ralfgarnett Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Been nearly 6 months now since she walked out for no good reason, I ca honestly say that in that time not one waking second has felt normal, I have had awfull times, dreadfull times, average times, miserable times and so on and so forth, not had hardly what I would describe as happy times, but all through there has been one fundamental feeling ticking away in my background and that is a combined feeling of hurt, sadness, loss, anger, annoyance, irritation etc etc etc etc and anything else you can throw in there betrayal, lack of communication, deceit, denial, pressure, stress, anxiety you name it they are all in there in this knotted ball rolling round in my brain just ticking away ruining everything I do, so when does this background ticking actually go away ? as it is with me at all times and it is really getting me down now and I am struggling to cope with it, al I wnt is to be happy and to even enjoy things again.
OneConfuzedGuy Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Man, I completely know what you are going through. Im going through the same thing. Only difference is im only 3 months in. Its crazy how almost anything you do you are still conscious of her. It is crazy man I didnt know if what I felt is normal. My head feels stuffy a lot of the times and dont find much happiness. I wish I had some secret knowledge of what was going on and how to make it better but I dont. I just want to feel happy too but I realize that might be a while for me. I know that not normal feeling you describe and must admit myself that i hate it a lot.I know you are hurting brotha I am there with you hang in there! I hope one day we will both find our way back.
Mitzimojo Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 Oh guys I am so sorry for you both. There is nothing worse than a broken heart. Nothing. A few suggestions: 1. You need to get your mind occupied doing something other than obsessing about your girl. Hang with friends, watch a movie, read a book, anything that will get your mind off her, at least temporarily. The constant obsessing is really bad for you physically and even a small break will give your body a break. 2. Make sure you are sleeping. This is HUGE. No sleep can drive one crazy. If you aren't see your doctor or get a sleep aid. You need to sleep. 3. You are grieving and grieving takes time. There are five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. They don't necessarily happen in that order but most of the time they all occur. It could be that you are in the depression phase of your grieving process. You might want to see you doctor about getting something to support you during this time. It won't be forever that you are depressed or anger or bargaining...you will ultimately accept it. 4. Understand that while it feels like this feeling will last forever it won't. Take it one day at a time. It might last a little bit longer or get better and then get bad again or one day you might wake up and it will be gone. Just know that it will NOT last forever. 5. Try dating. I know it seems like you could never love again but getting back into the saddle could be just the thing you need. There are plenty of great girls out there who are looking for a great guy. Go find one. Nothing fixes a broken heart better than new love. So there you go, guys. Tasks. Do them. They will help. I promise. Good luck, be strong and don't worry. Everything is going to be amazing. 2
Author ralfgarnett Posted December 10, 2014 Author Posted December 10, 2014 Man, I completely know what you are going through. Im going through the same thing. Only difference is im only 3 months in. Its crazy how almost anything you do you are still conscious of her. It is crazy man I didnt know if what I felt is normal. My head feels stuffy a lot of the times and dont find much happiness. I wish I had some secret knowledge of what was going on and how to make it better but I dont. I just want to feel happy too but I realize that might be a while for me. I know that not normal feeling you describe and must admit myself that i hate it a lot.I know you are hurting brotha I am there with you hang in there! I hope one day we will both find our way back. Thanks mate thinking of you too, good luck mate I am thinking of you and I feel your pain, already thinking of ways to bounce back but doing nothing about them until NY.
Author ralfgarnett Posted December 10, 2014 Author Posted December 10, 2014 Oh guys I am so sorry for you both. There is nothing worse than a broken heart. Nothing. A few suggestions: 1. You need to get your mind occupied doing something other than obsessing about your girl. Hang with friends, watch a movie, read a book, anything that will get your mind off her, at least temporarily. The constant obsessing is really bad for you physically and even a small break will give your body a break. 2. Make sure you are sleeping. This is HUGE. No sleep can drive one crazy. If you aren't see your doctor or get a sleep aid. You need to sleep. 3. You are grieving and grieving takes time. There are five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. They don't necessarily happen in that order but most of the time they all occur. It could be that you are in the depression phase of your grieving process. You might want to see you doctor about getting something to support you during this time. It won't be forever that you are depressed or anger or bargaining...you will ultimately accept it. 4. Understand that while it feels like this feeling will last forever it won't. Take it one day at a time. It might last a little bit longer or get better and then get bad again or one day you might wake up and it will be gone. Just know that it will NOT last forever. 5. Try dating. I know it seems like you could never love again but getting back into the saddle could be just the thing you need. There are plenty of great girls out there who are looking for a great guy. Go find one. Nothing fixes a broken heart better than new love. So there you go, guys. Tasks. Do them. They will help. I promise. Good luck, be strong and don't worry. Everything is going to be amazing. Thanks for your kindness, advice, and gentle thoughts xx
Richiebuoy Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 I don't think any of us are the same, the hurt goes on, for some it will be weeks for most of us months and for some poor souls it will be years. Talking to my brother the other day who split from a long term girlfriend who he dotted on, he said it took about 2 years before he completely stopped thinking about her on an everyday basis. As I say its different for different people and will depend on how strong the love was, how strong a person you are, how strong the marriage was etc etc Sadly for each of us only time will tell. The one thing that is certain though is, we will all get over it at some point.
