SawtoothMars Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 Does anyone else get this feeling? I post this thought because I did a few interviews recently and I used some tactics I learned from dating and it was very effective. In a way I think maybe women are not as good in the aggregate at interviewing because of the way dating works in our culture. It always puts them into the employers role, which isn't helpful when trying to get a job.
dispatch3d Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 I also do not enjoy dating haha. Yeah it kinda is like an interview, best to figure out ways to have fun during it I guess. Also if a girl likes you she almost always lies about something. It's very weird behaviour.
endlessabyss Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 Does anyone else get this feeling? I post this thought because I did a few interviews recently and I used some tactics I learned from dating and it was very effective. In a way I think maybe women are not as good in the aggregate at interviewing because of the way dating works in our culture. It always puts them into the employers role, which isn't helpful when trying to get a job. I'd agree. It's basically a process where you're making your case to be a potential partner. I often laugh. because I thought dating was supposed to be enjoyable, but it seems to be the opposite, just as going on a job interview. Interview: a meeting of people face to face, especially for consultation Sound like dating to you?
rester Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 I agree they can be somewhat similar, although I've found myself much more successful in both job interviews and dating when I believe that they are the ones that have to prove themselves worthy of my time, and not the other way around.
angel.eyes Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 None of my dates have ever felt like interviews. What are you all doing to prevent your dates from being job interviews? It takes two to tango. 2
Danda Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 I think that if you have the mindset of trying to 'sell' yourself to your date, then it will feel like an interview. If you are feeling needy or desperate, and such. The thing about jobs is that most of us need them, or otherwise we'd end up homeless. We often can't afford to be like, "Yeah.. It's a job but.. I don't think this would be very fun for me to do 40 hours a week, ya know? So I think I'll pass." But you don't need a romantic partner in order to survive. So you absolutely can think to yourself, "Yeah.. It's a member of the opposite sex but.. I can't really see myself enjoying this person's company for long periods of time, so I think I'll pass." So you don't really have any survival pressure to 'sell' yourself to your date. You can just be natural and see if there is any chemistry.
oldshirt Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 That's exactly what it is and it is what it is meant to be. Throughout history most cultures practiced arranged marriage in one form or another. In recent times in western cultures arranged marriage has given way to people picking their own partners. People pick those partner through doing a variety of things in a variety of situations to get to know them to determine if they are going to be who they marry and have a home and family with or not. That is totally an interview and tryout process, we just happen to call it dating.
mario_C Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 (edited) Yes!!! I was thinking about this and writing jokes, almost like a standup - which I'll spare you, but you have to laugh at how punishingly draining and formal and ritualistic it all is. ETA I like the tryout simile as well for the same reasons. I was thinking about that, reading how Tom Cruise is 'auditioning' for his next wife, because apparently big stars are too good to go on dates like the rest of you commoners... Edited December 10, 2014 by mario_C couldn't resist
Under The Radar Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 If a date isn't going well I like to pretend I'm schizophrenic ...... and I'll start interviewing myself in front of her. Sure it's weird, but massively entertaining
newmoon Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 i have never had this problem, but i don't tend to get nervous for either interviews or dates. i just see both as learning experiences and nothing to stress over. plus, i am a great catch for dates and employers, so if anything i am looking at them to impress me. all about confidence i guess.
Author SawtoothMars Posted December 10, 2014 Author Posted December 10, 2014 None of my dates have ever felt like interviews. What are you all doing to prevent your dates from being job interviews? It takes two to tango. This response makes me think you are female. The whole topic just sailed right over your head and you cannot relate. Look... as a man you HAVE to sell yourself to your date. You have to provide your date with some reason why you are a better fit for her than the other 10,000 guys beating down her door. End of story. It takes WORK. Some people can relate to that and some people can't.
