If you are willing to make the effort you might get a date

[FitChick]

Article about the Beautiful People dating website and how applicants who were rejected got motivated to finally get fit and get makeovers.

 

"We've also recently launched a mentoring service, pairing some of our most successful members who are also professional beauty experts, stylists and confidence coaches with beautiful hopefuls who don't know how to improve their looks. This has definitely contributed to a rise in second time success stories this year alone.

"Many people write us off as a heartless, lookist dating community that exists to alienate the aesthetically disadvantaged. But that's not true. We want to encourage people to make the best of themselves.

 

"We get more excited about successful transformation stories than any other application and our members who transform themselves tell us how our rejection letter was the best thing that could have ever happened to them - and that we've positively enhanced their lives."

[TigerLilly78]

People get dates bfs/gfs regardless of their appearances cause theirs some out there for everyone looks are very subjective...

[Andy_K]

They're not *that* subjective.

 

Pick two people, one of whom is 60lbs overweight, and get ten members of the opposite sex to pick which they prefer. The vast majority of the time the overweight one will get fewer picks.

[toscaroscura]

People of all shapes and sizes find love. It's true! Just look around your local Walmart.

 

You don't need to be a "Beautiful Person" and qualify for a ridiculous website to have a relationship. I disagree with the dichotomy presented that you are either insanely beautiful and swimming in interest, or you're ugly and forever alone.

 

I do agree with one thing: it's always best to improve yourself and be the best "you" you can be. But this at least should be done just as much for yourself as anyone else.

[FitChick]

I wonder how you get tips from their experts. Do you pay? I'd do it for free if available, then join a different dating website! Always open to opinions for improvements.

[Darren2013]

Personally I would not want to date those women who previously rejected me for being overweight now that I have lost 25 pounds in 8 months. No thanks. You didn't accept me before when I was overweight so now I'm not interested.

 

Anyway most of the things that people do to improve themselves to be more attractive are things they should be doing for themselves anyway even if they have no interest in sex at all. There's much greater incentives to lose weight than trying to look good for someone else. There's health consequences to consider and even those who prefer to be single still have to think about their health. Losing out on dating prospects is the least of your problems if you let obesity get out of control.

[toscaroscura]

Personally I would not want to date those women who previously rejected me for being overweight now that I have lost 25 pounds in 8 months. No thanks. You didn't accept me before when I was overweight so now I'm not interested.

 

Anyway most of the things that people do to improve themselves to be more attractive are things they should be doing for themselves anyway even if they have no interest in sex at all. There's much greater incentives to lose weight than trying to look good for someone else. There's health consequences to consider and even those who prefer to be single still have to think about their health. Losing out on dating prospects is the least of your problems if you let obesity get out of control.

 

Agreed. I'm someone who was heavier in the past and dropped weight (though I was never obese). I have a best friend that lost 100 lbs. The difference in attention can be distressing and create a lot of cognitive dissonance. In fact my best friend went through some depression about it because she realized how crappy she was treated when she was fat and it both enraged her and made her sad. She was the same person all along but now people were kissing her butt. Very disconcerting.

[TigerLilly78]

They're not *that* subjective.

 

Pick two people, one of whom is 60lbs overweight, and get ten members of the opposite sex to pick which they prefer. The vast majority of the time the overweight one will get fewer picks.

 

In front of the others maybe so make that same "test" private and see the results I bet they would be different peer pressure affects this a lot ive herd more then a few men say they prefer bigger/thick women yet were afraid of what their friends would think..im not saying it dosent make dating harder but not quite as hard as some would think..

[thefooloftheyear]

Hate to be the wet blanket here, but some of this screams of "false advertising"....

 

The world is full of people who got fit and had makeovers to attract a mate, only to fall back into who they were originally and cause resentment to their partner...and eventual breakups/divorces..

 

Someone I know is dealing with this now..he's very fit and active and has been so for life... So he does OLD, clearly puts in his profile that he wants a fit and active woman...he finds this woman, they get together and he marries her...

 

A year after the marriage, she puts on 60 lbs and never was active from the beginning...After he brings it up, she proceeds to tell him that "you might as well accept me for who i am, because I only lost the weight to attract a man, this is the "real" me"....

 

He's ready to bail.....Point is, what good is it to do a sudden "makeover"??? I mean, sure if you truly turned a leaf, then great...But if you are just going to turn into a pumpkin at the stroke of 12, then whats the point....?? people rarely change who they are for the long term anyway....

 

measure twice and cut once....as they say...

 

TFY

[sillyanswer]

They're not *that* subjective.

 

Pick two people, one of whom is 60lbs overweight, and get ten members of the opposite sex to pick which they prefer. The vast majority of the time the overweight one will get fewer picks.

 

60lbs is a huge difference. That's well over a third of my weight and probably over half the weight of most of the last several people I've dated. There's almost no combination of weight and height apart from already being obese where that won't put you up into the next category on the BMI scale, and several combinations where it will put you up two categories. So, yes, most people would pick the normal weight person over the obese person.

