in a relationship with someone for 6 months and he suddenly breaks up with me by text

[CiuK]

Hello Everyone, I'm going through a tough time and could use some advice. I'm a single mom to three boys 16,14 and 11. I met a great guy who I was in a relationship with for 6 months. He is a single dad to 3 boys 17, 15 and 12. Our boys had alot of fun together and our relationship was great.

 

We were not only dating, but supported one another as single parents and could relate to each other. We still made time to get out and do things alone, even if it was just grabbing breakfast at ihop. We never argued. Slowly things became more serious as the months went on and he asked me if I would like to move in with him and his boys in the next 6 months. We would spend Saturday nights at his house and hang out as a family, I spent alot of time with his boys having lunch with them, taking them to work with me, etc. Lots of talk about the future. Just last week we were standing in the kitchen and the way he looked at me and said happy holidays, this is going to be the best Christmas ever, it was amazing.

 

Everything seemed great. A few weeks ago, his mom and step dad moved in with him from Arizona. It is only supposed to be temporary until they get settled here. He's LOVES his mom so was really happy about having her there. At that same time, he also found out that his boys would be going to spend Christmas with his mom out of state, he was really bummed out about that since it would be his first Christmas away from his boys. He was having trouble financially. So lots of stress, but he still had a big smile and a positive attitude. I met his mom in person and we seemed to get along great. One week after she moved in, he started telling me that he would call me and didn't.

 

I know I probably pushed him, but I said it would be nice if you called me, it would make me feel like a priority. Well that didn't sit well with him because I didn't hear from him for days then when I finally did hear from him it was by text and he said that maybe he wasn't ready to start a new life with someone and would rather end this than have it go bad, please don't let this get out of hand. ?? And that he had thought about this and it wasn't an easy decision to make, but it was for the best. That was about 10 days ago. I have not heard from him since. I am completely blindsided and heartbroken. I'm not sure what to do. I've texted a few times and he never responded.

 

I'd like to get some advice and insight on this and try to make sense of it. He was the most caring, loving person and treated me and my boys so well. I just don't understand how things went from that to this. Thank you!

Edited December 10, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[newmoon]

momma's boy, lol. she told him what to do and he did it. you didn't have her approval imo and since he LOVES his mom.. he probably did what she advised

[beach]

I think you deserve a conversation about it. Just pick up the phone and call him. Be honest. Tell him how you feel and that you deserve to understand why things ended this way.

 

 

Personally I think it's pretty crappy of him - especially since he didn't make effort to discuss how he felt with you. That's a red flag to me signally he may be a guy that gets cold feet.

 

Who knows? It could be he feels pressured more now that his Mom is on the scene - but if he was finding he didn't have enough time/energy to date now he certainly owed you the respect of a decent conversation.

 

 

 

I'm sorry it hurts - but better to know now than later - especially if this is the way he handles change ( it's just crappy on his part).

 

I'm left wondering if he invited Mom to live with him in order to help him with his kids...?

[Standard-Fare]

It's definitely hard to disconnect this from the recent move-in of his mom and stepdad. Whether or not that's directly to blame, it seems like it must be some kind of factor here, right? But it's probably not worth analyzing how or why -- you just can't know that unless/until he tells you.

 

But I agree with the poster above. He owes you a conversation. I mean, don't assault him with text messages right now if he's just going silent on you. But after you let a little time pass, I think you can send him a letter or email to be like, "This came out of nowhere for me. I'm hurt and confused, and I hope you can have the decency to give me an honest conversation about this at some point."

 

If he doesn't do that, then I'm sorry, he's just not a good person.

[CiuK]

I tried calling him a few days ago, he didn't answer. I lleft a voicemail. Never heard back from him.

[CiuK]

I forgot to mention that his mom sent me a text the next day saying that he had told her what he told me. She said she thinks he's nervous about starting a real relationship, doesnt want to get hurt, hurt you or cause problems with my boys. That she knows he thought hard on this because im a great person, but he has made his decision, and sticks to what he feels is right. That she wished me nothing but the best. That seemed a little out of no where.

[Standard-Fare]

I forgot to mention that his mom sent me a text the next day saying that he had told her what he told me. She said she thinks he's nervous about starting a real relationship, doesnt want to get hurt, hurt you or cause problems with my boys. That she knows he thought hard on this because im a great person, but he has made his decision, and sticks to what he feels is right. That she wished me nothing but the best. That seemed a little out of no where.

 

That's very weird. I think it it proves that his mom was definitely involved in this change of heart. That text is like a sick note to the grade-school teacher.