KBarletta Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 It's a cliche, but also true: The only way out is through, so you just have to keep going. I am going through the same thing, only six weeks in and I will admit that even though I think of her every day (and nearly every minute), I feel better today than I did six weeks ago. I know that because on day one I started keeping a journal of my thoughts, and when I go back and read it, I realize how much better I am doing. So my suggestions for you are things that have worked for me: 1. Keep a journal of how you're feeling, with dates, so you can monitor your progress. If all you do is think of her all day, every day will seem the same and you won't be able to tell that you ARE actually doing better. 2. Do things that don't remind you of her at all. New things, different things, stuff you always wanted to do but never had the time or a chance. I started taking piano lessons. So now I spend my time practicing the piano and listening to music and not thinking of her. 3. Talk to someone every day about how you're feeling. Really lean on your friends. I am sure there are people who are there for you who you can talk to, even if you don't know it. Call someone up and just vent for ten or fifteen minutes. I always feel better after that than keeping things bottled up. 4. Exercise, exercise, exercise. Even if you don't feel like it, you will feel better, it will allow your brain to focus on something else, and it will release positive energy into your system. And while you're at it, listen to some great music (nothing depressing) while you're doing it. 5. Keep posting here - it's a great way to let out how you're feeling in a non-judgemental arena, and it's a lot cheaper than counseling. Hope this helps. These have helped me quite a bit. 1
Firestarter1069 Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 Been nearly 6 months now since she walked out for no good reason, I ca honestly say that in that time not one waking second has felt normal, I have had awfull times, dreadfull times, average times, miserable times and so on and so forth, not had hardly what I would describe as happy times, but all through there has been one fundamental feeling ticking away in my background and that is a combined feeling of hurt, sadness, loss, anger, annoyance, irritation etc etc etc etc and anything else you can throw in there betrayal, lack of communication, deceit, denial, pressure, stress, anxiety you name it they are all in there in this knotted ball rolling round in my brain just ticking away ruining everything I do, so when does this background ticking actually go away ? as it is with me at all times and it is really getting me down now and I am struggling to cope with it, al I wnt is to be happy and to even enjoy things again. I too am with you on this one. People see me as a different person right now. Lost, distant, unhappy, etc. Sure I can "act" normal but that only lasts for a short time, then eventually those emotions come out. My laughter and smiles become fake and I get called out on it all the time. It seems no matter what I do not a day goes by without me thinking about her. My main issue though is I've recently learned that she too is thinking about me. Her friend approached me recently and told me when they talk to each other I get brought up a lot. Her saying she loves me and misses me. Like I said on LS somewhere before, I am continuing to do normal everyday things, even if some of the days are faked I'm moving along.
Author ralfgarnett Posted December 10, 2014 Author Posted December 10, 2014 "Talking to my brother the other day who split from a long term girlfriend who he dotted on," Hi Rich is "dotting on someone" the same as giving someone a pearl necklace ?
Richiebuoy Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 "Talking to my brother the other day who split from a long term girlfriend who he dotted on," Hi Rich is "dotting on someone" the same as giving someone a pearl necklace ? Its very similar.... or at least the principle is
KBarletta Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 I am continuing to do normal everyday things, even if some of the days are faked I'm moving along. Fake it till you make it! It works. And it really is your only hope of long term success. Nobody is going to want to come back to a whining, begging sad pathetic mess. You HAVE to look like you're at least OK or you have no shot, if you want them back. If you don't want them back, then all the more reason to get on with your life!
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