[xxoo]

It looks like a couple of them got airbrush and photoshop

[autumnnight]

I'm not sure I 100% agree with the whole idea that physical changes make all the difference but I will say that the title of this thread: If you are willing to make the effort you might get a date makes sense in a lot of ways. Some people who whine about not having someone don't make much of any kind of effort except to whine and blame the opposite sex. And if they do make an effort it's a halfhearted one and when it doesn't work they say, "See! I told you!"

[elaine567]

BBC News - 'Manbeast' letter to former bully 'crazy' Facebook hit -

[Toodaloo]

I think that site is the most awful site in the world to be honest.

 

Looks fade over time with EVERYONE. There will come a day when we are all wrinkly and relying on false teeth and our dentures will be the route of all evils... On top of that looks can be wiped out by illness, accident, disease... So what are we all to do dump someone at their lowest point because we don't like the way they look? Very bad attitude to go into a relationship with...

 

I would love to find out how many people actually get married and last longer than 5 years from that site. I guess the figures are low...

[FitChick]

Looks fade over time with EVERYONE. There will come a day when we are all wrinkly and relying on false teeth

So why bother brushing your teeth if they are just going to fall out? Why bathe if you will just stink again and need another bath? Why do anything since you are just going to die anyway, right?

[FitChick]

Someone I know is dealing with this now..he's very fit and active and has been so for life... So he does OLD, clearly puts in his profile that he wants a fit and active woman...he finds this woman, they get together and he marries her...

 

A year after the marriage, she puts on 60 lbs and never was active from the beginning...

 

TFY

 

Then he has no one to blame but himself for marrying her.

[Danda]

Probably best to just be healthy and see what is natural for you when you are simply healthy (healthy diet and at least moderately active, just not sedentary). People will vary a noticeable bit in this regard. When you know your size/shape when healthy, then you know where you can basically stay as long as you care about your health when it comes to diet/activity. If you ever get depressed or something and gain weight, you know that if you just switch back to healthy practices, well you know right well you'll get back to.

 

I was overweight previously, almost 160lbs at my highest. I lost weight all the way down to 115lbs, and got a lot more attention, but I was also eating way too little, won't even post intake so as not to trigger anyone with an ED history, but it wasn't good. When I finally got my mental health to a place of thinking in terms of "healthy" and not "skinny" I found my 'healthy eating weight' to hover close to 125lbs. It's not skinny-skinny like 110-115 was, but it's me when I eat hearty-healthy and so it's something I've been able to maintain and can keep maintaining.

 

I agree that the sudden/intense "makeovers" regarding weight can often not be maintained long-term because they are done in extreme ways, where the end goal is a number on the scale or pants, instead of just seeing what you get when you're good to your body.

 

Just be healthy. Then what you advertise while dating is basically what the person gets, for real, whatever their preference.

Edited December 12, 2014 by Danda

[Imported]

Personally I would not want to date those women who previously rejected me for being overweight now that I have lost 25 pounds in 8 months. No thanks. You didn't accept me before when I was overweight so now I'm not interested.

 

Anyway most of the things that people do to improve themselves to be more attractive are things they should be doing for themselves anyway even if they have no interest in sex at all. There's much greater incentives to lose weight than trying to look good for someone else. There's health consequences to consider and even those who prefer to be single still have to think about their health. Losing out on dating prospects is the least of your problems if you let obesity get out of control.

 

 

It's like saying I didn't get the job interview for the fast paced industry of basket weaving because I don't know anything about basket weaving. But then I went to an intensive 2 day course on basket weaving and now know all there is to know about it and ****!!! all those *******s that didn't hire me when I knew nothing!

 

So now that you workout, watch your diet and made yourself look attractive on a purely physical level......you're going to only date obese women right? And not the other attractive women that would have rejected fat you as well if you tried with them.

 

OK, maybe not exactly like that, but kinda like that. Personality matters. So does looks. I'd reject a girl for either. If she works on losing weight because she hates my guts for rejecting her when she was fat and has been working towards a "you didn't appreciate me when I was fat, so no chance for you now...." I got news for her.....there are plenty of women besides her that look great to me and don't have a bad attitude.

 

Looks are not subjective. Desperation and fear that you can't do better is. Settling. Some people should. Also being raised with the belief that wanting what you want with physical attraction as a major qualifier is...superficial and shallow. Physical attraction shouldn't be the only thing, but it should matter.

 

Hate to be the wet blanket here, but some of this screams of "false advertising"....

 

What I like about attractive women over 30 is they most likely will stay that way to the grave. I have dated plenty of women under 30....and well..under 25. I'll tell you what, some people don't do too well with age. I see some of these girls a year or two later and it's just sad. No, looks don't last forever, but you can stay lean and fit to the grave and look damn good in your 40's and 50's. Some girls looks don't even last past 25. I don't think it's false advertisment, it's just life.

 

edit: Not saying there was nothing they could do about it. just saying no ill intent.

