my FB I first have to go and see his to close it. No snooping required.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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I think I've just thrown up in my mouth.

 

XOXO XOXO

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GravityMan Established Member

GravityMan

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The biggest surprise to me is that the women that are doing that are approaching 40 years old. XOXO is more commonly used by millennial women in their 20s. It's a form of affection among both friends and lovers. Also, it's 2014...we're in an age where text-speak is the norm among younger folks.

 

That said, your boyfriend is disrespecting you. He either needs to put his foot down and tell his women friends to stop (even if that leads to losing one or more of them), or you should consider ending the relationship. I get the feeling that the real reason he hasn't firmly told them to stop is because (a) he likes the attention and (b) wants to keep his "options" open in case things go kaput with you.

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Chemist Established Member

Chemist

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Lol I think Gaeta is a bit extreme. Dump him over something he can not control?

 

As a dude who has lots and I mean lots of female friends, girls do this ****. They mean nothing by it. When I had a gf, girls would flirt with me and she would get all jelly at times, but in the end, I had to point out to her that I can not control what they do, only my behavior. If he stopped being super affectionate, then what else can you ask then to cut out friends? I would not do this, it isn't fair, IMO, to ask someone to stop being friends unless this person has done something crossing the line.. insult you, try to kiss me for real (X and a real kiss aren't even close as rubbing one out to porn and real sex)...

 

I have girls while I am single who have no interest in dating me sending me kissy faces and **** all the time.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Lol I think Gaeta is a bit extreme. Dump him over something he can not control?

 

As a dude who has lots and I mean lots of female friends, girls do this ****. They mean nothing by it. When I had a gf, girls would flirt with me and she would get all jelly at times, but in the end, I had to point out to her that I can not control what they do, only my behavior. If he stopped being super affectionate, then what else can you ask then to cut out friends? I would not do this, it isn't fair, IMO, to ask someone to stop being friends unless this person has done something crossing the line.. insult you, try to kiss me for real (X and a real kiss aren't even close as rubbing one out to porn and real sex)...

 

I have girls while I am single who have no interest in dating me sending me kissy faces and **** all the time.

 

If a man I date calls his female friends pet names like baby girl, says he misses her, sends kisses, hugs and winks and stuff, well that man and I are not compatible therefore we should not be together. When I am in a relationship I know how to respect my partner,and that respect is shown in the way I conduct myself around other men/male friends.

 

If you both don't see anything wrong in calling friends of opposite sex by pet names usually kept for gf and bf then more power to you but if it bothers ONE of you then you are not compatible. You have a different set of values and one of you will always suffer from it.

  • Like 4
Chemist Established Member

Chemist

Posted
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If a man I date calls his female friends pet names like baby girl, says he misses her, sends kisses, hugs and winks and stuff, well that man and I are not compatible therefore we should not be together. When I am in a relationship I know how to respect my partner,and that respect is shown in the way I conduct myself around other men/male friends.

 

If you both don't see anything wrong in calling friends of opposite sex by pet names usually kept for gf and bf then more power to you but if it bothers ONE of you then you are not compatible. You have a different set of values and one of you will always suffer from it.

 

The man didn't do those things. His friends do. So you would end things with a guy over what he has no control of?

Georgia2014 Established Member

Georgia2014

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Well, actually, in the past I know he slept in college with some of his friends... that his first kiss was with the woman that sent that first message on the list.... he told me he has a deal with one friend to marry her when she turns 40 if they are both alone, and we had a huge issue with one of his friends being all over him physically even when I was in the room. So the affection to me seems quite threatening and disrespectful... these are the people in their late 30s not teens. It is really never pleasant to see it. I have had ton of male friends and nothing ever had to be romanticised and flirtations to have a good friendship.

He said he stopped but he cannot control what they are saying. And telling it to them would be clearly implying it was all my idea and that I am interfering into their way of communicating. Whichever way you turn, I will be the jealous and insecure bitch.

 

 

You need to leave him. That would worry me if I were you him having a marriage arrangement with a friend. He is putting them above you. I know it's hard but it time to walk out. If he truly loves you he will tell his friends to not write that and he would have stopped her from physically being all over him. This doesn't sound good to me. You deserve better.

  • Like 1
Georgia2014 Established Member

Georgia2014

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The man didn't do those things. His friends do. So you would end things with a guy over what he has no control of?

 

It's his responsibility to tell them to stop but he doesn't. He knows she's uncomfortable with this but he doesn't care. He cares more about what his friends think than how his girlfriend feels.

  • Like 1
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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The man didn't do those things. His friends do. So you would end things with a guy over what he has no control of?

 

I was under the impression he was doing it as well when I wrote my answer.

 

But it does not really change my perspective on it.

 

I find her complain to him reasonable. He should tell that female friend that now he's in a relationship to stop the mushy language between them. It's no big deal, I have requested that from male friends when I got in a relationship and it did not put a dent on our friendship at all.

 

IF he fears it's an awkward thing to do it's because this female friend and him are not that close, because between close friends this type of request would not be a big deal.

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Winterina Established Member

Winterina

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I was hoping he would find a way to make THEM stop with it too. If this is the way they talk to him I do not see how can I be comfortable around them... or invite them to our events, or be happy to see them... so if he wants a healthy relationship and not one full of struggle, he should deal with things. I do not even know some of the women that he talks to. I barely heard of some.

 

 

If my friends were causing this much trouble for my partner I would deal with things differently. He, his wellbeing and us would be my priority and I would tell my friends that I am in a relationship now and things should change.

  • Like 1
Georgia2014 Established Member

Georgia2014

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Posted (edited)
Lol I think Gaeta is a bit extreme. Dump him over something he can not control?

 

As a dude who has lots and I mean lots of female friends, girls do this ****. They mean nothing by it. When I had a gf, girls would flirt with me and she would get all jelly at times, but in the end, I had to point out to her that I can not control what they do, only my behavior. If he stopped being super affectionate, then what else can you ask then to cut out friends? I would not do this, it isn't fair, IMO, to ask someone to stop being friends unless this person has done something crossing the line.. insult you, try to kiss me for real (X and a real kiss aren't even close as rubbing one out to porn and real sex)...

 

I have girls while I am single who have no interest in dating me sending me kissy faces and **** all the time.

 

 

You didn't care about your girlfriend. If you did you would have told your female friends to stop or block them if they don't. Writing flirty messes with a friend that's taken is crossing the line. I noticed you said when you had a girlfriend no wonder you are single. Until you stop flirting with females while taken you deserve to be single!!

 

You say it's not fair having to cut out friends if they don't stop flirting well it's not fair what you did to your girlfriend. I have a close male friend and we never ever send xoxoxo messages he never gives me a pet name, I don't give him a pet name. We don't say I miss you or anything like that. We are both single but we don't do that flirty stuff.

Edited by Georgia2014
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

He said he stopped but he cannot control what they are saying. And telling it to them would be clearly implying it was all my idea and that I am interfering into their way of communicating. Whichever way you turn, I will be the jealous and insecure bitch.

 

He is full of BS. He handles his friendship as if he were 15. He obviously puts more importance into those female friends then being in a respectful relationship with you.

 

How long you've been dating him?

 

You are wasting your time. This man is not relationship material.

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