 

If I were you, I'd have lost a LOT of respect for this guy for not only callous way he's handled this, but also because of the proof that his mother dominates him completely. He's shown his true colors and ... they're kind of gross.

 

Even if he does get back to you to try for reconciliation, is this the kind of guy you want to be dealing with?

[newlyborn]

well, the text from his mother is confirmation that the family is involved in this breakup and that they are supporting him in sticking to it. blending families is complicated, and it sounds like his family is now giving him the support he was getting from you. sadly, it looks like he has gone NC both to move on and to send a clear message to you that he is done.

 

i know that you are in shock and pain, but i think you should leave things for a few weeks and then reach out a final time for an explanation.

[Satu]

I'm sorry that you've had to go through this horrible experience. The sense of shock must be horrendous.

 

It does look like his mother is the explanation.

 

Just do what you can to take good care of yourself and the children.

[beach]

He did owe you a conversation - in person! And the fact that he won't even call back says a lot about him. He sucks.

 

Sound like he avoids conflict - and long term that's not a healthy man.

 

And he may be a Mommas boy... That's a bummer too. Be glad he showed you who he is but it doesn't make it easier to accept it.

 

 

At least you now see his defects at 6 months and not 6 years into it.

 

 

What was the reason he divorced and how did he react to that situation? Did you see any red flags there that were a clue? At all?

[lauri]

Ugh...lol

 

Honestly, you didn't lose anything here. You actually want to be with a guy who doesn't have the balls, courage and respect for you to tell you this in person? Give me a break. He's not worth your time.

 

Better you found out about his family situation / him now. Why would you want to invest anymore time and energy into this dude? I think you're just feeling this way because your ego is hurt...but soon enough, you'll realize that this is a blessing in disguise.

[CiuK]

Thanks for all the feedback and Advice I know that I deserved the respect of a conversation face to face and the way that he handled the whole thing was very cowardly. It was not something I would have expected from him.

 

I know he is a mommas boy. I knew that for a while. He would call and talk to her several times a day and about everything.

 

I know both he and his mom have said on numerous occasions that his mom never had a good relationship with any of his ex's. And they were both excited for me to have that with her because we seemed to get along so great.

 

He and his family moved here about a year ago, the wife moved out after just a few months and left him and the boys and moved back home. He said this happened every so often her leaving him and the boys then coming back, he said this was the last time and he wanted nothing to do with her. They aren't even on speaking terms. The mother had alot of negative things to say about his ex. The ex has moved on with someone else.

 

Whats really hard is our boys all got along so great and did things together all the time. I was so close with his younger two. He has often said thank you for making my house feel like a home. I would cook dinner for all of us a few times a week. He said he never had that with the ex, she just hung around in her pj's all day.

 

I keep thinking about all the good times, and what I think that I should be focusing on is how badly this was all handled and that he wasnt who he appeared to be for those 6 months.

 

I was married for 17 yrs and went through a divorce, stayed single for a year no dating, focused on work and my boys. This was the first guy I introduced my boys to.

[beach]

Why would you cook for him 3 times a week?

 

And now he doesn't need you because Mom cooks.

 

But really - he should have been taking you OUT ON DATES in that first 6 month period of dating!

 

You trained him to use you as their maid. Next time just date a man...and have him take you OUT on real dates.

[lauri]

 

- whole thing was very cowardly. FLAG

 

- I know he is a mommas boy. I knew that for a while. FLAG

 

- I know both he and his mom have said on numerous occasions that his mom never had a good relationship with any of his ex's. FLAG

 

- The mother had alot of negative things to say about his ex. FLAG (because this is the mother of her grandchildren, no good is coming from talking about her at all. Focus should've been on how good you are.)

 

 

Thought I would just give highlight all the flags I see in one post . Keep strong and remember that you are better off.

[Stsm5934]

I'm sorry that he choose to end things with you in such a hurtful way. Like many of the other posters have said, you certainly deserved a conversation where he acknowledge the role you had played in his life and the reasons this relationship ended. The fact that he could not give you that conversation, highlights a couple huge red flags 1. he is not truly able to be present and emotionally available to another person 2. he does not know how to communicate his feelings and 3. even given these weaknesses, he is not a mature or evolved enough person to recognize the right and the wrong way to treat someone he cares/cared about

 

In the long run, you will be better off without this man. I know that doesn't help right now, but remember that his current actions are revealing a part of his character that would have eventually damned the relationship. At least instead of being 6 years in emotionally, your 6 months. Sometimes it almost hurts more though because after 6 years you've fully had it with those kind of shennanigans, but after 6 months you still have some hope and want to work it out.