M30USA Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 In America, women are the interviewers, while men are the interviewees. Women screen men to see who will do their jobs best--who is most suitable. Men show off their resume, tell about how much they will do for her, and are at the disposal of the woman. There might be a few exceptions here and there, but this is largely the norm.
angel.eyes Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 Perhaps the fact that you see this as work is part of the problem. Many guys don't approach it as a job interview. Are they putting their best foot forward? Yes, we both are. Are they enjoying the date? We have a blast together. It's fun...not an interview!
Author SawtoothMars Posted December 10, 2014 Author Posted December 10, 2014 I think that if you have the mindset of trying to 'sell' yourself to your date, then it will feel like an interview. If you are feeling needy or desperate, and such. The thing about jobs is that most of us need them, or otherwise we'd end up homeless. We often can't afford to be like, "Yeah.. It's a job but.. I don't think this would be very fun for me to do 40 hours a week, ya know? So I think I'll pass." But you don't need a romantic partner in order to survive. So you absolutely can think to yourself, "Yeah.. It's a member of the opposite sex but.. I can't really see myself enjoying this person's company for long periods of time, so I think I'll pass." So you don't really have any survival pressure to 'sell' yourself to your date. You can just be natural and see if there is any chemistry. You should have the mindset that you need to sell yourself and that has nothing to do with being needy or desperate. Do you enjoy getting ditched and rejected? I don't. I work my tail off to prevent it. If you just walk in and "be yourself" to see if there is "chemistry"... then you are doing yourself a great disservice. This is probably limiting your romantic options. Chemistry doesn't just magically appear. I used to make it happen. For example... you can create a type of chemistry by highlighting things about you that are the same..... or opposite depending on the type of woman. You can create sexual chemistry through body language and word choice. Of course it won't always work, but it greatly increases your chances.
angel.eyes Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 The concept of "selling themselves" is foreign to most guys I date. Seriously, you should just try being yourself...your best self, of course. I think you'll be less angry and frustrated. People generally don't enjoy the negative aura that accompanies those two emotions and will avoid further encounters.
Author SawtoothMars Posted December 10, 2014 Author Posted December 10, 2014 Perhaps the fact that you see this as work is part of the problem. Many guys don't approach it as a job interview. Are they putting their best foot forward? Yes, we both are. Are they enjoying the date? We have a blast together. It's fun...not an interview! The best interviews I've ever had were also fun. I think the two are very analogous. Look, my checklist has about 4 items on it when I go on a date. The lady I'm with typically has a checklist of anywhere between 20-200 traits. She didn't ask me out... and she sure as hell isn't paying the bill. The reality is that up front I have much, much more invested and much more to lose. Which is why we tend to view these things differently. You just need to show up and look pretty and if it doesn't work out, no big deal.
Author SawtoothMars Posted December 10, 2014 Author Posted December 10, 2014 The concept of "selling themselves" is foreign to most guys I date. Seriously, you should just try being yourself...your best self, of course. I think you'll be less angry and frustrated. People generally don't enjoy the negative aura that accompanies those two emotions and will avoid further encounters. I'm not angry or frustrated. I'm married. I haven't had a date with anyone but my wife in 4 years. I'm also not complaining about "selling myself". I'm saying it helped me develop some very useful skills that just allowed me to land an awesome new job... plus negotiate an extra $25,000 in pay. I think more men should learn these skills and more women should actually plan and execute dates.
Got it Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 Does anyone else get this feeling? I post this thought because I did a few interviews recently and I used some tactics I learned from dating and it was very effective. In a way I think maybe women are not as good in the aggregate at interviewing because of the way dating works in our culture. It always puts them into the employers role, which isn't helpful when trying to get a job. I am laughing. I have always said that interviewing and work dynamics are a lot like dating.
nofeelings22 Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 I have never once felt this way and never once not had a second date. (I blow it later...lol) It only feels like an interview if the conversation is bad and you're nervous. Have more fun with it. Explore the girl. Ask her about stuff.
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