Edited December 12, 2014 by Imported

[FitChick]

Does anyone really think having a makeover won't matter? These women are the same on the inside but you can't see someone's insides unless you have an MRI and I have never seen one at Starbucks. They both need new glasses or Lasik as a finishing touch.

[TigerLilly78]

The real world does not work this way.

So your eather calling me a liar or saying ive been imaging all the dates/relationships ive ever been in including the one im in now?

[MrNate 2.0]

I agree with the effort part.

 

If you're willing to put in the work, you can make the dates happen. Also, in terms of your pull of options, yes, physical appearance matters. Like it or not, it has always been true.

 

Unless you're among the 1% of the genetically gifted, it probably behooves you to work out and dress well. We all want someone who takes care of themselves. The more you invest in yourself, the more options you will have.

 

Does your face look like an upside down ass? Well you may as well be the most in shape, well dressed person around who has a face similar to an upside down ass.

 

Also, remember fellas, if Somedude can get an FWB, so can you. That should be motivation enough.

[Danda]

I don't think you are a liar, just severely mistaken. First, there is not "someone out there for everyone." Some people stay single their entire lives, many of them because they can't find a date. Look at all the struggling dudes just here on LS. Sadly, some people will never have anyone. Looks may be somewhat subjective, but not "very subjective." For example, the other day I was having a conversation with someone about the singer, Taylor Swift. I said that I thought she was pretty, but not all that. I see plenty of women at school that I think are more attractive than she is. The person I was talking to disagreed, and said that Taylor was absolutely gorgeous. That's subjectivity. However, the fact that the girl even comes up in that type of conversation illustrates that she is an attractive person. You don't see people debating how sexy Susan Boyle is. Because she isn't, period.

 

I think you're confusing mainstream attractiveness with attractiveness-"period."

 

Mainstream attractiveness is considered "mainstream" because the majority of people find certain appearances attractive.

 

If a person wants to widely broaden their prospects then yes, they should should shoot for more mainstream ideals. For someone who wants to or needs to attract a larger quantity of dates, encouraging them to go for those ideals is realistic advice. People of your mentality are usually great for that sort of thing since you have a no-nonsense way of thinking.

 

However, there are seriously millions of couples the world-over where one or (often) both partners are pretty far off from mainstream attractive, in some cases downright goofy-looking or mainstream-unattractive.

 

Not always, but typically when a stereotypically unattractive person tries to get a relationship but doesn't for decades, it's because they're not willing to date other stereotypically unattractive people.

 

It's like that classic case of the overweight, very average-looking girl in high school who goes after the guy who 1/3 or more of the female student population is crushing on, he turns her down and then she's in the girl's bathroom bawling all like, "Men are so shallow, I'll never be wanted, waahhh!!!!" and meanwhile the overweight nerdy guys don't even exist to her. (We could reverse the genders and the same thing would apply, btw.)

 

And then these people grow up into adults but never change their way of thinking in this regard.

 

Then there's the couple like the one that owns/runs the cafe I hit up about once a week. The woman is short, obese and with a homely face. The man is half bald with a gut and jacked up teeth. They're stupidly in love and still flirt with each other despite having been married for over 10 years, and they're flippin adorable.

 

Often when someone has a "forever alone" complex it has way more to do with who they will accept than who will accept them.

[thefooloftheyear]

Does anyone really think having a makeover won't matter? These women are the same on the inside but you can't see someone's insides unless you have an MRI and I have never seen one at Starbucks. They both need new glasses or Lasik as a finishing touch.

 

Sure...

 

I can slap a coat of paint on a piece of shyt car and sell it fast....Doesn't mean it isnt still a piece of shyt...

 

 

TFY

[TigerLilly78]

No, I am not.

 

 

 

B

I agree, this does happen often. However, if that overweight girl wasn't overweight, this story might never happen. That's the point of this thread. She has the chance to make herself more attractive, but decides not to take it. Instead, she might choose to pin her hopes on attractiveness somehow being very subjective.

 

 

 

Two ugly people who manage to find one another does not prove that attractiveness is very subjective.

 

 

 

 

 

You never answered me so by your ideals all my relationships/dates were imaginary or some how invalid? cause ive been dating since I was in my early 20s that would mean that looks are indeed subjective as there have clearly been men who find me attractive and no I didn't just get used for sex by them it was normal dating and long term relationships why are those some how invalid in this discussion?

 

The girl in that story had the chance to make herself more attractive to the main stream granted. But as Danda pointed out there is a spectrum outside of that were people are indeed found attractive. Lets take weight out of the equation and lets talk about women who are highly tattooed with piercings and so on. I guess in the cookie cutter world were everyone is universally barbiefied and therefore "attractive" those women are also unattractive by everyone?

Edited December 13, 2014 by TigerLilly78

[most_distant_galaxy]

I truly appreciate handsomeness, but I think the idea for this website is ridiculous. On the other hand, the users of the website are more ridiculous than the website itself.